


Perspective

by shittyfoureyes



Series: Perspective [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Anal Sex, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Brief mentions of hunting, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Development, Comfort Sex, Coming Untouched, Consent, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Emotions, Enthusiastic Consent, Established Relationship, First Time, Healing, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Introspection, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Minor Character Death, Recovery, Rimming, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Series Spoilers, Shotgunning, Spoilers, Switching, Trust, ereri, riren - Freeform, versatile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-24 20:41:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 86,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3783670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittyfoureyes/pseuds/shittyfoureyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Watching Eren's confidence and determination gradually deteriorate as he feels the weight of endless death and failure is the catalyst to a sudden change in Levi's perspective on freedom and the future of humanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This chapter is from Levi's point of view.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments? Feedback? Please?

   
  
The night is still and quiet in our room, and if I didn't know better, I would fall for the illusion of peace. In this little fleeting moment of serenity, here in this temporary refuge, there are no sounds of thundering footfalls, of whinnying horses and shouting soldiers, no screams that stop unnaturally short. The only sounds at this hour are the melodic chirping of crickets, and the soft, even breathing of the boy sleeping soundly beside me as I'm sitting up in our borrowed bed, gazing at the stars outside our window. I lean down to press a lingering kiss to his forehead, and I release a long breath as I stand to take a seat at the small table that remains in this scantly furnished room.  
  
The cool air drifting in from the broken window feels pleasant, but the scent of the air within the walls doesn't allow me to forget my inner turmoil.  
  
I can't sleep. The stress of this decision weighs heavily on my mind. I haven't presented it to him yet. As well as I think I know him, I can't truly predict how he will react. I think back to the day I first met him and the fire in his eyes when he swore to kill every last titan. I look back over to him now, in the present, after so much has happened since I first took responsibility for his life in the basement that day. He's seen so much more death since then. So much more blood.  
  
I know the guilt has been eating him alive, and he's begun to doubt himself. I saw his spirit crack after our last mission; a failed one that cost too many lives, and that's what's cemented this decision in my mind. If there is any chance at all to ease the pain and hopelessness that's replaced what was once insatiable rage, I will take it. To me, there's no longer a point in dying a martyr, if there ever was one at all.  
  
I've begun to think about things from a different perspective. My entire life I've had the same goal: to leave this stinking cage where we exist as nothing more than livestock. To experience true freedom. I look over at the two green cloaks hanging beside the door and hold back a laugh. The wings of freedom. A noble lie. This is the realization that caused my perspective to shift: the wings of freedom have been shackles all along.  
  
They chained us all to a life of fighting and failing, living and dying to obtain a victory that may never come. Wings that allowed me to fly outside the cage toward freedom only to realize that the jesses around my leg were short and held by someone else. I was only allowed a taste of my prize before I was called back to the gauntlet to surrender my victory, leaving me with nothing to show for my efforts. The cause is honorable, just, sincere, and I don't regret offering my heart to the Survey Corps, but it no longer belongs to them. The true wings of freedom lie at rest atop clean white sheets, white now tinted blue in the light of the moon that hangs in the infinite sky outside our window.  
  
The wings of freedom may eventually triumph over the titans, but for both of us, they'll only bring death. Death ended the flights of all others before us, death will strike all from the sky after us, and I'm willing to gamble all I have left if there's any possibility at all that Eren and I can be spared from the same bloody end long enough to fulfill our dream, even if it's only for a short time. From the moment I met him and looked into those burning green eyes, I knew we were two overlapping halves of a whole. His determination, his rage, his monstrous power and my experience, my conviction, and my skill join each other over a shared dream of freedom. Flight is impossible with only one wing.  
  
It's unrealistic to think that either of us has much time left. If I'm going to die, and I am, I want to die happily in the soft grass, breathing clean air, gazing upon an endless horizon unobstructed by walls. Our hands that have spilled immeasurable blood, clean now but stained, perfectly intertwined like those overlapping wings we once wore upon our backs. White over blue atop verdant green, like clouds in the sky above a grassy meadow. How picturesque.  
  
I choke out a bitter laugh at this thought and rise, looking out the window one last time before climbing back into bed. The boy beside me stirs but does not wake. Eren's sleeping face does not look peaceful. It tugs at my heart as I pull his body close to mine, an arm wound around his shoulder, hand gently stroking his wild brown hair, his head placed over my heart. I try not to think about the days ahead. Instead, I create a vision of laying with him like this beside a crystal clear stream under a canopy of softly swaying leaves as his steady, even breathing lulls me to sleep.

\---

The brightness bleeding in from our uncovered window wakes me from a light sleep. This room is bare and temporary with very few basic provisions, like curtains or even intact glass on the windows, so the room heats quickly and starts to become uncomfortable. The cities within the walls have been in a state of constant turmoil ever since the government was overthrown. As a result of the fighting and evacuation to safer areas, many homes have been abandoned and damaged. We are constantly on the move and take advantage of this situation. The Survey Corps has come under intense scrutiny, even more so than usual.  
  
Some view us as heroes and others see us as traitors, murderers, unnecessary and a waste of taxpayer money. The Survey Corps was never a _respected_ branch of the military, but the general populace had never been openly hostile toward us until now. They are people who have had the luxury of never being forced to watch as one of their screaming friends, desperately pleading for your help, is ripped in half by a disgusting, twenty-meter-high mockery of a human.  Their opinions do not matter to me.  
  
Until you've been showered with the hot blood and entrails of the hopeful young soldier who two heartbeats ago believed they were about to kill their first titan and nudge humanity one step closer to victory, you have no standing to insult the only people who are still trying to save you even in the face of this horror. Some have seen this. Some have looked helplessly into the hysterical eyes of their child as they are plucked from the illusion of safety by a hand as large as their home. Those are the people who now see that there is no point in opining.  
  
Eren was confronted with the harshness of reality at a very young age. He'd seen what a human being looks like broken and lifeless even before he'd seen his first titan. He even had the determination and suicidal bravery to kill two men - as a child! - to save a girl he had never even met. This did not break him. As he watched the titans he'd only heard stories about break through the comforting safety of the walls, he did not break. Even as he saw his mother crushed beneath their equally crushed home, and his irreparably crushed life, he was determined to save her at the risk of his own life. And as he watched her torn apart and swallowed despite all his hope to save her, he still did not break.  
  
His childhood dream, his present dream as he is still that child now grown, to join the Survey Corps and fight for the freedom of humanity was not crushed. Discovering that he himself was able to transform into one of the very monsters that he hated with every fiber of his being didn't even break him. If anything, his dedication to that dream was made stronger, his determination was made stronger, his rage and his desire and his thirst for freedom were all ignited into an unquenchable blaze. His strength in the face of tragedy is unfathomable, and I am so incredibly proud of him.  
  
That brave boy, face still tense in even in sleep, lies still in my arms as I place another kiss on his furrowed brow. The sounds of the chaos outside are drifting in through the broken window and the heat of the blazing sun combined with the heat of our intertwined bodies, now sticky with uncomfortable sweat, have made it impossible for me to go back to sleep. I kiss him once again as I try to wake him as gently as possible. Best not to startle a sleeping titan.  
  
I had decided last night before I returned to bed that I needed to confess my sudden change of heart and new objective to him before it was too late. You can never rely on living through the day and hesitation is another luxury that we don't have. You can't know how events will unfold even if you've constructed the most thorough plans and taken every precaution. It's pointless to regret any choice you've made as there's no way to foresee how it will end. Once it's come to pass it can never be undone.  
  
This is it. I brush the hair from his forehead, taking in his sleeping face one more time, and I squeeze his upper arm to encourage him to wake.  
  
"Eren. It's morning."  
  
His expression changes at the sound of my voice and the pressure of my hand on his arm. I am always composed and unreadable, appearing unmoved even in the face of certain death, but now my heart pounds and my stomach churns as he opens his eyes. His eyelids flutter in a disoriented daze for a moment. He yawns, becomes aware of his surroundings, and as he awakens fully, he turns his emotive green eyes up to me. He is never unreadable. My heart once again aches though it doesn't show on my face, and I swallow thickly as he sits up and stretches. I will not turn back. It's time.  
  
"Eren,"  I'm interrupted as he greets me wordlessly with a kiss on the lips. I don't push him away. I return his kiss, and continue until we part naturally. I've learned over the span of years that moments like this are precious. You really can't take for granted that they will ever occur again, or that anyone will still be alive a day from now or even an hour from now. It is imperative to live in the moment in this cruel and uncertain life.  
  
He closes his eyes against the brightness of the room and rests his head back on my shoulder even though the heat is becoming uncomfortable for both of us. He's learned the same lesson about peaceful moments.  
  
"Eren," I pause and breathe deeply to settle my nerves. "Do you trust me?"  
  
I already know his answer. He has always trusted me. I have not always trusted him. That is different now.  
  
He blinks. We lock eyes. His eyes show the remaining disorientation of having recently awoken, but now there's a hint of confusion in them. Still, he answers without hesitation.  
  
"There's no one I trust more. Why do you ask?" His voice is still thick with sleep, but I can tell he's awake enough to understand what I'm about to ask of him.  
  
"Good. Listen to what I'm about to say before you respond."  
  
He does trust me, I know, but he still tenses. My face needs to remain serious in public, and he accepts this. Soldiers don't need to know that I feel fear and grief like everyone else, they need to see a strong and confident leader. After all, they've saddled me with the title of "Humanity's Strongest" and the whispers and gossip accusing me of lacking human emotion reinforce this image. I only allow myself to drop this mask in private, and certain emotions are reserved only for him. I know that he notices that I'm wearing that serious expression, and I understand the apprehension at seeing it. We mirror each other in this, his anxiety the perfect inverse of mine, a reverse image, one waiting to give and the other to receive. This is the nature of our relationship, each having what the other lacks in perfect opposition, yet both images reflect the same being.  
  
I speak.  
  
   
  
   
  
 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did we get here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some past reflection and a little history.

   
  
On sleepless nights I often reflect on how we ended up here. I've never slept much to begin with, though sleep has come to me more often since I invited Eren to my bed.  I've had a lot of time to think about the path we're about to take if he agrees to it. I will do anything he asks of me, and no one has ever had that privilege before him.  I have loved before, though not with the same love as I have for Eren. Isabel and Farlan were the closest I've ever come to having a family, and I loved them. Dearly. When they died, love died with them. I became detached.  
  
That's not to say that I didn't care for my subordinates and comrades, because I did and still do, despite rumors to the contrary. But loving and growing attached to another person in that way is a guarantee in a world where nothing is certain. A guarantee of heartbreak. I've lost enough, mourned enough, regretted enough, and, having had my fill of these things, resolved never to allow myself to experience that again. Love and pain are unnecessary and distract one from one's duties.  
  
Eren changed that. Eren… changed a lot of things. The first time I met those feral green eyes, I knew. I felt a pull that I knew I should desperately fight. The cost would be too great if I allowed myself to be pulled in. As it is, you can never know how things will turn out.  In the end, I relented and let that red thread pull and bind us together. He changed my perspective. A life without love was not a guarantee of a life without pain.  
  
No, a life spent denying oneself those fleeting moments of peace and happiness is a life wasted. Living only for fighting and killing, watching as friends die in vain without having experienced anything besides the hopeless reality of a soldier on the front lines… That existence, unavoidable for the duty-bound such as myself, now would be unimaginable without him. I imagine life without another who shares your grief, someone who understands your burden and knows you.  Someone who watches, ready to pull you up before your head sinks below the waves of solitary darkness to drown in bottomless despair. How did I ever think it was better to live without this?  
  
The first time I saw him wasn't in that basement prison with Erwin. It was the day he transformed into a titan for the very first time. Thinking back on that, I'm amused by the apparent symbolism. I had not witnessed the chain of events leading up to our first contact. I only arrived in time to watch a small, blond boy, a cadet judging by the patch on his uniform, doing what appeared to be pulling a human body from a gash in the nape of a titan's neck. I didn't know what to think of this, so I pushed it aside to question later and did what needed to be done at the moment.  
  
A field briefing informed me that this boy pulled from the titan's neck somehow became a titan. He was immediately attacked by swarms of hostile titans, cornering him, biting at him to devour his body as if he were human. This boy-titan then proceeded to take down twenty or more of the hostile titans, apparently cooperating with and taking orders from soldiers, before finally picking up a massive boulder and using it to seal the breached portion of the wall in Trost District, thus preventing any more titans from entering the city. The existence of intelligent titans, once only speculation following the fall of Shiganshina, was now undeniable. Furthermore, this boy-titan's actions provided evidence that he was likely on humanity's side. It was then, digesting that shocking report, that an ember of hope ignited within me.  
  
Still, I reserved judgment.  
  
Then came the day of the military tribunal that would decide the fate of the titan-boy. This day remains vivid in my memory. Our first interaction wasn't pleasant. As I descended into that basement prison alongside my superior officer Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, I had no way of knowing that one simple conversation with a prisoner of war would upend my life as I knew it. The commander's questioning of him was brief. The boy showed no hostility toward us as he listened.  
  
As he began to deliver his reply, his eyes became wild. He spoke fiercely of killing every last titan, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my faith would be well-placed in him. The titan-boy's fighting spirit fanned the tiny ember of hope he sparked in me into an undeniable flame. I was so affected by him that before I knew what I was doing, I had uttered a rare word of praise. Not bad. Anyone else hearing those words would not recognize them as praise. Only those who knew me, like present company Commander Smith, would understand the significance of my words. Words that I spoke when, after living my whole life in the underground, I saw the sky for the first time. I recruited him into the Survey Corps right then and there, though not warmly, as I then warned him I wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he turned against us.  
  
By the time all parties gathered in the courtroom, I was already deep in an internal battle over my instant attachment to the boy. This was rapidly becoming messy, and I am legendary for my stance on messes. Shortly before the trial, Commander Erwin devised a plan to ensure that the Survey Corps would obtain custody of the boy. I would follow the Commander's orders even though they repulsed me.  
  
The scene that played out next is a memory that haunts me still. I knew I had to do it to save him, but I beat that boy bloody. Mercilessly. I humiliated him in front of superiors and soldiers alike, some of whom I'd later learn were his childhood friends and fellow graduates of the 104th training division. I called him a dog, I kicked him relentlessly, I ground my boot into his bruised and bloodied face. I felt waves of guilt and nausea as I watched one of his teeth clatter across the courtroom floor.  
  
Typical of Commander Erwin's plans, it was a success that came at a price. They always come at a price, sometimes questionably high, and usually paid in lives, but if Erwin judges it to be worth the price, we trust his judgment.  This time, a boy's life was purchased at the cost of his dignity, though the significant effect it had on me was a private cost.  
  
To my great surprise and relief, the boy, Eren Yeager, did not resent me for my brutality. He flinched when I seated myself next to him, but he assured me he understood why my actions were necessary. I was placed in charge of overseeing him at all times. Our relationship progressed quickly from there, and I'm sure we both sensed that soon the lines between superior officer and subordinate would not just be crossed, but burned to ash and scattered to the winds.  
  
On quiet nights in the dungeon, he told me stories about how he had admired me before I knew him. As a child he watched me return from failed expeditions, cheering me on when others were taunting and jeering. He even punched a grown man in the head after he heard him insulting the Corps. I laughed at that. Even without having any success in our missions outside the walls, he still honestly saw the Survey Corps as wings of freedom and dreamed of one day joining us. In turn, I admired him more and more each day. Someone so young with such an unbearable weight upon them, the burden of loss, guilt, and responsibility. Just like the title I never asked for, Humanity's Strongest, was placed upon me, he also was given a title. Humanity's Last Hope. To have all of humanity's hopes and expectations forced upon you and still be able to stay as determined and confident as ever. It is beyond the grasp of most people's comprehension. I understood.  
  
He became my constant companion and confidant. Understandably, he was not trusted by the rest of his assigned squad, which was the Survey Corps elite special operations team. My team. This bothered him greatly, so he naturally grew closer to me than to any of the others. My squad - Petra, Erd, Gunther, and Auruo, the best of the best of Survey Corps veterans - eventually warmed up to him but remained cautious and ready to strike at the first sign of betrayal. That is exactly what I desired from my men. I would personally make up for the discomfort caused to Eren by it.  
  
As propriety and professionalism demands, our relationship needed to appear in public to be one a mentor and his eager apprentice, and I resisted showing blatant favoritism toward him. I allowed myself some leeway, though. For example, individual training sessions with the Corporal were deemed necessary. A recent academy graduate suddenly placed into a specialized team of veterans must be able to keep up with their skill level, so one-on-one training with me was frequent.  In private, though, when it came time to secure him in his quarters for the night, I always greeted him with a command of 'at ease.'  I was no longer Lance Corporal Levi, sir! in those private evenings behind closed doors. We were friends and equals.  
  
Since he was such a rare and valuable asset to humankind, Eren was to be constantly subjected to tests and experiments in order gather as much information on his powers and limitations as possible. Not only was this to learn how to utilize him most effectively in combat, but also to learn more about titans themselves, as titans have continued to remain a mystery despite a history of great losses in any attempt to capture and study wild specimens. Many of the experiments were gruesome, and it pained me to watch. I remained by his side through them not because it was my duty, but because I wanted to provide him with the comfort of my presence; to remind him that I saw him as a human. It was important to me to be worthy of his trust. It was one of these experiments that resulted in that inevitable crossing of the boundary between superior and soldier.  
  
Eren was lowered into a well and instructed to transform. Conducting the experiment from the bottom of a well was a preventative safety measure. I was there as a last resort should he need to be subdued. Minutes passed after the flare signaling him to initiate his transformation was fired. I cautiously approached the well with Squad Leader Hanji Zoe, a long time survey corps veteran, scientist, and leading titan researcher. Hanji was running through theories beside me as I approached the edge of the well to check on Eren. My stomach lurched at what I saw at the bottom of that well: Eren, frantic, face dripping with blood and tears, gnawing at the flesh of his thumb, crying out in frustration as he bit through skin and muscle in a futile attempt to transform.  
  
We removed him from the well and declared the experiment a failure. Hanji noted that Eren's wounds were not healing as they would normally; some of Eren's titan abilities carried over into his human form, immediate healing of wounds accompanied by steam was the most notable of these. We tended to his wounds, and I tried to provide him with as much comfort as was appropriate in the presence of others, and Eren, having failed to transform and feeling poorly about it, dejectedly joined my squad for tea.  
  
At some point during tea, he dropped his teaspoon to the ground and reached to retrieve it. The heat and sound of his unexpected partial transformation scared us all shitless. In the blink of an eye, my squad turned to strike. In the chaos of clearing steam and shouting, mostly of threats hurled at him by my squad, I placed myself between the two parties, exposing my back to Eren as a sign of trust and commanding my men to stand down.  
  
Eren tore himself from the incomplete titan arm attached to his body and collapsed from the stress and exhaustion. The squad was shocked and outraged at my intervention. Hanji was dramatically expressing their disappointment at a missed opportunity to collect data. I was biting back my fury while lifting Eren's body off the ground and into my arms, ignoring the protests of my squad and Hanji's shrill squawking, shouting an order over my shoulder not to disturb me under threat of a slow, painful death.  At that point I blocked out all other distractions and retreated to my quarters, cradling Eren's feverish, unconscious body against mine.  
  
I watched over him day and night as his exhausted body repaired itself. A transformation typically only leaves him out of commission for a day, give or take. I wondered if this time, it wasn't just the physical strain that depleted him, but the emotional as well. I sat beside him on my bed, holding his hand and softly speaking to him. I didn't know if he could hear me, but after experiencing my entire squad ready to kill him, I was going to do everything I could to make him feel safe. Protecting him was my duty, yes, but it was also my personal desire. I was so attached to him at this point that I knew it had become more than platonic companionship. Seeing him on the verge of being slain in front of me was all it took for me to make my choice. For the first time in who knows how long, I was genuinely afraid. I would not lose him.  
  
In the pre-dawn hours of the third day of his unconsciousness, he stirred. Sleep is rare for me, and it was no sacrifice to maintain my vigil at his bedside. I grasped his hand and called to him.  
  
"Eren. I'm here."  
  
A fluttering motion of the eyelids. A pause. A groan. I called to him again, louder this time, and he opened his eyes. I didn't realize just how much I missed those expressive green eyes until they found mine in the dim candlelight of my room.  
  
"Corporal…" It came as barely a rasp, his unused voice cracking as he looked away to observe his surroundings. On any other day, he would have been shouting, hurriedly raising a startled salute even though we're alone.  
  
I reached for the glass of water on the nightstand and sat up near the head of the bed to sling an arm around his shoulders and gently raise him into a sitting position. He stared at me for a moment, then down to the glass in my hand, and as he understood, I raised the glass to his lips, allowing him to drink as much as he could. I could see him tensing his grip, testing his muscles, and he hesitantly raised his hand to grasp at the glass. I held it in my hand until he was sure his grip would hold. He nodded, and I let go so he could drink on his own. Eren is strong and capable and would not appreciate me babying him, and I show my respect for him by acknowledging this. I do take the glass from him after he finishes, returning it to the nightstand.  
  
"Corporal Levi. What happened? Did… Did I lose control? How long-"  
  
While he was drinking on his own, I had not removed my arm from his shoulders. I had leaned to nuzzle my face into his hair, returning to this position after taking the glass from him. I interrupt his speech when I reach across him with my other arm to caress his cheek in the palm of my hand as I gently turn his face to look him in the eyes. Those beautiful, heartrending green eyes. He does not continue to speak, instead drawing a sharp breath as we search each other's faces in the faint, flickering light of the lone candle. I had already made my choice. I don't hesitate. I kiss him. Nothing but a slow, gentle press of lips.  
  
He kisses back.  
  
   
  
   
  
  
 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi reveals the idea that's been plaguing his mind and Eren gives his answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi says more than three words. I mean, he's been narrating this whole thing, but does this dude ever actually talk?
> 
> Thanks to everyone who took the time to read the first two chapters, and especially to those of you kind enough to leave kudos. I hope I can make this story as interesting and enjoyable as it was in my head.
> 
> I think the rating's gonna change in the next chapter. Just a hunch.

Eren sits up, directing his eyes toward me, and gives his full attention. The unimpeded sunlight washes across his face for a moment as he's sitting up. I drink in the sight of the light glinting in his eyes, mesmerized by the way his pupils immediately contract in response and how the sunlight illuminates the golden flecks in his irises.  
  
I'm reminded of a rarity I spotted on my last visit to the capital with the Commander. I remember how painfully disinterested I was in the conversation with the local representatives of the royal government that I was forced by Erwin to attend. The hand of one of the nobles seated at the table with us draws my eye. Something shiny on his hand glinted the sunlight. I looked closer and saw that it was a polished band of fine gold adorned with a row of round, sparkling green emeralds.  
  
A weird sensation flutters in my chest when I think of how Eren's eyes look just like gold and emeralds and my mind instantly supplies me with the idea that the gold and emerald ring would look far better on Eren's hand than that unworthy pig's. Shit. No one would believe you if you told them that this romantic goddamn cliche bullshit was happening in the mind of Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest Soldier right now.  
  
Eren startles me back to reality when he shifts his position slightly. I hear him address me with a slow, drawn-out version of my name spoken as a question. I… blanked out thinking - fantasizing - about his eyes.  
  
"Levi?" Get on with it, Levi. He's waiting. I begin.  
  
"I always longed for freedom. Before the Survey Corps, I lived alone in the underground. It's a dangerous and lawless place, and I mistook lawlessness for freedom. I had no family and nothing to tie me down, no one to answer to. I sought more freedom by becoming stronger than anyone who could ever try to control me. I've told you the truth about my past as a gang leader then, and you know I'm a ranked military officer now. I held and still hold authority.  
  
"When I met Isabel and Farlan," I never enjoy re-opening that wound. I pause to draw a deep breath, and I continue. "I cared for them, and protecting them became my purpose in life. Because of that, I gave up my freedom from commitment and loss and bound myself to them. I still dreamed of being free from the underground, and even free from the containment of the walls. I wanted the same for them. You know how that ended. Everything I'd done became pointless."  
  
Eren knows I didn't join the Survey Corps of my own free will. I took a job; we took a job, Farlan, Isabel and I, that promised life above ground as payment. It was a simple enough task, and we were skilled enough to complete it easily. I never expected that it would end the way it did, and I still don't know if it was worth the cost. Erwin… He rigged the game. He planned, intentionally planned, to lead the three of us into the jaws of death with no remorse. He gave me the illusion of choice, the option to accept or decline. There was only one option, and both Erwin and I knew it. I had nothing left, and Erwin used my loss against me. Without Isabel and Farlan to return to, I was now untethered from the underground. I would never be able to quench my thirst for freedom now that he'd trapped me in his snare. There's no way they could let the underground's most notorious rogue run free, right? These weaknesses were constructed and used to manipulate me into serving under his command in the Survey Corps. I was a prize for him to win all along.  
  
I worry that I'll be doing the same thing to Eren by asking this of him, playing on his weak points to manipulate him into giving me what I want. I have no intention of forcing him to agree. If he rejects it, I'll accept it and not manipulate him with guilt or fear. If he accepts it, he'll be by my side as an equal, not a soldier under orders. I'm aware of his attachment to me and his desire to please me. I don't want him to agree because he wants to please me. I don't want him to agree because of the fear my words may strike in him. This is why I asked him if he trusted me. This can't work without it. Trust not only in my intentions and judgment, but trust in my respect for him. Trust that I am actually giving him a choice. It's a serious decision to make, and it may end in tragedy like mine did. I am not like Erwin. Still, I worry.  
  
Erwin is a fearsome man. Physically intimidating but even more fearsome in his unwavering devotion to his goals. He's a strategic genius, and he's impossible to read. His is confidence in his plans is justified. He's never just two steps ahead of the enemy; he devises every strategy as if he already knows every decision that could be made and the outcomes of each. I've learned a lot serving alongside him all these years. I've learned that we are opposites.  
  
Erwin is willing to sacrifice anything to benefit the needs of many as if the ends justify the means. I'm only interested in sacrificing no more than what is absolutely necessary to protect my own interests. It's why I risk my life for humanity's victory; because I want freedom. As far as selfish interests go, that's a pretty positive one. Now I intend to sacrifice the power my position brings me, the life-saving protection that I provide to my subordinates in combat, and my reputation of being a reformed thug turned "hero" because I'm about to become a traitor. I am selfish because I want freedom, and I want Eren at my side to experience it. I hope that Eren understands that he will also be making a substantial sacrifice if he agrees and I'll try my best to fight my selfishness if he doesn't.  
  
Though, I guess I can console myself a little knowing this idea is not entirely selfish. I'm doing it for him, too. I've been watching Eren grow more and more somber and dejected with every death and failed mission, and I hate it. He longs to be released from the cage as much as I do. He's still the passionate monster I met back then, but his confidence has been shaken, and endless battles have dulled his enthusiasm.  
  
On the nights that he feels talkative, he tells me stories about things he saw in a smuggled old world book that his friend Armin owned when they were children. They're stories about the wonders that exist outside the walls, and of all the things said to exist out there, his favorite is one called the ocean. His eyes light up, and his voice becomes quick and excited when he talks about it, and I want to bring him there. I want to give him the ocean, and if it turns out to be a legend that only exists in a book, I'll make one for him if it meant he'd be as happy as he is when he talks about it. He shows interest in nothing life inside the walls has to offer, so I'm placing my bets that any sacrifice he makes will be worth it if we finally make it. This is for him.  
  
Well. If there's one thing that Erwin taught me, it's how to gamble. I've been thinking about this for a very long time now. The prize is beyond tempting. It's a gamble I'm willing to make, and I'm about to show my hand.  
  
Eren continues to listen.  
  
"I'm tired. I've lived longer than most soldiers ever expect to. Humanity has been fighting the titans for a hundred years, and we're no closer to victory. My rank in the military doesn't come with any freedom or purpose; it comes with heavy responsibility. I'd long stopped looking for purpose until I met you. I fought and followed orders. I wanted my freedom but didn't get my hopes up by expecting ever to see it; it was just all I had left to fight for. Now I have something I truly care about and a reason to fight. It's you, Eren. When you came along, you brought purpose and hope with you. I live to protect you and dream of victory for you. The difference between my duty to Isabel and Farlan and my duty to you is that I'm not chained down by you. You don't limit my freedom. Our goals are the same and the only one who can understand and lighten burden of being Humanity's Strongest is Humanity's Last Hope and I'm not going to let you shoulder it all alone."  
  
I sigh in frustration and grunt. I'm sitting here explaining everything while Eren's becoming more and more anxious. I can tell because he's fidgeting with his hands. Better just spit it out. He can ask questions later.  
  
"Look. Eren. I want to run away with you." There. Cat's out of the bag.  
  
He doesn't say anything right away. His eyes scan rapidly back and forth over my face, and I watch the display of emotions play across his. Relief for a second. Uncertainty, judging by the way he looks at me as if he's waiting for me to laugh and tell him I'm joking. Confusion. I recognize that one for sure because he always looks like he's constipated when he's confused. He looks down for a moment as he furrows his brow deeper. Finally, I watch as realization surfaces with him quickly lifting his gaze back up from his hands, his already large eyes wider than I've ever seen them.  
  
"By run away, you mean…?" Instead of telling me what he thinks I mean, Eren looks to me for an answer. Usually, he's the wordy one. Somehow I'm the one running my mouth now.  
  
"I mean deserting the military and hopping the wall. Yes."  
  
When I thought about all the ways he might react to this, my greatest fear was him being heartbroken. He is passionate, to put it mildly, in his goal to "kill all of them, kill every last titan," and he's smart enough to know that's not going to happen with just the two of us out in the wild unknown. I've worked a theory into my plan to address this. I decided last night not to reveal the second part of my plan just yet. I don't even know if what I'm considering is possible, so I'll save it for later. It's the shakiest and most risky part of the plan and I'd rather not have Eren worrying about it after I've just sprung this whole thing on him. I'm already asking him if he'll give up his dream and leave behind his friends and civilization for me.  
  
"Hm." A grunt from him in acknowledgment. He's thinking.  
  
"We'll be traitors." A statement, not a question. I nod.  
  
"I'll be hunted." Another statement. I nod again.  
  
"Probably," I say. Eren doesn't speak right away after this, so I'm not interrupting him when I explain further.  
  
"Eren, we're pawns. We're tools for the military to use and manipulate. I trust the Survey Corps' loyalty to us and I know their intentions are just, but the military police have never stopped trying to remove you from our custody. The only life for either of us is fighting and dying. We've both done more for humanity than any soldier ever has. I'm tired. I don't think a long life is in the cards for us. I don't want the burden of being humanity's strongest anymore, I don't want you to have the burden of bearing humanity's hope. I want a reward for my hard work and sacrifice while I'm still alive. I want to experience the world outside without anyone to answer to. Eren, I want freedom and I want it with you."  
  
Eren inhales a deep, full breath and squeezes his eyes shut. He's obviously stressed. I am too, except I'm already prepared. I'll do whatever this boy wants me to do, but he doesn't need to know that. I trust him not to take advantage of that even if he figures it out on his own. I also trust him not to snitch on me to Erwin about trying to get him to commit treason.  
  
"You don't have to answer now. I'll accept any answer you give me. Don't make this decision lightly, and don't you dare do it because you think it'll please me. I'll give you some time alone to dec--"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The little shit interrupted me! I think I'm rubbing off on him. Incidentally, that's exactly what I feel like doing right now if I heard him correctly. I'm not old enough to be losing my hearing. Maybe years of firing off all those flares next to my ear are catching up with me.  
  
"What? I don't think I heard you right." I realize I'm giving him my famous death glare. Whoops. So much for not intimidating him into answering me. It's the answer I wanted; it just came too quick and I need to make sure he means it. Accidental death glare might be for the best, then. He answers me just as quickly as before, now with irritation in his voice.  
  
"I said yes."  
  
Fucking impulsive, this one. But now is not the time to be impulsively fucking this one. I lift my hand to rest on the nape of Eren's neck and use it to pull him down to my face for a kiss. It's not a lust-fueled kiss. This kiss is a contract sealing kiss. Lips meet, interlocking like they were parts made to fit only with each other. Our kiss stays firm and unyielding. We share relief, excitement, and a new type of anxiety through this kiss. I allow him to decide when to break apart, and when he does, I keep my hand on his neck. I look him in the eyes intending to convey affection, but when I meet his, they have that look he only gets when he's talking about killing titans. Ah, this kid. I smile at that and make a sound that's supposed to be a laugh. Now that the dreaded conversation is over and done with, the sweat and discomfort of the hot and irritatingly bright room pull me back into the real world. I need a cold bath and I need it now, and I'm in luck because that's all we have available. Everything's just working out in my favor today, isn't it. I start to stand up.  
  
He pushes me down.  
  
   
  
 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi recalls the night of the 57th expedition.

  
The first time we fell into bed together was the night we returned from the 57th expedition beyond the walls. The mission was a failure and the Survey Corps suffered heavy casualties. My entire squad perished at the hands of a traitor, a human who had the ability to become a titan like Eren can. The many deaths we witnessed that day took a huge toll on us. Everyone who left through the gate that morning returned through it with fewer friends, assuming that those who crossed the threshold even made it back at all. This time, Erwin's gamble was a losing one, and the bets were once again paid with lives.

Even beyond the loss of life, the failure of this mission put the Survey Corps' custody of Eren in jeopardy again. It was hard on me, it was hard on the soldiers, above all it was hard on Eren, who blamed himself for the decimation of the special operations squad. I would need to discuss that with him later. For now, all I wanted to do was get back to headquarters to process the day's events over tea, away from prying eyes. I am granted this boon since Eren was injured during the mission and was currently under Hanji's observation and hadn't yet been cleared to leave. I hate the thought of him being hurt, but I knew he would be okay. I needed the time to gather myself before I could focus fully on him.

  
Everyone who returned with us was either asleep or in town drowning their sorrows, so I had the mess hall to myself. I knew this peace and quiet was limited since the failure of such an important mission was going to attract attention from the rest of the military and probably the central government, but I hoped I would get the chance to check in with Eren before duty dragged me away to deliver my report. Eventually, Eren found me there, and we sat together in somber reflection for a while. The heavy silence and the unusual emptiness of the mess hall didn't go unnoticed by either of us.

I knew what he was thinking as he looked at each empty seat at our table because I was thinking the same thing. Petra used to sit there, smiling and telling stories. Auruo would sit next to her, sometimes giving her a hard time, sometimes trying to imitate me in an effort to impress her, usually ending with him making even more of an ass of himself by biting his tongue and spitting blood on my clean table. Gunther would sit at the end, and I could never stop staring at his weird-ass hair. Erd had better hair and always sat next to Gunther. Their antics and occasional bickering grew irritating at times, but now I'd prefer the irritation over the permanent silence of death. Especially now, just after Eren had finally gained their trust. The whole squad even surprised him by marking themselves with a physical symbol of solidarity; they each bit down on the base of their thumb like Eren does to transform. That made him very happy.

  
The adrenaline of the fight had clearly run out for both of us allowing pain to overtake the numbness of shock. I would be fine grieving and coping alone, I always have been, have always needed to be. I didn't know if the same could be said for Eren, and truth be told, even though I could handle myself alone, for once I didn't want to. I know he wants a shoulder to cry on, and I am more than willing to be that for him. His two childhood friends and others he made during training in the 104th division were here at headquarters with us. He chooses to come to me. He never explains why and I don't need him to. Giving him my full attention will be good for me as well. The closeness we share provides me with comfort and focusing on Eren's needs prevents me from dwelling excessively on the tragic events of the day.

I rose from my seat at the table and was about request his company in my quarters when the weight I shifted to my ankle sent a jolt of pain up my leg. Shit. Eren hadn't noticed I'd also been injured during the mission, so he definitely didn't know that I acquired my injury rescuing him from the mouth of the titan he failed to kill. I wasn't about to have that conversation with him out in a public common room. I maintained my expression of tired indifference and spoke the first words between us that evening. It was just a simple statement: my quarters. He didn't salute or respond with his usual enthusiastic "yes, sir!" as he does when we're in public. He only nodded and silently headed in the direction of the officer's hall. I made sure to fall a few steps behind him in case I flinched, and we then retired to my room for the night.  
  
I opened the door for him, and I closed and locked it behind us. He still hadn't spoken. I'd just grabbed a match from beside the door and was raising my hand to strike it, intending to light the lamp at my desk when his walls finally crumbled. He turned to face me and pulled me into an embrace. His arms wrapped tightly around me, one across my shoulder, the other around my waist, and he hung his head down low to rest upon my shoulder.

Momentarily stunned, I stiffened for an instant before dropping the unlit match to the floor and returning his embrace. I pulled his body tight and close, and I closed my eyes as I lay my head against his chest, lifting a hand to run my fingers through his hair.  I heard how his heart rate was elevated and felt him beginning to tremble so I knew what was coming next. He was about to cry, and I didn't want him to have to do it standing at the doorway.

My next move would usually annoy him, but I didn't think he would mind in this situation. Keeping one arm around his back, I ducked and brought the other behind his knees and lifted him into a bridal carry. As I'd hoped, he didn't say anything, only giving a startled wobble to regain his center of gravity at the unexpected change in position. I flinched as I had forgotten about my injured ankle and this time he noticed. He turned his face to me, and his eyes grew wide while I carried him to my bed and sat him upright at the edge so I could kneel to remove his boots. He stares.  
  
"Levi! You're injured!"

Eren's voice doesn't come out as weak as I expected for someone on the verge of tears. It's as strong and forceful as usual as he quickly straightens his posture as if he's going to give me his usual hurried salute. His emotions are always readable on his expressive face, but I'm not exactly an expert in emotional literacy. Some are easy. Right now I can't tell if that outburst and accompanying facial expression is annoyed, angry, or concerned. Maybe it's all three. I see that he's adopted his soldier persona just as I had in the mess hall.  
  
"Mm," I reply with a dismissive hum as I remove his other boot, setting it beside the first as I move to begin working on his 3DMG harness.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me? I let you carry me! How did it happen? Levi! What will we do with our strongest soldier out of--" I interrupt his rapid questioning. I suppose I interrupt him a lot. I wonder if he minds. He never seems to. The lower body harness is sufficiently loosened and I pull it down his legs and stand to hang it on the wall. I bend one leg up behind me to pull off my boot and set it beside Eren's. He's waiting for a reply.  
  
"Oi. Calm down. It's a minor injury. What's done is done. I'll be fine." I'm a hypocrite. I get upset when Eren is injured, except I don't usually let him know that. I sit on the edge of the bed next to him to remove my other boot and avoid putting weight on my ankle again. My boots stand beside Eren's pair at the foot of the bed. His are larger than mine. I feel an odd sense of pride when I see them standing there together. I look back over to him, and he's looking away, brow furrowed, hands clenched at his knees. Walls, he's cute when he's mad. I sigh.

 

\---

 

Exhaustion had overcome us before we had the chance to continue bickering about my ankle. I'd turned around to hang my harness next to his and by the time I'd finished undressing, he was already stripped down and curled up in bed. His back was to me, a tangled mess of brown hair sticking up over the sheet that was pulled up to his ear. I wondered how humanity's secret weapon, a rage-fueled titan slayer with a thirst for blood and a knack for smashing skulls could exist in the same body as this adorable fucking… _puppy dog_ sleeping curled into himself in my bed. I was too tired to think more on that, so I sighed once more, stepping over the pile of his clothes on the floor, and joined him in bed.  
  
Eren must have woken up by himself sometime during the night. His shuddering body and muffled sniffling pulled me from sleep, and I was instantly on alert. The tears had finally come for him now that he was no longer too tired to cry. A familiar desire to protect flared in my gut and I spoke to let him know I was awake before pulling him to me.

"Eren." I speak firmly but gently to him, only loud enough for him to hear me over the sobs he was trying in vain to stifle. It startled him anyway because he froze for a second before allowing himself to be pulled onto my chest.  
  
"I'm here." I wrap him securely in my arms, pressing his head into the crook of my neck and my lips to the top of his head. I feel his hot tears drip onto my shoulder and roll across my skin toward my back. It itches.  
  
His voice cracks as he speaks. "I didn't save them. I could have saved them if I'd just transformed like I wanted to. Levi, I killed them! They died because of me!" The tears continue to fall, and sobs wrack his body, occasionally choking him. My heart feels like someone's squeezing it. I'm glad he can't see my frown.  
  
"Eren, listen to me. Did you forget what I told you earlier? There's no way to know the outcome and you made the choice you thought was right. They chose too. What's already happened can't be changed. Look at me." I grab his chin and turn his face so I can look into his eyes as I say this. "I don't blame you for what happened. No one does. We'll mourn them and continue on. You lived through today, and that's all that matters to me right now. I'm not going anywhere. I've got you. Now, cry. You need to." I give him a soft kiss and press his head back down to the curve of my neck and do my best to comfort him as he releases his pain.

Eren's breathing eventually evens out as the flow of tears stops, and his hand that rested on my shoulder starts to move down to caress my side. As his hand drags back up my body, it inches closer to my chest, slowly rubbing down the side of my pectoral muscle before tentatively stroking over my stomach with only his fingertips. He nuzzles his face even closer into the crook of my neck as his hand travels back up my body, this time with his palm fully over my pectoral. His hand drags slower this time, fingers intentionally teasing over my nipple, causing my breath to hitch and his to quicken.

I know where this is heading. I tense as a flood of conflicting emotions washes over me. Eren and I have been physically intimate but never _sexually_ intimate. We mutually benefit from acts of physical closeness like kneading each other's sore muscles after hard days of training or riding, sleeping together in the same bed, and strangely enough, grappling, which is fun because we can do so in public and it appears to anyone observing as nothing but standard combat training.

Experiencing mutual arousal isn't rare either. Kissing almost always leaves us in this state, and when waking up together on the nights we've shared a bed it's unavoidable; morning erections are a natural function of the male body. Sometimes we'll find ourselves rutting our hips together, and Eren seems to be satisfied leaving it at that. I don't push him to progress further. It's not that I don't desire him sexually. Far from it. I can't count the times I've taken care of myself with his name on my lips, and, if I'm very fortunate, and he's left one behind, one of his shirts pressed to my nose. No, it's definitely not from lack of desire.  
  
It's because I value Eren above all others and hold a deep respect for him. I know the horrors that are forced upon him. To the rest of humanity, he's a specimen. He's experimented on constantly, and those tests are never painless. He's been cut, bruised, burned, submerged, impaled, exposed to chemicals and untested medicines, forced to transform over and over until he collapses into unconsciousness for a day or more, _he's been dismembered and had his fucking face torn off_. This isn't even counting injuries incurred in the line of duty and his penchant for fistfights. How many times now has he been attacked and kidnapped? One time I told him I'd have to cut his hands and feet off. I beat him in front of a full courtroom, and that still makes me want to vomit.

His body has been abused and battered. He says he consents to the experiments, but that still makes him an object for Hanji and others to do with as they please. When he became humanity's hope, his body became the military's property. He's always under someone else's watch (luckily that's my job) and he's not even allowed to use his own power to transform unless he's given permission.  
  
Regardless of what humanity thinks he is, Eren is a man, and no man is invincible. His bones can break as much as his heart. Being treated as a monster to be feared and controlled or a living weapon with no emotion, an unlimited source of scientific data via endless vivisection and experimentation? This would destroy any other man, and yet Eren endures. Eren is precious to me, and I will prove that to him through my actions. I have no desire to use his body as a tool for my own gratification. If he never wants to enter into a sexual relationship with me, I won't fight him on it. If he does want to, it starts only when he says so. Yes, I want him. Intensely. I want his trust and respect more. I need him to know that he has a choice. His body belongs to him alone. I have a hand. I can use it. Eren, though, is irreplaceable.  
  
Eren's body is still pressed desperately close to mine. I swallow with nervousness and start lightly tracing my fingers up and down his back. He sighs at this action, and I feel his lips begin to nip at my neck, forcing an involuntary sigh from me as my heart races. It's then that I notice his erection pressing into my thigh where he has his leg draped over me. Yes, this is _definitely_ heading where I thought it might be. I try to quell my panic as my mind races. I know that Eren is a virgin, and we've never discussed this step in our relationship. He's never brought it up, and I've never pushed him to. Neither of us has even attempted any below the belt fondling with each other. Maybe that's all he's seeking. I allow this thought to calm me and let Eren set the pace.  
  
His hand that was smoothing over my torso stills as he cups it over my shoulder, and the gentle nips he was placing on my neck and shoulder turn to open-mouthed kisses, stopping to suck at my skin now and then. Now I'm feeling the heat of arousal begin to grow in my core, but I continue to let Eren lead. Suddenly he startles me by using his grip on my shoulder to flip me on top of him. Ah, fuck, yes, I'm very, definitely, undeniably aroused now. I didn't know it was possible for a cock to harden that fast.

My eyes widen in shock as they dart up to meet his. His gaze is intense, and I have only a second to take it in before he clamps his hand over the back of my head and pulls me down to press my lips against his. This kiss is very different from the affectionate ones we usually share. This one feels like desperation.

It's my turn to nip at him, taking his bottom lip in between mine and lightly tugging. He rewards me with a deep moan from the back of his throat and he kisses me more fervently than before. His head is tilted, and he uses this angle to part his lips between mine, enticing us to open our mouths to each other. He doesn't hesitate to sweep his tongue into my mouth, immediately seeking to brush against mine. I relax against him as we continue to kiss, and I relish the warmth and familiarity of having him close to me like this.  
  
When he finally breaks the kiss, the breaths escaping from his parted lips are quicker and heavier than before. Eren locks me in an intense stare, and even though the room is dark, the moonlight from the window is enough to reveal the blackness of his heavily dilated pupils. They aren't the result of the darkness of the room. His eyes never leave mine as he snakes an arm in between our bodies. I raise myself on my forearms to give him more room. I wasn't expecting him to shove his hand down between my legs and press his palm over my cock. His eyes are determined, his hand beginning to rub and knead me in firm, undulating movements. I don't stop him when he draws his palm back up and over my cock to loosen the ties of my breeches. He doesn't remove his hand once he's untied them, but he slips his middle finger under the ties of his own breeches to loosen them as well, only moving his hand away when he's completed his task.  
  
Eren's hands find a new position over the width of my lower back, tightening his grip and jerking me down to grind our hips together. I nearly fall forward onto him completely when I feel his astonishingly hard erection rub against my own. When I moan in response, he takes this as his cue to advance and slide his hands down lower on my back, so they now rest at the top of my ass. Our eyes haven't parted this entire time, and his expression is still a determined one when he slowly slides his hands down over the curve, fingers underneath and against my skin, thumbs hooked over to pull my undergarment down as he feels me.

His hands are so hot on my skin, and they're just large enough that he can perfectly cup my ass in them. I moan again at this and take my first action of the night when I reach down to strip him of the last barrier between us. I need to sit up slightly to remove our breeches completely, and I freeze as I'm struck by the sight of Eren's naked and aroused body, completely vulnerable in my presence. My mouth goes dry. I can't find any words that could ever fully describe how beautiful he is.

When I finally, regretfully, tear my eyes away from the incredible display laid out before me, I see that Eren is looking at me the same way, lifted slightly on his elbows to allow him a better view. He even swallows the same as I had and something about seeing his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallows forces me to grit my teeth.  
  
I decide to test the waters a little. I'm still surrendering full control over the situation to him, but I want him to know that the desire is mutual. I wrap my palm around his cock and start to give slow, drawn out strokes, experimenting to see what he likes by occasionally twisting my hand, varying pressure, or pulling his foreskin up over the head and watching his reactions.

He simply tosses his head back and falls back onto the bed while releasing such a long, gorgeous moan that I'm afraid I'll come right then and there. In fact, I squeeze my hand around the base of my cock to make sure that doesn't happen. I know I should probably keep our first sexual encounter from moving too quickly, but my need to taste him is far too strong to resist.  
  
I release his cock so I can hold my body up on my hands and lower myself back over him. I start by giving a kiss to the underside of his chin, then his throat, his collarbone, his sternum, his navel. The dark trail of hair leading down to his groin looks like a feast to a starving man. I nuzzle my nose in his pubic hair, inhaling his scent as deep as I can. His scent affects me like a drug and the dizzying wave of euphoria it causes makes me lightheaded. Right as I'm about to close the short distance separating my mouth from his cock, he grabs me by my hair to pull my face away.

Fuck. Fuck! I went too fast. I knew I shouldn't have tried to do that. I stop immediately and start to sit up to apologize, except I can't because he just locked his legs behind my thighs and is using them to pull me close enough for him to reach down and grab my ass. Then squeeze. With both hands. Hard. Did I just whine?

Once again he's caught me by surprise and when I look at him this time, the discomfort I expect to see on his face isn't what I find there. And, once again, I lose my breath at what I see. He's biting his bottom lip, and I should probably be worried that if he bites any harder he's gonna turn into a titan, and I'll die naked, crushed into the ceiling by my fifteen-meter tall dickless teenage monster boyfriend, but that's the last thing on my mind as he gives me a pleading look and starts to spread his legs beneath me.  
  
This entire time we've been successfully communicating without words, but now I have to break the silence. This is something I have to be absolutely certain about.  
  
"Eren. You need to tell me exactly what you want."  
  
When he looks back up to me with those big, emotion-heavy eyes, my heart thumps because there's just enough light to see the blush that's settled across his cheeks. God damn, could I be any more wrapped around his finger?  
  
"Levi…" His voice is soft and breathy, almost questioning as he says my name. I'm not used to hearing Eren speak without that deep, forceful (and occasionally inappropriately loud), confidence he usually has. That only reinforces the seriousness of this situation for me because it's a reflection of his emotional state. "I want to have sex."

I knew this was coming. But why now, after everything that happened today? How can he even think about sex when… _Oh_. It clicks. I'm at a loss for words, and I realize I'm just sort of…. staring at him. And then I notice that his expression is wavering, and he's taking my silence as rejection. I cup his face in my palm to reassure him while I close my eyes to gather my thoughts.  
  
Eren's eyes are still unsure and pleading when I meet them again. Rubbing my thumb delicately over his cheekbone, I'm finally ready to answer him. Now the softness of my voice is intentional, nearly a whisper, when I look into his eyes to speak.  
  
"Okay."  
  
Eren closes his eyes and releases a shaky breath. I now cup both hands around his face, pressing my lips to his forehead before moving down to give him a brief, soft kiss on the mouth. I understand exactly why he wants this. He just watched his entire squad die brutally. My squad. I know he blames himself. If I accept him, it'll be a sign of forgiveness, though I have nothing to forgive him for because I never once considered it his fault. And, I think, even more poignant for him is realizing that I could have died today, too, especially once he noticed that I was injured during the fight. He wants confirmation that I'm still alive. He wants the relief of having me near him, living and breathing and firmly by his side.

Truthfully, I want the same thing. Eren needs this as much as I do. That doesn't mean it's going to happen the way he's expecting it to happen. It's his first time, he's grieving, and there's no fucking way I'm going to make him do any work or hurt him physically. I'm going to take care of him tonight.  
  
He starts to wrap his legs around my hips, but I lean over to the bedside table and open the drawer, blindly feeling around for the small pouch that holds my maneuver gear cleaning kit. Eren pushes back on his hands to sit up and watch me curiously as I pull out the leather pouch and remove the bottle of oil that's used to lubricate the gear. Every soldier is required to have a cleaning kit for their gear and I'm thanking the Walls right now that I have several stashed in various places. I'm also thanking the Walls that I decided to take a shit when we got back to headquarters.

I lean back over to him and place my hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat as I gently ease him back down. I set the oil down on the bed to unwind his legs from around me, and I push them together and straddle his hips. He looks up at me in surprise, and I have a feeling he's about to protest, so I speak before he gets the chance to open his mouth.  
  
"Trust me." Eren hesitates at this, but then nods and relaxes against the pillows.  
  
I say nothing more as I retrieve the oil, pouring it into my palm and sitting back on Eren's thighs. I pour a little oil from my palm over the head of his cock before I use the rest to stroke him a few times, coating him thoroughly and making sure he's fully hard. I move back to my position straddling his hips and take a deep breath before reaching behind me to align Eren's cock with my asshole. I look at him one more time before I continue, my eyes seeking permission, and he understands because he gives a small nod and a slight smile.

I lower myself very slowly until just the very tip of his cock begins to breach me and stop, assessing his size. Determining it to be comfortable, I sink a little lower until the entire head is inside me. I still for a moment to adjust, withdraw for a little more oil, and then take him inside me once more. This time, I sink all the way down, Eren fully penetrating me, his eyes on me the entire time. I'm about to lose myself in the realization we're finally joined together, that Eren is inside my body, and _this is really happening_ when Eren pulls me out of my reverie with the best sound I've ever heard in my whole life.  
  
" _Haaaaahh_ …!" It's a long, keening moan, nearly all breath, gradually increasing in pitch and volume as his eyes squeeze tightly shut and his back arches up below me.  
  
I start to ride him, setting a slow pace. I want this time to be a comfort and reassurance for him. The fast, hard, urgent fucking can wait.  The moans, breaths, and closed-mouth whines coming from Eren below me are threatening to change my mind about that. I'm groaning and vocalizing too, overcome by the sensation of being stretched and filled by Eren's cock, how warm it is, how the friction of him sliding in and out of me is making me shiver.

Eren reaches up to grab me behind the neck, and I assume he's pulling me down for a kiss until he wraps his other arm around my waist to press my body flush against him. His cock slips out of me as I'm forced to lean forward, but I know he's asking for more contact, to have my body safe and steadfast against his, so I adjust my position for him. I reach up to grab a pillow, tapping Eren's hip to encourage him to lift it so I can place it under him. I crouch back down over him, reaching behind myself again to take him inside me. This position is a little awkward, but Eren presses his heels down into the bed to lift his hips a little more until we find an angle that works. The penetration isn't as deep like this, but it's much easier to rock back on my knees and keep my weight off my ankle than it was to use the strength of my thighs to ride him like before.  
  
As we establish a steady rhythm together, I start feeling overwhelmed again. The rumor that I'm unemotional and unfeeling is just that: a rumor. I have emotions just like any human being; I just don't allow them to be seen by anyone except those I trust implicitly. There are a few I trust, but this level of vulnerability is reserved exclusively for Eren. Having him under me, around me, inside me, sweat from our bodies mixing between us, saliva combining on our tongues, rocking in unison in a balance of give and take. I can't help but be overwhelmed. We fit perfectly together. I wonder if Eren feels this same sense of completeness.  
  
This has been a night that's required very few words, both of us content speaking through the pleasured sounds we make for each other. The only times we've spoken where when we needed to make things explicitly clear with each other. I need to make one more thing explicitly clear to him tonight. My mouth leaves his to trail kisses along his jaw. I nip at his earlobe before I start whispering in his ear.  
  
"I'm here. I'm here, Eren." I'm interrupted by my own moan. I notice that Eren's breaths have become deeper. "Eren," I whisper. It comes out as more of a moan than a word, and Eren's body tightens in response to the sound.  "I love you."  
  
I lay my head in the crook of his neck as we continue to rock together, skin sliding against skin, slick from the sweat pooling between us. Eren takes several fast, uneven breaths and starts to tremble below me before he chokes on a sob and cries. He holds me even tighter, and his rhythm falters, so I kiss his temple and stroke his hair, taking control of our movement.

We've never actually said those words to each other. We've had a mutual understanding of the feelings between us, so words were never deemed necessary, but I think he needed to hear me say it after what happened today. I needed to say it, too, because it could have been Eren lifeless and bloody in those woods today and he would have never heard me confirm it out loud. His tears are tears of emotional release, and I sense that his physical release isn't far behind because his abdomen is tensing against me and he's starting to cry my name.  
  
"I love you. I love you, Levi, _I love you_." Eren is chanting this in such a high, broken, emotional voice that's so different to my ears that I can barely take it. I don't know what exactly it is I'm feeling, but there's a lot of it.  
  
Eren starts to arch his back, his calves and thighs tense and shaking. When he draws in a deep breath and holds it, I momentarily consider making him pull out but kill that thought as quickly as it appeared. I feel Eren's cock grow even harder inside of me, so I tighten myself around him until the tension in his body snaps. He releases his held breath as a shout, and his cock throbs as he comes inside me.

Satisfied that he reached orgasm first, and even more aroused at the sensation of him coming inside me, I reach down to stroke myself to completion. Except… Eren swats my hand away from my dick, shaking his head as if to tell me no. Now I'm confused. I briefly wonder if he's going to deny me release, but maybe he just wants to do it himself. That's probably more likely. That's why I'm blindsided by what happens next.  
  
He lowers his legs and taps my thigh to get me to move off. As I start to remove myself from his lap, still hard to the point of urgency, he pulls out of me and rearranges himself to spread his legs wide before me. For what feels like the hundredth time this night, he surprises me. And, for the hundredth time this night, I'm frozen. Frozen, staring at Eren presenting his body to me, and suddenly realizing that his semen is dripping out of my ass. That's... new. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do with myself. Eren grows impatient and decides to wrap his legs around my waist to pull me towards him. That snaps me out of it.  
  
Eren reaches out to grab my hand and gives me a pointed glare.

"In me." The strong voice I love so much is back, and it sends a shiver up my spine. I shake my head at him.  
  
"That's not necessary." I want him. Wow, he looks pissed at me now. This boy is full of surprises. Unfortunately, this only serves to turn me on further, and I think I may pass out if I don't come soon.  
  
"Levi. I'm giving myself to you. I want you to have me. You don't think I can handle it? I'm not going to break." He saw right through me, and now he's offering himself to me and challenging me at the same time. Fuck.  
  
He takes my hand and guides it down low between his open legs. When he presses my hand against him, two of my fingers end up aligned with the cleft of his ass. The pressure of his hand over mine causes those fingers to dip into the cleft and brush over his asshole. "FUCK!"  
  
Judging by the shit-eating grin he just flashed me, I must have said that out loud. Some amusement remains, but his expression becomes soft and sincere again.  
  
"Levi, please. I'm asking you to show me how it feels to have you inside me. I want this. I want the same. Please trust me." This feels familiar. I try to speak but once again I'm reduced to weak whispering.  
  
"Okay."

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Erwin has some important information for Levi. Levi didn't expect it to happen so soon.

  
Levi sits in the mess hall with a cup of tea and a stack of reports in front of him, trying to resist the urge to toss them all into the fire and tell Erwin to go fuck himself. He didn't join the Survey Corps to do shitty paperwork. Some of the cadets, no longer cadets, he realizes, but veterans, are milling about in their downtime. He hears Kirstein and Springer start to argue loudly over who did or didn't cheat in the card game that's now scattered over the table and floor. He thinks he's starting to feel a headache coming on and gives up trying to concentrate on the reports with all the noise. Levi finishes the last of his tea, pushes his chair back, and stands. He's about to leave when Armin Arlert comes running up to him.  
  
"Sir!" Arlert salutes. After all they've been through together, Levi barely sees the need for such formality anymore. Besides, the Survey Corps is only hanging on to its military status by a thread these days, so they probably won't have to continue saluting him for very long.  
  
"The Commander wants to see you in his office right away!"  
  
"At ease, Armin. Thank you." This sounds urgent. Usually, Erwin just comes to find him himself. Levi heads for Erwin's office, papers in hand, wondering what could be so urgent that he'd send someone running to find him.  
  
Levi knocks on Erwin's door. Another formality that he's not sure why he bothers with. He's Erwin's right-hand man, second in command of the Survey Corps, whatever he might be discussing in there probably concerns Levi as well. Levi then remembers that a breathless Armin Arlert was the one sent running to find him. Levi doesn't want to continue that thought. He's glad he knocked. He decides to maintain the formality of knocking on the Commander's door before entering.  
  
"Enter."  
  
"What is it, Erwin?"  
  
"We have a lead on the whereabouts of the two soldiers responsible for breaching the wall and kidnapping Eren. Ymir was captured re-entering the city and we were able to obtain this information during her questioning."  
  
Levi knows he's referring to Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, who escaped aided by Ymir following Eren's capture and recovery. Nobody has been able to determine Ymir's true allegiances or loyalties apart from her continued devotion to guarding Queen Historia Reiss. That's why he tries not to set his hopes on Ymir's information being reliable, even though this discovery is incredibly fortuitous, unbelievably so. He surmises that Ymir likely returned on her own after being separated from Historia in her escape during the failed kidnapping. Since Historia is here, Ymir probably has no reason to feign loyalty to Braun and Hoover now that they have nothing she wants from them. Levi doesn't believe in any gods, but he can't help feeling like this is a sign. No, it's a coincidence, that's all it is. A convenient one.  
  
He still hasn't told Eren about this part of his plan. He's been waiting for more information to confirm his theory before revealing it to him. It probably won't work so he doesn't need to tell him unless he knows for certain it will. Or, at least that's what Levi tells himself. The truth is, Humanity's Strongest is a coward. He feels guilty for betraying Eren's trust in him, but the fear of Eren's reaction is stronger than the guilt. He realizes he hasn't been paying attention to Erwin all this time. He should respond. He can't let Erwin read into his momentary distraction. Levi clears his throat, turning his attention back to the large, imposing man in front of him.  
  
"What do you need me to do?"  
  
"We have detained Ymir for further interrogation. As soon as we have enough information to take action, we will be pursuing our targets. Prepare your squad to leave immediately. Expect an ambush and plan accordingly. Dismissed."  
  
"Understood." Levi turns to leave and his hand stills on the doorknob when Erwin addresses him one more time, Levi's back still turned to him.  
  
"I trust you to ensure this mission's success."  
  
"Of course." Erwin has always been near impossible for Levi to read and that final comment does not sit well with him. Anxiety creeps into his thoughts, and he forces himself to focus. He needs to find Eren.

 

\---

 

Levi locates Eren sitting at a table in the mess hall, tinkering with his maneuver gear, adjusting screws, checking it over for any damage or malfunctioning parts. Armin Arlert is sitting next to him, engrossed in a ridiculously large book. Levi doesn't understand how Armin doesn't become bored reading all of those huge, uninteresting looking books, but he's glad that he does. Levi has grown to have a great respect for Armin's ability to analyze situations and formulate effective plans in the heat of battle. He's starting to take after Erwin, Levi muses, achieving a level of strategic genius rarely seen in anyone other than the Commander. Eren looks up from his work when he hears footsteps approaching.  
  
"Eren. Spar with me." Levi doesn't wait for a response, just continues walking toward the door to the courtyard and Eren knows well enough to follow. Levi hears the sound of Eren's tools being dropped on the table, followed by the noise of Eren's chair scraping loudly across the floor from being pushed back abruptly. Levi's hurried pace brings him out into the courtyard before Eren can catch up, but Eren is by his side moments later.  
  
Eren graduated first in his division on hand-to-hand combat skill, though only fifth in his class overall. Levi enjoys having someone who can keep up with him in a fight, so he frequently spars with Eren to sharpen his already impressive skills. He takes pride in watching Eren improve every time they train together. Even though Eren is naturally adept at physical combat Levi still outmatches him; he's called Humanity's Strongest for a reason. Sometimes, though, Levi and Eren spar not to train, but to relieve stress. This is one of those times.  
  
"Corporal, what's up?" Eren doesn't salute, but he does address Levi by title as they square off in the public courtyard.  
  
"Drop the 'corporal.' There's no one here." Levi removes his jacket, tossing it aside, and rolls up his sleeves before he begins to bend and twist to stretch his muscles.  
  
Levi seems preoccupied; Eren thinks to himself as they move from stretching to throwing a few quick jabs and dodges. Eren can read Levi very well by now and seeing him throw his jacket to the ground puts him on high alert. Having sufficiently warmed up, they start to spar in earnest, neither landing a hit on the other. They continue for a long while in silence until Levi lands a swift kick to Eren's side, earning a cough and choked sound from him as he tries to regain his breath after the hit.  
  
As they resume their fighting stance and continue their bout, Levi breaks the silence but doesn't look at Eren.  
  
"Erwin is sending us on a mission."  
  
Eren doesn't say anything, waiting for Levi to continue.  
  
"He has a lead on Hoover and Braun. We're to be prepared to depart on a moment's notice. I think he might have located them." Levi never stops directing blows toward Eren. He sees the shock appear on Eren's face before instantly twisting into that expression of bloodthirsty rage he's seen so many times since the fateful day in the basement dungeon. He's glad that Eren still makes that face, even if it is rare nowadays. He notes that despite the high emotions, Eren has never once taken his attention off the fight, flawlessly dodging everything Levi throws at him until Eren unexpectedly grabs him by the cravat and pulls him forward with jarring force. Levi lets his fists drop and relaxes his stance. He's so utterly in love with this kid. No one has ever made him feel this much pride and possessiveness. Eren's strength and will is an incredible turn on for him, but now is not the time to be thinking about that.  
  
Eren leans in, careful to keep his voice down even though there's no one else in the courtyard with them. "Can't wait," Eren whispers, breath hot against Levi's ear.   
  
Their proximity now allows him to feel the heat radiating off of Eren's body. It wraps him in Eren's scent which is amplified in the heat and augmented with the suggestive smell of his sweat. The only sweat in the world with a scent that Levi's body is subconsciously conditioned to respond. He needs to cut this temptation short before it becomes too much to resist, so he places his hands on Eren's shoulders, pushing him back enough to look into his eyes.  
  
"Go pack. Erwin said to expect an ambush, so do what you need to do to prepare. Remember what we planned and secure as many extra rations as you can. I have to take care of something before we leave. Don't wait up for me. Inform the squad. Now go." Levi holds eye contact for several more seconds before he gives Eren's shoulders a subtle but reassuring squeeze. Eren is left standing alone in the courtyard as Levi heads off in the direction of the city. Eren watches him until he disappears from view, never once turning to look behind him.  
  
Levi's sudden departure leaves him feeling empty and strangely uneasy. Nevertheless, he obeys Levi and returns inside to begin packing.

 

\---

 

Eren makes his way back to the mess hall to retrieve his gear. Armin is still reading his book next to Eren's abandoned gear. Jean and Connie have returned to their usual seats, having cooled down from their earlier argument, but are currently glaring at each other over the dice game that has replaced the cards. Eren sits down next to Armin and Armin marks his place in his book.  
  
"Corporal Levi seemed angry."  
  
"Erwin's sending us on a mission." Eren's voice comes out in a hollow monotone. Armin knows this must be something serious to have Eren acting so distracted and emotionless.  
  
"That must have been what the commander wanted. He said it was urgent." Armin is looking down at his hands in lap, eyes unfocused.  
  
"We're going after Reiner and Bertholdt."  
   
Armin only nods, expression now serious. It's a touchy subject for all the graduates of the 104th. Reiner and Bertholdt were such great friends to everyone, mentoring and encouraging anyone who needed it, even telling terrible jokes to raise morale. Naturally, everyone was shocked and devastated when Reiner and Bertholdt confessed to being the two titan shifters responsible for ending humanity's 100 years of peace and destroying countless lives. Reiner, the armored titan, and Bertholdt, the colossal titan, further exacerbated things by kidnapping Eren, never even revealing their motive for doing so. The pair did provide Eren with some vague but significant information, but he hasn't been the same since.  
  
"I'm supposed to tell everyone to be on standby for an immediate deployment." Armin nods again, and Eren stands up to deliver the message to Connie and Jean across the way.  
  
"I have orders from Corporal Levi to inform you that we've been assigned to a mission. We're to pack and prepare to leave immediately. If you see anyone else on the way, please make sure they know."  
  
Connie gets up in a hurry, knocking the dice off the table and nearly slipping on them as he mumbles something about finding Sasha. Jean rises as well, but instead of heading in the direction of the dorms with Connie, he stalks over to where Eren and Armin are seated, standing directly across from Eren and slamming his hands down on the table. Armin shoots Eren an undecipherable look, closing his book and jogging to catch up with Connie.  
  
"Yeager."  
  
"What do you want, horse face? Didn't you hear the order to go pack?"  
  
Eren and Jean have butted heads ever since their first day of training. Most of their conversations devolved into arguments, which then frequently resulted in fistfights that Mikasa would usually show up to mediate. They've grown to tolerate each other, and possibly even respect each other, but they'll still deny that if you ask them.  
  
"I overheard what you were saying to Armin. We're finally going after those traitors, aren't we." To Eren's surprise, Jean lets out a long breath, brushing his hand back through his two-toned hair, and calmly sits in the seat across the table. "After what happened last time…" Jean trails off, looking off to the side of the room with his lips pursed. He seems lost in thought for a moment, but after a few seconds, he turns his face back to Eren, massaging his brow with his thumb and forefinger.  
  
"I know what's going on between you and the corporal."  
  
Eren's irritated expression quickly turns to one of rage. He presses his palms on the table, leaning forward to come face-to-face with Jean, probably about to start another fight with him, but Jean stops him.  
  
"Hey, whoa. Chill. I'm being serious right now. Just… just sit down and listen to me. I'm on your side here, Yeager, hear me out. Ugh. This was a bad idea." Jean seems pained to say this. Eren sits back down, curious, but crosses his arms impatiently.  
  
"You and the corporal… Marco and I were the same way. Together. Look, I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what you're worried about. I'm just tryin' to say… tch," Jean makes a noise of frustration and runs his hand back through his hair again. "When Marco and I got separated during that battle when they appeared in Trost, Marco… died. I wasn't there with him. I don't even know how it happened. I didn't even know he was dead until I found his body rotting in the street. I never even got to say goodbye. If I had stayed by his side, maybe…" Jean now looks pained and covers his face with his hand, looking down to the table.  
  
"Jean," Eren's entire demeanor has softened, all traces of anger completely vanished.  
  
"They kidnapped you last time, and Levi wasn't there. Look, I don't even know why I care. I just… I see how you and the corporal are together. And, god, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I… owe you. I probably wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for all your bullshit speeches and the corporal's hellish training. And Marco, he always wanted us to get along instead of fighting about everything. Marco liked you. Ah, what am I saying."  
  
"Jean… Thank you."    
  
"Whatever, Yeager. Make sure not to get your ass killed. I'm going to pack."

 

\---

 

Levi pulls the hood of his rain gear up over his head as he descends into the tunnel leading to the underground. He makes sure his gear is well-hidden, and his face is shrouded in darkness before he exits into the horrible, familiar stench of the city. He bitterly thinks that he shouldn't even need to hide his identity because after he disappeared from the underground, no one ever heard from him again. Not like anyone from down there ever makes it up to the surface to learn that he's now Humanity's Strongest, the Survey Corps' golden boy. Besides, the only people from the underground who knew what happened to him were Isabel and Farlan, and they're dead. But, Levi knows better to assume anything. Now is the wrong time to be taking unnecessary risks.  
  
All of this is happening a lot faster than Levi expected. He never thought he'd be leaving on this mission so soon, but here they are. He doesn't know when they'd get another perfect opportunity like this, so it has to be now. Still, he'd hoped to have a little more time to do all the things he wanted to do with Eren before they left civilization for good. Well, if he's only going to get one chance to do this, he might as well go big.  
  
A pouch containing an obscene amount of money hangs heavily on his belt. He makes his way over to a street he once visited frequently, hoping the man he's looking for is even still alive. He's surprised to see him standing in front of the very same shop Levi remembers, leaning against the wall and smoking. Rich bastard, Levi thinks. It's always the ones with money who survive down here. The man is a black market trader. A smuggler, though he doesn't do any smuggling himself. Levi knows that the shop he's standing in front of conceals another tunnel leading above ground. No one enters or leaves it. All business is conducted at the mouth of the tunnel, which acts as its own type of storefront. Thieves from up top trade and barter with thieves from down below, smuggling across all sorts of things from booze and weapons to even fellow humans.  
  
Levi approaches, head still tilted down enough to obscure his face.  
  
"I need a few things, and I need them today."  
  
The man tosses his cigarette to the ground, the butt sure to be fought over by street kids as soon as he walks away. He smiles a smile that makes Levi feel the sudden urge to bathe.  
  
"Right this way."

 

\---

 

Eren wakes at the sound of Levi opening and closing the door to their room. He hears Levi moving around the room, rustling around, opening drawers, removing his gear and getting undressed. He rolls over to face Levi as he gets into bed.  
  
"Mm, you're back. It took you a while. Where did you go?"  
  
"I had to see a few people. I'll need to go out tomorrow evening as well."  
  
"Jean talked to me today."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Eren tells Levi all about his conversation with Jean. He knows that Eren and Jean have never gotten along, so hearing that they've more or less made nice with each other makes him think. He thinks about what Eren tells him about Jean and Marco, and how it ended, and what Jean meant by what he said to Eren. He feels unusually moved by what he hears and decides there's one last thing he has to do before they leave for good.  
  
"Have you finished packing? Everything?"  
  
"Mmm hmm. Like we talked about before."  
  
"Good," Levi mumbles into Eren's hair and kisses his head, "Get some sleep."  
  
As he settles into their usual position with his arm across Levi's waist, chin resting on the top of his head, Eren notices something.  
  
Levi smells weird.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More missions are failed and the aftermath is more than just dead soldiers and destroyed cities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are alternating between present events and Levi's recollection of the past. Just to clarify.

As I expected, we wouldn't make it through the night uninterrupted. The knock came shortly after I had finished taking Eren for the first time. We were still lying in bed, sweat cooling on our skin, wordlessly taking comfort in each other's warmth and our newly strengthened bond.  
  
"Corporal Levi, sir!" I recognize the voice as belonging to Armin Arlert, one of Eren's closest friends. Eren recognizes it as well, and he sits up in alarm to listen carefully. I motion for him to remain quiet.  
  
"Speak."  
  
"The Commander requires your presence in the mess hall. We've received urgent news from the capitol regarding the custody of Eren." Eren tenses at this, looking over at me in concern. I kiss his shoulder, pulling him tighter to me before leaning my head against it to reassure him.  
  
"Will that be all?"  
  
"Yes, sir!"  
  
"Dismissed."  
  
I sigh frustratedly and kiss Eren's temple. Neither of us wants to be torn away from our moment of peace, but it is our duty to obey orders.  
  
"We have to get up. Dress quickly." Eren doesn't argue though he doesn't seem at all pleased. I pull on a simple shirt and pants, no desire to put my filthy uniform back on, and also not required to since I'm on temporary leave due to my injury. None of the cadets have seen me out of uniform before, but one of the perks of being an officer is that no one will be brave enough to comment on it. By the time I finish dressing, I see that Eren is in full uniform. I remember that he's a new recruit, fresh out of training. Dressing quickly is one of the skills they learn in training, and he hasn't been enlisted long enough to start slacking off on it.  
  
We make our way down to the mess hall, both of us walking with a strange gait. Mine because I'm purposefully avoiding putting unnecessary weight on my ankle. Eren's looks more uncomfortable than pained, and I deduce that his is the result of our recent activities. We hadn't yet made it out of bed to bathe. I'm strangely pleased by this. Regardless, we say nothing as we arrive and seat ourselves separately at the table where Erwin and the graduates of the 104th training division that participated in the mission have already gathered.  
  
"Now that we are all here," Erwin begins, pausing to glance at Eren and I. Both of us are still damp with sweat, reeking of sex, Eren's hair even more of a mess than usual, which is saying something. "There's an urgent matter to address."  
  
All eyes are on Erwin as he continues. "As anticipated, news of our failure to capture the female titan has reached the military police. They've demanded custody of Eren Yeager, effective immediately. Corporal Levi and I have been summoned to the capital to release Eren to the Military Police. It is important that we do not allow this to take place. However, another urgent situation has presented itself, further complicating matters. In light of the information presented to me, primarily the result of Armin's sharp and calculated observations, I am confident that we've identified the female titan as a member of the military police."  
  
Erwin's demeanor noticeably changes from one of strict professionalism to one of barely contained anger as he reveals the identity of the traitor.  
  
"Graduate of the 104th training division Annie Leonhart."  
  
Eren explodes in a fit of rage, slamming his fist on the table as he leaps up, shouting his disbelief and opposition as the others try to reason with him. It's painful to watch Eren in this state, realizing that one of his friends and classmates is the one who murdered his squad in front of him and then tried to kidnap him, nearly killing him in the process. This, too, on top of just being told that he's now been ordered into immediate Military Police custody, believing that he caused the mission to fail and his squadmates to die. All I can do right now is try to convince him that despite the lack of solid evidence, we must take this chance and trust in whatever Erwin is planning.  
  
I'm relieved when it's Armin that attempts to soothe Eren. As much as I ache to be the one doing it, this is the better option in this situation. As Armin presents the observations that led to his conclusion that Annie is indeed the traitor responsible for today's tragedy, Eren begins to tire and give in, no longer arguing. Deeming Eren to be either compliant or convinced, Armin then explains the details of the plan to capture Annie and maintain Survey Corps custody over him for as long as possible. I keep a close eye on him as I memorize the details of tomorrow's operation.  
  
Eren and I will be separated, with me accompanying Erwin to the capital to stall the military police using Jean Kirstein, disguised as Eren, as a decoy. Eren objects loudly to this, forcing me to hide a smirk behind my teacup. Eren will be part of the group responsible for luring Annie into a trap set by Hanji's squad. If all goes as planned, Annie will be captured and interrogated, and Eren's usefulness will be proved, allowing him to remain under my watch. I only hope that Eren's hatred of titans and desire for revenge will overpower his disbelief of the accusations against Annie. If he hesitates, he will be captured or killed. Titans aren't our only enemy anymore.  
  
"You're all dismissed. Go over your plans and get some rest. Levi, stay behind."  
  
I was already standing to leave when Erwin ordered me to remain. It's not unusual for Erwin to discuss additional details with me in private. I watch as the room clears, making sure to make eye contact with Eren as he walks past. He looks exhausted, and his lips are drawn into a tight frown. When the room is finally empty, Erwin addresses me.  
  
"Levi." He pauses, his expression unfamiliar to me. His face is serious, but the softness of his eyes mirrors the softness of his voice as he says only one more thing to me.  
  
"I won't allow him to be taken. Dismissed."  
  
I say nothing in response. Erwin is truly, truly the most fearsome man I've ever met. I'm grateful to have him on my side, I think as I return to my quarters to rejoin Eren in bed.

 

\---

 

The operation was only a partial success. Lives were lost, nearly all of Stohess was destroyed, Erwin actually offered himself to be executed for treason against the royal government, and Eren ended up needing to be cut out of his titan. Arlert's hunch about Annie being the female titan turned out to be correct, and we were able to capture her… In a sense. She has this annoying habit of avoiding imminent death and this time she turned herself into a gigantic fucking paperweight. Completely useless. At the very least she won't be able to escape and kill any more of my men.  
  
No one's told me if there's been a decision made regarding Eren's fate. I already know I'm not going to let anyone get their hands on him, but doing that without breaking the law is preferable. Less paperwork. Eren's currently in bed next to me, still unconscious after I had to physically remove him from his titan body after he lost control and tried to eat Annie. Now that she's made herself useless to us, I'm starting to think I should have just let Eren eat her.  
  
I stroke Eren's hair as he lies unconscious, taking some comfort in the fact that I can hear his steady breaths and his strong pulse, but I wish he were awake now. I want to see his big green eyes. I want to hear his voice. I'm on edge because of how vulnerable he is right now. He's a target. Ever since the word spread that a human turned into a titan, people have been after him. Obviously, there's the Military Police, who wanted him from day one, and last I heard, are still after him. Annie tried to take him before and who knows how many others like her there are in the city. There's also countless people who protest his continued existence and some have even formed militia groups, all convinced that Eren is not human, that he's a titan spy and can't be trusted, so he should be destroyed immediately. If only they knew. There are others as well, but the fact remains that if any of them were to spring an attack on us right now, I could only defend. I will protect him with my life; that's a given, but if he was conscious he could escape. With him unconscious like this, I'd have to kill every single person. Not something I want to do. Maybe I should start sleeping in my gear.  
  
A knock at the door draws me out of my internal strategizing.  
  
"State your business."  
  
"Sir! It's Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, and Mikasa Ackerman. Pardon the intrusion, but we'd…. we'd really like to see Eren."  Armin's voice loses its force toward the end. I know how close they are to Eren, and I know he would want to see them as much as they want to see him if the situation were reversed. I don't object to this either. They've proven themselves to be capable and trustworthy soldiers.  
  
I get up to open the door and notice immediately how much I miss Eren's body heat now that I can't feel it.  
  
"Get in."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
Mikasa rushes to sit beside Eren on the bed. We have a lot in common, Mikasa and I. Not only is her strength and skill legendary, a rival to my own, but her protectiveness, loyalty, and dedication to Eren are unwavering. Sometimes too unwavering as she's been known to disobey orders in favor of protecting him. Must be an Ackerman thing. Can't say I mind. She is cold toward me, but pleasantries aren't necessary. I trust her. She's risked her life to save Eren even more times than I have.  
  
"I'll give you some privacy. Come find me immediately if he wakes up."

 

\---

 

Eren does wake shortly after. I give the order that I am not to be disturbed unless it's a matter of life and death and Eren and I hole ourselves up in my quarters.  
  
We spend the time taking comfort in one another's presence. Resting, talking, making love, confirming that we are both alive, savoring the moment while we still can. Learning the details of this last mission rattles Eren even more, and he's noticeably depressed. He is unusually clingy, his usual liveliness replaced by lethargy and apathy, occasionally giving way to tears and outbursts of guilt and self-doubt. I do my best to bolster him, but his confidence has never been as low as it is now. It worries me to see my Eren, the most determined and willful person I've ever known, sink into this state.  
  
Our few days of peaceful recovery eventually restore him to a more normal mood and during this time we move all of Eren's belongings into my room. This seems to lift his spirits the most, being able to call it 'our' room and knowing that he won't be sleeping alone in a cold dungeon or a communal dormitory anymore.  
  
Unfortunately, this peace doesn't last. It never does. One knock on my door and everything goes to total shit.  
  
It's chaos. Turns out there's titans IN the walls. No, not between the walls, but inside the walls themselves, though the titans end up between the walls too. Funny, that.  
  
Eren and I are assigned to different teams again during this mission, and I am livid. Erwin sends Eren and the available members of the 104th on a rescue operation while titans are rampaging within the newly breached Wall Rose. I'm unfit for combat because of my injury, so I join Hanji to gather information from one of those crazy Wallists, who have been hiding that whole titan-in-the-wall thing from us the entire time. While I'm doing this, the Military Police, who could be fighting titans instead of bitching about them, are standing around scratching their asses. Eren gets kidnapped. Again. By his own friends. _Again._ Gets his arms cut off. Erwin too, but only one of them. Eren almost dies more than once, and I don't even know about it until I overhear someone talking about it. Ackerman saved him. I resolve to keep an Ackerman near Eren at all times.  
  
On top of all this, we suffer enormous casualties, losing some of our best men in battle. Mike Zakarius, who held the title of Humanity's Strongest before it was forced on me, missing in action. A nice way of saying 'eaten.' To add even more shit to the colossal pile, they tell me that I've been killing humans this entire time. Yeah, not only are titans inside the walls, they're all human, too, or used to be. A couple of them can talk. Then I overhear someone else saying that Eren ended up face-to-face with the titan that ate his mother. Had to watch the man who saved him as a child get eaten by that very same titan while trying to rescue him. _Again._  
  
Fuck! This is all too much. I am positively reeling from this insanity, and now I think it's my turn to lean on Eren.

 

\---

 

I didn't see Eren when the 104th returned to headquarters from their mission. Didn't have time to find him, either, as I was ordered to report directly to Erwin's hospital room for debriefing. I can only drift in and out of attention while he's talking because my mind is elsewhere. I can't focus. I can get the details later. He says Eren's name a few times. I don't even remember if I said anything when I left, and I probably looked like a walking corpse judging by the way everyone I passed in the hall was avoiding me.  
  
After checking all the usual places Eren might be, there's still no sight of him. My guts are in a knot. I just want to see him. Not seeing him walking about, eating in the mess hall with the others, or sleeping in our room, I assume he's been injured, so I head down to Hanji's lab. They like watching him heal. If I find them experimenting on Eren down there, they'll be watching themselves heal.  
  
I don't bother knocking. Hanji is startled when I barge into the room. He's not in there.  
  
"Shit-glasses. Where's Eren." I'm sure Hanji isn't to blame, but by now I'm having a hard time controlling my anger. My words come out as a growl through gritted teeth.  
  
Hanji releases a long, slow breath, lifting their glasses to rest on the top of their head. Placing their hand on their forehead, they look up to me with sympathetic eyes.  
  
"He's still unconscious from the fight. His injuries are extensive, and they're taking a long time to heal. I have him in a private room down the hall so I can monitor him. Levi, I don't think he'll be up--"  
  
I interrupt them before they get a chance to finish their sentence.  
  
"Bring me to him. Now." Hanji simply nods and leads me to Eren's temporary recovery room.  
  
I sit down on his bed, brushing my hand over his forehead and into his hair. He's hot. Very hot. If I didn't know this was part of his titan healing process, I'd be worried he'd die of fever. He doesn't stir in response to my touch.  
  
"I'm taking over his care. I'll send for you if the need arises."  
  
I scoop Eren into my arms, holding him in that bridal carry that annoys him so much. Hanji says my name, but I don't stop to let them finish whatever they were going to say. I storm off, and my aura must be terrifying because no one will even look me in the eye as I make my way up to our room holding the limp body of my lover in my arms.  
  
When I lay him on my bed - our bed - I take in his appearance. I see where the injuries are still in the process of healing, and I notice the sweat covering his skin. I carefully undress him and retrieve a pitcher of cool water and a cloth from my private bath and begin to clean his body. I try to keep him as comfortable as possible, but the stress of the day catches up with me, and I fall asleep curled up against his burning skin.  
  
It's a while before Eren wakes. I'm left to my thoughts as I look over his sleeping form, and I end up descending into a dark place. I stroke his hair absently, silently willing him to wake up while simultaneously feeling guilty about how needy I am for him right now after he's been through so much. He does wake, though, and we spend the first few hours clutching each other in silence.

 

\---

 

Eren is awake but hasn't spoken a word to me yet. He's sitting up, reclined against the headboard of the bed with his hands clasped behind his head. I've been lying with my ear against his chest, and I assumed that he was resting with his eyes closed, but when I look up at him, I start to worry. His eyes are open, but they're not focused on anything. I sit up so that we're level with each other, and I turn to face him. Only then does he turn his eyes toward me.  
  
"I failed." Deadpan. Emotionless.  
  
"You didn't fail, you--"  
  
"Levi, I fucking failed! I couldn't do anything! I couldn't save anyone! I couldn't even save myself! What am I even good for? All I do is get people killed. And for what? What do I even have to show for it? I get captured every fucking time and then everyone comes running to save me. Humanity's hope. What a joke. How the fuck can anyo--"  
  
He's shouting at me. Ranting. Emotion slowly surfaces, starting out as anger and falling into a despair that makes it sound like he's on the verge of tears. There's no way I can think of myself right now. I can't expect him to hold me up when he's about to fall.  
  
"Oi. Eren. Stop."  
  
"What the fuck am I supposed to do? Everything I do ends up--"  
  
I won't let him finish venting his frustration. He blames himself for everything. I use a little too much force when I grab him by the jaw and force him to face me.  
  
"You think you failed? Tell me, where do you think we'd be without you? Erwin told me that you managed to control a horde of titans somehow. Can anyone else do that? Has humanity ever had anything like you? Look, if you need to grieve, grieve. If you don't want to fight anymore, I'll be right there with you. But don't you ever fucking tell me that you're useless again. You hear me?"  
  
Eren doesn't react at all. He just looks down at his lap.  
  
"Mikasa tried to kiss me."  
  
I don't even know how to respond to that. How can he go from beating himself up over his perceived failure to talking about kissing his sister faster than shit through a goose?  
  
"…. the fuck, Eren." I can't help it. I laugh. He gives me the most hilarious confused look before he starts laughing too.  
  
I'm really happy to hear him laugh.

 

  
  
   
  
 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last night before the fateful mission.

  
  
In preparation for the mission, Erwin orders Squad Levi (which now consists of the elite veterans of the 104th training division) to station themselves in a temporary safe house near Shiganshina, in titan territory. Reiner and Bertholdt were reported to have been seeking refuge in Shiganshina after their failed attempt to kidnap Eren and may be searching for Eren's childhood home with the intention of obtaining whatever it is that is hidden in the basement there. During Ymir's interrogation, another key piece of information was revealed: Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt came from the same village, and though she gave them no exact location, that village may be located east of Shiganshina, outside the walls.  
  
On the day of transfer to the safehouse, the troops and the officers depart separately. The troops are to maintain a small formation to attract as little titan attention as possible. Reports from patrol squads have reported only very light titan activity within Wall Maria, and the time of departure should have them arriving at the fortified safe house around sunset, lessening the chances that titans will notice the human presence in the city. If all goes as planned, Squad Levi should be able to make a clear shot straight through Trost on horseback with little to no titan interference and arrive in Shiganshina in under three hours. Levi and Erwin are trying to recruit reinforcements from the Garrison and MP to supplement the few remaining members of the Survey Corps. The outcome does not look promising.  
  
Levi sees Eren off as he leaves with the 104th for Shiganshina. He double checks Eren's saddlebags, silently hoping that the added weight doesn't slow his horse down. He can't risk putting them in the wagon with the rest of the supplies, and he'll carry the most valuable items himself in case Eren gets separated from his horse. He is worried about sending Eren into titan-occupied territory, but Mikasa is going to be with him, and if Levi can't be by his side, she's the next best thing. If all else fails, Eren can shift and use brute force or his more refined titan abilities to defend himself and his comrades.  
  
Levi rides up next to Eren as the rest of the squad begins to exit the city. Their hoods are pulled up over their heads to shield them from the afternoon sun, and Levi uses this detail to his advantage. He pulls Eren in for a kiss, faces hidden by the hoods of their cloaks. Before Levi releases him, he whispers a final order to Eren.  
  
"If you arrive in the city on time, meet me on top of Wall Maria by sunset."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
Levi turns his horse to watch Eren leave. Eren looks back just before he passes through Trost's newly repaired gate, mouthing something at him that he can't make out from this distance.  
  
As soon as Eren is out of sight, Levi returns to the city to arrange a few more details with Hanji and Erwin. He knows it's another gamble, but it's a small one. He hopes he hasn't misinterpreted Erwin's recent cryptic comments and stern looks, and even more that he can trust Hanji's big, loud mouth.

 

\---

 

Levi sits on the ledge of one of the battlements atop wall Maria, legs dangling precariously over the edge. He's unconcerned about falling; he's wearing his gear. As he's gazing at the sun just beginning to set over the free territory in front of him, he's lost in thought about tomorrow's mission. His conversation with Erwin earlier paid off, but Erwin's behavior was still unusual. Does Erwin suspect him? Will they be able to make their break from the formation plausible, or better yet, completely unnoticed? Or will they just be eaten by titans before they can even execute their plan? If they can do all that, will they even be able to locate the warrior's settlement? And if they do, will they be able to make a peaceful negotiation with them? Levi hopes so.  
  
He's distracted from his thoughts by the clank and hiss of maneuver gear and turns just as Eren leaps over the edge.  
  
"Hi." Eren's greeting drifts over from behind him, barely audible over the honking of the geese that choose to fly above their heads at that very moment, effortlessly crossing over the wall and into the outside world before they disappear from sight. Levi swings his legs back over the ledge and turns to acknowledge Eren's presence with a small smile as he rises, brushing his hands on his pants and hopping down to greet him with a kiss.  
  
It's then that Eren looks up to the elevated battlement where Levi was sitting, eyes widening when he finally notices what Levi has set up for them.  
  
"Levi, what's all this? Is that… Are we having dinner on top of the wall?"  
  
"Mm." Levi hums affirmatively with a curt nod. "I hope you're hungry. This stuff wasn't easy to get."  
  
"Yeah, I'm starving. I left before dinner to make it here. What is it?" Levi takes Eren's hand and leads him up. He climbs atop first, reaching his hand down for Eren to grab.  
  
"I can make it up there on my own," Eren says in a low voice.  
  
"I know." Levi doesn't retract his hand and Eren shakes his head but grabs the offered hand anyway. "That doesn't mean I shouldn't want to help you up."  
  
Levi has laid out a large animal - is that a bear? - skin for them to sit on. A lantern sits off to the side and draws Eren's eye to the two mess kits stacked next to it. Levi begins removing his gear and blades, dropping them down with a clank on the stone surface, distracting Eren from the mysterious items before him.  
  
Levi gestures toward Eren's gear, silently instructing him to remove his as well. "Titans can't climb, the Garrison all ran home to their mothers, and no one knows we're up here. Might as well be comfortable."  
  
He hopes that colossal bastard Bertholdt doesn't decide to show up to prove him wrong. Or that hairy fucking ape. God, that thing is creepy.  
  
He motions Eren to sit, and they both seat themselves on the thick pelt, sitting side by side looking over the landscape. The sun has sunk closer to the horizon, illuminating the trees from the right, casting everything to the left in growing blue shadow.  
  
Momentarily engrossed in the breathtaking view in front of him, Eren whispers out an awed "wow." Levi chuckles and Eren's attention is pulled back to the man seated next to him.  
  
"Levi… Is this a date? Is this a ho-," Levi interrupts Eren before he can finish that question.  
  
"Eren, don't you dare."  
  
Eren grins and finishes his question anyway. "…hot titan date?"  
  
Levi gives an irritated sigh, bringing his hand to his face, rubbing at his brow as if he had a headache. "Goddamn it, Eren." Levi's words sound angry, but Eren notices the way Levi's lips subtly turn up at the edges. Eren laughs.  
  
"Sorry, Levi. Couldn't resist." He doesn't sound apologetic at all.  
  
"Fucking… Ugh. Yes, it's a date. Can we just eat now?" He leans over to grab the mess kits, hoping the food is at least a little warm. It's not. He places one tray in Eren's lap before taking his own and opening it. When the smell of the food reaches his nose, he remembers one more thing. He stretches back over to stick his hand into the pack, and soon finding what he was looking for, pulls out a dark glass bottle.  
  
"Ah. Almost forgot."  
  
Levi sets the bottle in front of him as he reaches again for something in his bag. Eren furrows his brow and looks suspiciously at the bottle.  
  
"Is that wine? You… Didn't get that from Pixis, did you?" Eren says as he shivers at the memory.  
  
Levi produces a corkscrew from his pack and gives a rare, genuine laugh. "Fuck no. I want to show you what good wine is supposed to taste like. And you better enjoy it because this shit was harder to get than the food. You'll have to drink from the bottle because I didn't pack glasses." He's not even sure Eren is listening. He's too busy being impressed by what he found inside his tin mess kit.  
  
"That's fine," Eren says absently. He's picking up the tray and holding it under his nose, inhaling deeply and letting out an actual moan at the smell. "Oh my god, Levi. You got us real food. I completely forgot how food is supposed to smell without all that yeast. Can I eat this now? You know what, don't even answer that. I don't even care what this is, I need it now."  
  
Eren almost starts to eat with his hands and feels slightly embarrassed at his manners when he sees his fork and uses that before Levi can notice his mistake. Levi may have been a thug in the underground, but he has high standards and expects everyone else to adhere to them as well. Impressing Levi is something Eren's wanted to do even before he met him.  
  
Eren takes his first forkful and begins to chew, forgetting to swallow before exclaiming, "This is meat!" Now he's talking to Levi with his mouth full. Whatever, he's way too excited about the food to care about manners right now.  
  
Levi nods, still not having started eating his food, finally uncorking the wine and setting it down. "It's beef." Now he picks up his tray and eats.  
  
Eren seems even more amazed. He's trying so hard not to shovel it into his mouth all at once, but it's so good. He knows that with the very limited space for raising livestock, beef is an incredibly rare commodity only affordable to nobles and the wealthier people living in the interior. He feels a swell of gratitude and love for Levi providing him with such an expensive, unnecessary treat. He feels a tiny bit guilty when he thinks about how much Levi must have paid for this. Turning to look Levi in the face, he gives him a sincere thanks.  
  
"Thank you, Levi. This is amazing. How did you manage to get this?"  
  
Levi has the wine bottle raised to his lips, and as he swallows, he hands the bottle over to Eren. "Not important. Try this."  
  
Eren takes the bottle and hesitantly sniffs it. He doesn't trust wine. He's surprised that this actually smells pretty good and raises the bottle to his lips to take a curious sip. It's not bad, he thinks. It's a little strange. It's a new flavor to him and nothing like the rank liquid he nearly spat in the eccentric Garrison Commander's face on the day he was supposed to be convincing him not to kill him. It's a little bitter but sweet at the same time. It has a weird texture in his mouth when he swallows, and he feels the faint warming sensation of alcohol bloom in his nose and throat, going all the way down to his still mostly empty stomach. He gulps down a few more mouthfuls; larger sips this time, and he feels a comfortable relaxation settle in him. No, it's not bad at all.  
  
The final glimpse of daylight is extinguished from the sky as they finish their food in peaceful silence. Eren makes sure to save half of the wine for Levi. He mentally curses it for probably being ridiculously expensive if the quality of the food Levi procured for them is anything to go by. Levi doesn't do anything halfway, and he's certain the wine is just as much of an unaffordable rarity as the meat. Then he realizes that there's probably no wine outside the walls anyway. Damn. He could have gotten used to all this.  
  
Having finished their food and the remainder of the wine, Levi sets the empty containers to the side and reaches into his pack once again. Eren is curious, watching intently as Levi presents him with a small wooden box tied with red ribbon.  
  
"Open it."  
  
Eren slowly pulls the ribbon, setting it aside carefully before sliding off the lid, and looks inside. Puzzled at the contents of the small box, he looks to Levi for an explanation.  
  
"Chocolate."

 

\---

 

"The mission is tomorrow," Eren states while looking up at the stars just beginning to appear in the sky, trying to find all the shapes Armin always pointed out.  
  
"It is."  
  
"We could die."  
  
"It's likely."  
  
"That's why you did all this." It's not a question, and Levi sees no need to respond.  
  
"I guess I'll never get to find out what's in my basement."  
  
"Your house is right down there somewhere. I'll take you if you want."  
  
"….No."  
  
"Even if it's the secret to saving humanity?"  
  
"It might not be."  
  
"You can change your mind."  
  
"No." A long pause. "I don't think I actually can save them. I'm only good at getting people killed."  
  
"Soldiers know they're signing up to die when they choose to fight. Death is the wages of war. I still believe you're the best chance humanity has ever gotten to triumph over the titans. We can turn back now. I'll understand."  
  
"No. I want this. Are you forgetting that I'm a titan too? If we survive the final battle, I'll be the last titan. Did you also forget who it was that took on the responsibility of killing the last titan because no one else was suitable for the job?"  
  
Levi often thought about that on sleepless nights and dreaded that day. He had nightmares about it and Eren never knew why he'd wake up to find Levi clinging to him for dear life. It's one of the reasons he's taking this chance with him. If he sheds the wings of freedom and his oath to humanity's salvation that came with them, he also sheds his promise to kill Eren when it becomes necessary.  
  
"I don't even want to save humanity anymore. I'm not sure if I ever did, to be honest. I just wanted to kill the titans. I wanted revenge… for myself. They all wanted me dead from the minute I first discovered that I could transform. Pretty sure most of them still do. Well, fuck them. Now they can see what it's like if they had their way. Even if people die because they don't have their precious weapon anymore, at least I won't be there to see the blood on my hands."  
  
Eren sounds so bitter. Levi, of course, understands, but it's still painful to hear how Eren has changed from a confident, determined hero to a jaded, worn out soldier like himself.  
  
"I'm going to miss Armin and Mikasa."

 

\---

 

They sit in silence for a while, looking out over the free territory as the stars grow brighter against the contrast of the rapidly blackening sky. There are no lights over that horizon except the moon and stars. The small lantern still flickers next to them, orange flame mixing with cool, blue moon, creating a warm circle of light around the two of them, their own personal world on top of the wall.  
  
They meet in a kiss, slowly, a mirror of their first. That night when Levi kissed Eren in the dark as he awoke, his eyes opening to the dawn of a new era in their relationship. Hands in each other's hair, the kiss remains slow and gentle. They take their time.  
  
Levi's distracted by the weight of the tiny thing sitting in his belt pouch. How can something so small be so heavy?  
  
He'd gone into the underground to secure some necessities for their trip outside the walls. Contraband. One item, though, one tiny item, cost him more than everything else combined. It was easily the most important object as well. Levi never in his life desired to do something like this, but when he met Eren…  
  
It started as an amusing image in the back of his mind, one that he pushed away as whimsy, unnecessary whenever it surfaced. The longer he knew Eren, and the closer they grew, he started seriously considering that thing which he previously considered frivolous. It really was frivolous, having no real meaning in a world like this, but that morning when he looked into those sunlit gold and green eyes, he knew he would do it. He wanted to slip that gold and emerald ring onto Eren's finger and forsake all other loyalties, offering up his heart and life to his Eren instead.  
  
He spent a lot of time in the underground that day, a place he never wanted to see again, looking for a gold and emerald ring. He was originally planning on paying a visit to the noble who owned it and relieving him of it, but when Erwin gave the order to deploy, he knew he would never make it to Mitras and back in time. Levi may have started life as a thief, and most would believe that means a complete forfeiture of morals, but Levi's seen enough to know that morality is relative at best, a lie at worst. He's seen people starve, he's seen those starving people steal and even kill just to continue living, all the while the nobles in the interior live in comfort and luxury. In the underground, he was lucky if he even had clean water to drink. Surely living in excess while humans of the same blood and bone starve in the streets is a far worse crime than pilfering a lump of metal that joined nine others on a rich man's fingers.  
  
Levi never did find that gold and emerald ring that reminded him of Eren's eyes. He found something far better. A simple band of silver metal. Precious metals were very rare outside of Sina, most of them priceless relics from pre-wall times when the metals were more plentiful. Even though the ring looked plain, even if it was silver and not the more expensive gold, it was still extremely valuable. Except... it wasn't silver. It was platinum. Far rarer and more precious than even gold and emeralds. It is stronger than gold, heavier, and instead of bending or breaking like gold will, platinum will age and weather with wear yet remain solid. Its color is a pale silver, appearing to be nearly white. Levi never dreamed that he'd be so painfully in love that he'd consider such romantic symbolism, but that was before Eren roared into his life and demolished everything he thought was true.  
  
Levi wanted this to be a night of new experiences, trying to accomplish all those things Eren made him want to do before he died. Since when does Levi take people on dates? They'd be walking into imminent death tomorrow; it was now or never. A last hurrah of sorts. A going-away party. If they were lucky, they'd get to experience even more together. If not, he didn't want to die with regrets.

 

\---

 

Discreetly retrieving the ring from my belt, I break the long kiss and gaze at Eren with a soft expression that I didn't even know I could make. Probably the first time. Kinda wonder what it looks like. Hope it isn't frightening Eren. My face has a tendency to do that to people.  
  
Sighing, I extract myself from Eren's arms. I present myself in an act of deference to him, lowering in front of him on both knees. I grab him by the chin to encourage him to look directly at me before I speak.  
  
"We're going outside tomorrow. We're giving up everything we've ever known to chase a dream. I'd given up hope of ever tasting freedom until I met you. You're the first promising weapon against the titans; the first hope humanity has had in a hundred years. When you showed me the strength of your will, you returned hope to me. Nothing has ever given me hope, but you gave me even more than that. Purpose. Strength. A refuge. Why should I offer my heart to humanity or the Survey Corps when they've given me nothing but an unbearable burden?"  
  
Eren stays quiet, giving me all his attention. I don't miss the way he swallows when I pause to take a deep breath. I gently stroke his cheek with my knuckles.  
  
"I'm revoking all other loyalties." I salute him with the ring clutched in the opposite hand. "I offer up my heart to you, Eren Yeager. I swear my life and loyalty to you and you alone."  
  
Taking his hand in both of mine, I start to slip the ring onto Eren's finger, stopping at the first knuckle, looking into his eyes for an answer.  
  
He swallows again; poor kid looks white as a ghost. I hope he doesn't puke.  
  
"Levi, is this… Are you…" He's too stunned to get the words out.  
  
"Marry me."  
  
Eren's jaw drops open slightly, and his eyes widen in disbelief. I've apparently rendered him speechless, the complete opposite of his natural state.  
  
All he manages to get out is a breathy "Yeah."  
  
I slide the ring onto his finger completely. I hope he doesn't notice my hand shaking.  
  
Eren immediately straightens himself onto his knees and salutes me in return. I don't know what to do now, so I yank his face to me with both hands and kiss him harder than I ever have before. I realize I've split his lip with my teeth from my roughness when I taste his blood in my mouth. I don't dislike it. I _really_ don't dislike when steam starts to billow from between our lips, creating an odd contrast of hot steam and the cold dampness of it evaporating on our skin. Some of the steam enters my mouth, and I inhale it greedily. There's no denying it now even if I wanted to, which I sure as hell don't: I'm kissing a fucking titan, and I'm harder than the platinum band I just put around his finger.  
  
Eren and I are so consumed with each other that everything up till now is a blur. Somehow we've managed to get our boots off. Our belts and harnesses are unbuckled, hanging loosely at our sides. My shirt is hanging open, and the sharp item that I've just painfully kneeled on turns out to be a button. Ah.  
  
We're up on our knees, kissing so frantically that our lips are now swollen and raw, and our faces are disgustingly covered in saliva. Eren is moaning into my mouth and rutting against my leg. I need more of him. I need to feel him, breathe him, swallow him, taste him, devour him completely so he'll be a part of me forever. Can't wait anymore. I grab him behind the thighs and wrap them around my waist, carrying him to the very edge of the wall. He squeaks when I pick him up so suddenly, and it's the cutest fucking thing.  
  
He looks at me with wide eyes, startled, when he realizes I've laid him down with his head over the edge of the wall. Does he think I'd let something happen to him after all that? Yeah, this is risky, but we're never going to get the chance to do something like this again. I rip down his pants, not wanting to waste another second. The thigh belts catch a little on the way down, and I hope I haven't bruised him, but if he's in any discomfort, he doesn't show it. Kid's had his arms cut off more than once. His pain tolerance is unreal. I grab him by the thighs again, pressing them forward and bend him nearly in half over himself. His head raised but still unsupported over the ledge, his hands braced flat against the stone beside him.  
  
"I've got you." He watches my eyes before relaxing. He makes an unimpressed-sounding comment that nearly makes me laugh again.  
  
"Levi, why am I looking at my own penis." It's not a question. Sounds more like a threat, actually.  
  
Sina, Rose, and Maria, I can _not_ believe I'm going to do this.  
  
I give him an answer in the form of my tongue dragging over his asshole. He shouts and wriggles so hard that I am temporarily afraid that he actually will fall off the wall, and I grip his thighs so tight that I am definitely bruising him this time. Still, I'm amused by his reaction and chuckle against his ass.  
  
"Levi, what the fuck?!"  
  
"Don't shit yourself, brat."  Why did I just say that.  "Do you want me to stop?"  
  
"….no."  
  
I continue lapping at him, contemplating this new sensation on my tongue. Eren has allowed his head to fall back over the edge of the wall. I notice that this is muffling his gorgeous noises, and I'm temporarily annoyed before I realize that these won't be the last moans I'm drawing out of him tonight. I can hear his heart pounding against his chest, hopefully from the rush of knowing that he's 50 meters in the air, hanging over a ledge and could fall to his death at any given moment. I would never let this happen, obviously, but the illusion of danger is still there. You never feel more alive than when you're staring death in the face.  
  
I give his skin a light, experimental suck. He seems to enjoy that, so I do it a few more times, a little harder now. I wonder if he could come from me doing this and then decide to have mercy on him as I remember his hunched forward position. I get another idea that seems like something he might like, and I hesitate for a moment before thinking fuck it, why not. I know why not. I'm going to do it anyway. I can't see his face so I concentrate on how good it must look right now, picturing it in my mind to distract me from the thought that I am now sticking my tongue in an anus. Just the very tip because it took a little more pressure than I anticipated.  
  
Eren's reaction is worth it.  
  
He shouts my name so loud that it carries across the silent stretch of grassland below us, echoing back against the dense wall of trees beyond. I hear some crows rustle the leaves in a nearby tree as they fly away cawing. I calculate the likelihood of the sound reaching the safe house behind us and imagine Eren's sleeping squadmates waking up to the sound of him screaming my name because my tongue is up his asshole.  
  
I have to stop when I start laughing because that mental image is just too much to handle. Armin possibly crying, arms around his knees as he rocks himself in wide-eyed shock. Steely-faced Mikasa gripping a dagger with white knuckles, ready to castrate me. Hanji bouncing with excitement at the idea of new types of experiments they could run on Eren. Jean, I can't decide what's funnier to picture with him. Either smugly declaring "pay up," holding his hand out to collect his winnings, or shouting out in distress, "for Sina's sake, Yeager! I don't need to hear this!" Sasha and Connie would still be sleeping like rocks with drool running down their faces. Gross.  
  
Eren lifts his head up and looks at me. I run a hand down my face trying to control my laughter.  
  
"Sorry. I just pictured you waking up the squad shouting my name." I move my hands to his hips trying to figure out how to drag him back from the edge without scraping his skin on the stone.  
  
It's his turn to cover his face with his hand before he reaches up to clasp his hands behind my neck, allowing me to wrap my arms around his back and pull him to fall backward with me on top of the animal skin.  
  
"You're still going to do it again. I'm never going to get tired of hearing that."  
  
Eren's kneeling over me, and I nearly choke at the view. Eren, towering over me, chest heaving, glistening skin spread taut over his strong, muscular body, cock standing at attention with the small pearl of clear pre-ejaculate gathered at the tip slowly rolling down along the hard flesh. The lantern had gone out unnoticed. The way the moonlight illuminates and shadows him in soft white light amplifies Eren's beauty and how his bared skin stands out against the blue-black darkness of the sky.  
  
Eren moves back a little to get at my fly and finally my pants come off. He leaves my ruined shirt. He then leans forward to flatten his tongue against my balls, dragging it torturously slow along my length before taking the head in his mouth. That's it; I am not waiting a second longer. I buck him off of me, using my thighs to topple him over. He knocks over the empty wine bottle when he tries to catch himself, and it rolls off the edge of our platform and shatters. I reach over and drag my pack toward me, instantly retrieving the bottle of oil that I made sure was within easy reach in the front pocket.  
  
"Turn your back to me. Kneel." I usually want to look at his face when we fuck, but tonight is a special occasion.  
  
I pour the oil into my palm, letting it spill over and pool between my fingers before I get on my knees behind Eren, pushing him forward to support himself with his hands, easing two of my fingers up his ass, turning them to coat his insides with oil.  
  
"Ngh… aahhhhhhhh…"  Eren's deep, throaty moan encourages me to hurry up before I waste this perfectly good erection across his back.  
  
I grab the bottle again and coat myself with an excessive amount before lining myself up, the swollen head of my cock gently inching into him as I press it against his asshole.  
  
He sighs and hums when I sink myself into him until his ass is against my hips. I lean forward to bring my arms around his chest and pull him off of his hands and against me. He's now fully upright, legs spread wide astride my knees, back firmly against my chest and secure in my arms.  
  
He turns his head to look at me with an adorably demure look considering we're fucking on top of Wall Maria, out in the open, over his demolished childhood home with his friends and squadmates sleeping in an abandoned armory below, titans probably standing dormant somewhere nearby. Eren doesn't seem to care where my mouth has been. We kiss, unhurriedly tasting each other, breathing in each other's scent, feeling the cool of the evening against our naked, vulnerable skin. I separate our mouths by lifting my hand to grip his chin, turning his face forward. He gasps.  
  
We fuck looking out over freedom. Over our future. And if we're unlucky tomorrow, we'll at least have had a hell of a last night together.  
  
From our perspective up on the wall, the world beyond looks so vast and so tiny at the same time. The trees nearest us look small and far away, the trees in the distance look more like mountains, their tops forming peaks and valleys, a black and shadowy horizon dividing the dark blue sky. I hope Eren's ocean is somewhere out there.  
  
The slick sounds of me slamming into Eren and the way he sighs and moans out my name, little 'aahs' and drawn out 'ohs' and 'mmms' on every forward thrust and brush of my fingers over his nipples are what pushes me toward the point of no return. Trying for as long as possible to hold off my imminent orgasm, I lower my hand to stroke his cock. Short, rapid strokes, thumb rubbing his frenulum, exactly how he likes it. I feel him throb in my hand and start to clench around me, and that's what finishes me. I cry out, groaning loudly into his ear, moaning in sync with the pulses of my cock as I fill him.  
  
Eren's body becomes rigid almost immediately after so I remain inside him, fist still moving around him, leaning in to lick the rivulets of salty sweat that leave glittering trails as they drip down his neck. He comes with another shout that echoes in front of us, and it sounds so good that waves of pleasure run through my body, causing me to gasp out Eren's name, throwing my head back and moaning at the overwhelming assault on my senses.  
  
When Eren hunches back over onto his hands and knees to catch his breath, I happen to glance down over his shoulder to see an impressive amount of semen splattered on the stone surface in front of him. I suppose that might be even better than carving "Eren + Levi" into the wall before we leave. Yes, much better. I don't get to make my own contribution as the bearskin catches mine when I pull out of him. Unfortunate.  
  
We dress before laying back down together on the coarse fur to recover. Eren rests his hand on my bare stomach, my shirt having been destroyed earlier, feeling it move with the rise and fall of my breaths. I look down to admire him, and my eye catches the moonlight reflecting off of the silvery-white metal that now adorns his finger. It's peaceful. I don't want this to end. Nature has other plans.  
  
"Oi, Eren, there's one more thing I want to do before we head back." He gets up to follow me to the opposite ledge of the wall, the one that overlooks the city.  
  
I open my fly and pull myself out before proceeding to take a much-needed piss over the edge.  
  
"Uh… Levi?"  
  
"What."  
  
"I, uh, don't think I can join you."  
  
I finish up, shaking myself off before tucking myself back in. I turn to Eren to ask him why, but as I look him over my eye is drawn to the bulge in his pants.  
  
"You have to be kidding me."  
  
"I can't help it!" He actually seems embarrassed.  
  
"Goddamn teenagers."  
  
Still, I smile to myself as we begin to pack up for the trip back into the city.  
  
I've always wanted to do that.

 

\---

 

Eren and I maneuver back down the wall and over the rooftops of the destroyed city until we reach tonight's temporary accommodations. Eren managed to claim the biggest, cleanest room for us and I could kiss him for that. In fact, I do. Before we go to bed on clean sheets and a soft mattress for what may be the very last time, we make room for one more goodbye tonight. The civilized thing I'm going to miss the most.  
  
A hot bath.  
  
"Levi…" Eren's damp, heavy head rests back against my shoulder.  
  
"Hm." I'm too tired and relaxed to acknowledge him with more than a hum, my head fallen back as well, though mine is against the bathtub which is considerably less soft than my shoulder.  
  
"You know we can't get married out there."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"Me neither."  
  
   
  
   
  
 


	8. Author's Note - Illustration

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren doubts himself as the pile of bodies left in his wake weighs even heavier on his conscience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couple things: Chapters are still alternating between past/present. Usually they're Levi narrating his own memories. This time I wanted to give Eren a chance to "speak" and fill in a little more background.
> 
>  
> 
> If you notice any typos or inaccuracies, I'd be really grateful if you'd point them out for me. Thank you again so much for commenting, reading, and leaving kudos. It's really encouraging! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

  
  
  
Erwin, Levi and Commander Pixis of the Garrison are gathered in the room that currently serves as Erwin's temporary office as he recovers from his injury. Although Erwin lost his arm in the chaos of the last battle, leaving the Survey Corps short one more skilled veteran, the stoic commander seems rather unaffected by it.  
  
"As a result of the titan occupation within Wall Rose, the citizens took refuge in the underground cities. As expected, the food supplies ran out after only a week and the refugees erupted into violence. It's all under control for the moment, though the situation is still delicate, as I'm sure you can understand." Pixis reaches for his flask as he speaks, grasping at air until he remembers that it's not there.  
  
Levi is lost in his own thoughts during Commander Pixis' report. He thinks of the devastating losses incurred during their last mission, accepting that the Survey Corps is on its last legs. He's reminded of humanity's weakness, completely at the mercy of hungry, mindless beasts, relying entirely on the walls as their only protection. Walls worshiped as gods, walls believed to be built by gods, walls that were once believed to be indestructible. Humanity doesn't stand a chance without Eren and he hates that the impossible burden of bearing all of humanity's hope has been forced upon his shoulders.  
  
He knows how stressed and doubtful Eren is, growing more depressed and guilty after every mission. Eren is currently en route to a hidden location with Historia Reiss. It's a risky move. They can't afford to be seen by anyone. The both of them, now known to be crucial elements to humanity's survival, are in immediate risk of capture and Levi can think of nothing besides getting the hell out of here and joining Eren at the safehouse. It's not until Hanji arrives with Connie Springer in tow that he starts to pay closer attention to the conversation.  
  
Hanji goes over the disturbing new information about the true nature of titans and Levi feels sick at the knowledge that he's been killing people this entire time. There was no way to know and it's not going to change the fact that he needs to kill titans to survive. He notes Erwin's creepy, glazed-over look, practically smiling at the revelation that titans were once human and it sends a shiver down his spine.  
  
Erwin eventually asks Hanji about the current location of Eren and Historia and Levi tightens his jaw, hoping the action goes unnoticed by the commander. He knows it won't; Erwin has always been able to see right through him. Hanji tells Erwin that Eren and Historia are being held in an undisclosed location and leaves it at that. Levi is silently grateful. Hanji and Connie are then dismissed and leave immediately for the safehouse.  
  
"Levi, where exactly are Eren and Historia right now?" Erwin is prying and Levi does not plan on revealing anything to him, especially after his increasingly strange behavior.  
  
"Like Hanji said, they're being hidden. I suppose you at least deserve to know that I've assembled a new special operations squad from the members of the 104th and they're currently guarding Eren. The fewer people who know, the lower the chances of them being located."  
  
"I see. If there's nothing else, you're free to join Squad Leader Hanji. Levi, stay safe."  
  
"I always do."

 

\---

 

Levi's swift departure and refusal to reveal the location of Eren and Historia further confirms Erwin's conclusion about the nature of Levi and Eren's relationship. He'd suspected that they were hiding something for quite some time now. It began almost immediately after gaining custody of Eren.  
  
He'd picked up on the way Levi watched him a little more closely than any of the other soldiers. Levi trusted Eren with his personal errands and gave him chores that required them to remain in close proximity. They could be seen daily out in the courtyard sparring or grappling, Eren receiving inordinate amounts of extra training from the busy Corporal. Eren always jumped at the chance to help Levi with anything asked of him, his desire to please the Corporal painfully obvious.  
  
When they were out on patrols or missions, Levi always made sure to stay by him, and if he couldn't remain at Eren's side, he made sure to assign another squad member to look after him. When he was injured, Levi had Eren ride double with him, allowing him to lean back against his chest, arms securing him as he held the reins, Eren's horse following riderless behind them. He oversaw Eren's medical treatment and recovery, and as soon as they returned from a mission, they promptly disappeared together. When Eren moved into Levi's room, Levi gave no explanation other than it being his job to monitor Eren at all times. It wasn't until Erwin accidentally stumbled upon a private moment between the two that his suspicions were officially confirmed.  
  
It was on a night when Erwin was returning to Survey Corps headquarters from a meeting with Commander Pixis. It was an especially beautiful night. The sky was cloudless, giving a perfect view of the stars. He was leading his horse through the small grassy area on the wooded outskirts of the castle, leaving the fatigued animal to graze before untacking it and returning it to the stables.  It was well into the small hours of the morning and no one except those assigned to guard duty should have been awake, so when he noticed the light coming from the stable door, he decided he should investigate.  
  
Erwin approached the stables silently, grassy earth padding his steps. When he cautiously peeked into the stable window, he found it to be empty, save for the sleeping horses and a single, lit lantern hanging near the tack room. Assuming it was left behind by whoever had cleaned the stables that evening, he began the walk back to retrieve his horse. It was then that he thought he heard voices nearby, more than one, though they were so quiet that he couldn't tell the exact number. Once again making sure not to alert the unidentified parties, he rounded the other side of the stable and that's when he saw them: Two figures sitting side by side in the soft grass of the grazing pasture.  
  
They sat with their heads leaned together, one figure's arm around the other's back. It was too dark to make out any details other than their silhouettes. They were still speaking so quietly that Erwin strained to pick up on the voices despite his closer proximity to them. Determining the situation to be a non-threat, he decided he should at least find out who was sneaking out of headquarters past curfew. As soon as he was close enough to recognize the voices, he froze. It was Eren and Levi.  
  
"… _think we'll ever be able_ …"  
  
"… _can… hope so, kid._ "  
  
Erwin was still too far from them to hear their conversation clearly, but when he saw the two figures lean their faces toward each other to kiss while one guided the other back to lay in the grass, he took that as his sign to leave.  
  
Erwin wondered just how far Levi would go to protect Eren. Levi more than proved his loyalty to the Survey Corps in his years of service to them, but now that Levi had allowed himself to become attached to Eren, he knew that it could become a weakness. Erwin had no plans to confront Levi about the private relationship, but he would be keeping a much closer eye on him now.

 

\---

 

The last thing I remember before blacking out was riding in a wagon, trying to get Mikasa and an unconscious, bleeding Commander Erwin back over the wall. I was trying so hard to stay awake for them but I was completely drained, in shock from everything that just happened.  
  
Mikasa and I almost got eaten by a titan, except it wasn't just any titan. It was the titan that ate my mom. Just like back then, Mr. Hannes came swooping in to save me and Mikasa, but this time he didn't make it. Mikasa thought we were really going to die this time and she tried to kiss me. Seeing her giving up instead of fighting scared me. Somehow I managed to use some sort of titan ability I didn't even know I had that controlled all the titans around us so we ended up making a safe getaway.  
  
On the way back to the city, I started really missing Levi. I was worried. Mikasa, strong, and, in my mind, nearly invincible, ended up seriously injured during the fight. Broken ribs, I think. I've never seen her like that and it made me hope that Levi was okay. They're the two strongest soldiers I know and sometimes I forget that they're not actually invincible.  
  
I couldn't stop thinking about what happened with Reiner and Bertholdt. We were such good friends and I really looked up to Reiner. We all did. They're the only ones who offered to help me practice with the 3DMG during training, even risking our asses by sneaking out of the barracks after curfew. I must be a pretty poor judge of character because they ended up mangling me before trying to kidnap me. And the best part of that? Turns out they're the ones who broke the walls, killed my mom, and basically turned my life into a living hell. I wanted to kill those motherfuckers right then and there. I mean, I tried, but not having arms makes that kinda difficult.  
  
So here I am, sitting in the wagon, trying not to pass out, hating myself for letting all this happen. I got myself captured again, and, like usual, everyone comes to rescue me and ends up getting killed because no matter how hard I try, I'm still so fucking useless. Mikasa's laying at my feet with broken bones, the Commander's missing his entire fucking arm, mine are still growing back "like a damned lizard or something," as Levi would say, and on top of all that, Jean has the nerve to start picking a fight with me.  
  
We got into it for a moment, but I really didn't have the energy to deal with his bullshit. Telling me how everyone died in vain saving me. Asshole. But then he said something that surprised me. He told me I had the choice to make their deaths worth something. As long as I keep trying and if I can somehow manage to seal Wall Maria, that will be my way to avenge them. I have to give everything I can as penance for all the death I've caused. I must have been really out of it because I ended up thanking Jean before I finally blacked out.  
  
I woke up in Levi's arms.  
  
The relief of having him near me and knowing he made it out alive was short-lived. As soon as I woke up, everything that happened came rushing back to me. I debated talking to Levi about it. I always tell him everything and he always takes care of me, but I could tell he was upset and I didn't want to make it harder on him with my pathetic crying. After a while of laying together in silence, I decided that I shouldn't hide my feelings from him. I always feel better after talking to him and he always understands me. I end up telling him about everything that happened. He's so strong. I wish I could be more like him. I know I have other people who care about me, but no one gets me like Levi does and I don't think I could ever trust someone as much as I trust him.  
  
We don't get to share much time together because as soon as Hanji finds out I'm awake, I'm rushed to some secret hideout out in the middle of nowhere with the rest of the 104th. Levi has to stay behind with Hanji to meet with Commander Erwin. I try to be mature and not pout about it, but I really don't want to be away from him right now and I'm pretty pissed that I have to go without him. Hanji assures me he'll be right behind us. I suck it up like a good soldier and get busy trying to occupy myself at the safehouse until he gets there.

 

\---

 

"Come _on_ , you guys! Corporal Levi is going to arrive any minute now and he's gonna be pissed if we don't finish cleaning up this mess!"  
  
I'm beyond frustrated right now. Why does Jean always have to be such a pain in the ass? All I'm asking him to do is help clean up a little since I've done the brunt of the work, but horse-face can't even wipe his boots off before he comes in and I have to keep cleaning up the mud he leaves all over the floor. I even had to make his fucking bed for him! I'm about to lose it. If he fucks up one more thing for me today, I'm going to tie him up and make him sleep in the stable where he belongs. Maybe I can even get him to shovel shit while he's out there. Yeah, right.  
  
"Jean! You've been doing nothing but screwing around and I just had to mop up the mud that YOU tracked in for the third time today! Do you think the Corporal's going to be happy when he comes in and sees what a mess this place is?"  
  
"God, Eren, you nag like my mother. What are you, Levi's little housewife?"  
  
Okay, that's it. I'm not dealing with this right now. I'll take care of everything myself, not like I don't always end up doing that anyway.  
  
"You know what? Go. Just go. If you're going to stand there doing nothing, at least get out of my way so I can take care of the mess. You can go outside and stand around with your thumb up your ass for all I care, just get out of my face before I turn into a titan and bite that stupid-looking haircut right off your head."  
  
"Oh, did I hit a nerve there, Yeager? O-ho, I did, didn't I? Whatever, though. Have fun. I'm outta here." As soon as he's out the door, I hear his loud mouth bitching at Sasha and Connie about potatoes. Ugh.  
  
I'm taking my frustration out on the floors, which I think I've scrubbed so hard that there's probably a hole under my scrub brush, when my mind starts wandering again. I feel a heaviness in my chest when I remember the first time I ever cleaned for Levi. I remember mucking out the stables with Auruo, Gunther and Erd. Auruo always thought he was too good for the job and decided he needed to supervise us instead, to "make sure you're doing it up to the Corporal's standards." Washing windows with Petra, who never failed to cheer me up with her sunny disposition, not to mention her very interesting gossip. I remember the time Levi walked in right as she got done calling him short. They're all dead now because of me.  
  
I hear Mikasa come in and set a pile of firewood down in the corner. I snap out of it, looking down at my pitiful brush, bristles bent and splayed, worn down to nothing in some parts. I sigh.  
  
"Mikasa, _pleeeeease_ don't make a mess with that. If I have to keep re-cleaning everything I'll never have this all done in time for when Levi gets here."  
  
"Why are you always trying so hard to please that shorty? It's not like we're under orders to clean. We're supposed to be hiding out. You'd be better off chopping more firewood than washing windows, or is it that you actually enjoy eating raw potatoes?"  
  
Armin walks in while I'm still trying to convince Mikasa not to make a mess. I know she'll do it for me, but she's still left a pile of dirt and splinters for me to clean up. I think I just saw a bug crawl out of the pile. One of those little ones that rolls itself up into a ball when you startle them. I think they're pretty funny to watch but I'll have to remember to bring it outside before Levi gets here.  
  
"Come on, Mikasa! You know how the Corporal is. He's gonna make us clean it anyway so we might as well do it before he gets a chance to be pissed about it. Besides, I'm pretty sure you don't want to have to sleep here with all the dust and cobwebs. And all the bugs that you just brought in."  
  
Armin notices the pile of firewood next to Mikasa. Great, here it comes.  
  
"Mikasa!! You can't be chopping firewood with broken ribs! Let someone else do that!"  
  
"I'm not going to sit around doing nothing. We need firewood. It's good exercise."  
  
"Mikasa!"  
  
"Go ahead and try to stop her, Armin. She was doing situps earlier. Unless you think you can beat her in a fight..." I quirk my brow up at Armin.  
  
Armin won't give up trying to talk Mikasa out of doing manual labor and I'm not in the mood to stay and listen to them bicker. I remember how Petra and Auruo used to argue like this. As annoying as it is to listen to Armin and Mikasa doing the same thing, I'm really grateful that I still get to hear it. I hope it never stops.  
  
"Do us all a favor and clean something while you're arguing. I'm going to make sure the Corporal's room is at least up to his standards."  With that, I grab my bucket and hide out in Levi's, no, _our_ room until he gets here.  
  
"Eren really spends a lot of time with the Corporal."  
  
Mikasa grits her teeth and grabs a broom from the corner just a bit too roughly.  
  
"You know he sleeps in the Corporal's room now, right?"  
  
Suddenly there's a bit more firewood to add to the pile.

 

\---

 

"Eren, I know you're in there, wake up! I think you've napped long enough, it's time to get up! Now! Corporal Levi is on his way in!"  
  
Armin startles me awake when he throws open the door and starts frantically shouting at me to wake up. I'm actually glad he cares about me enough to do that. Really, where would I be without him?  
  
"Hurry up, he's done tying up his horse!"  
  
I must have fallen asleep when I shut myself in our room to get away from all the noise earlier. I remember inspecting every centimeter, right down to sweeping the last speck of dust out of the very corner of the room. I'd already cleaned this room twice over as soon as we arrived. It was the first thing I did. Maybe the others are fine living in filth, but Levi isn't.  
  
Then I remember sitting on our bed to rest for a minute. My thoughts naturally drifted, first to the faces of all the people I'd never get to see again. How they died because they believed in me. How I should have saved them but instead they saved me. Just like it always is. My stomach was aching with guilt and regret, so I remember laying down on my side and curling up to ease the pain in my middle.  
  
Yeah, I must have been sleeping by then because the next thing I remember is standing alone on top of a mountain of rotting corpses. I looked down to see how high I was off the ground. The pile was huge. The ground was so far away, and it wasn't dirt or grass, it was blood. I looked at some of the bodies trying to see if I knew any of them. I did. Their cloudy, lifeless eyes were all looking up at me, wide and pleading. I scanned more of the faces and that's when I saw Armin and Mikasa. Bodies bent backwards and broken, looking up to me with their ribcages split wide open, empty caverns where their hearts should be.  
  
I covered my eyes to try to block it all out but the smell of blood wouldn't let me forget. My face felt warm and wet and I thought I might be crying, but when I drew my hands away, I saw that it wasn't tears, it was blood. Blood pouring from my palms, spilling down my arms, running like rivers down the pile of bodies. I followed the blood with my eyes as it flowed toward the ground. That's when I saw Levi. He was blood-drenched, standing in a pool of it up to his knees. It soaked his clothes, it dripped from his hair, it dried brown and thick on his hands and face.  
  
His hands... He was reaching out his hand to me. His palm was turned up. He wasn't trying to climb up. He was offering his hand to help me down. I reached for his hand, starting to slide down the mountain of corpses. I catch my foot in a tangle of intestines and I slip and fall headlong into the carnage, sending broken bones and skulls full of maggots rolling and tumbling down, the rotted body landslide reaching the bottom before me and falling into the blood with a sickening splash.  
  
I reached out in a panic and I was just about to make contact with Levi's hand when he closed his eyes. I looked up and saw Commander Erwin standing behind him, unsheathed blades in both hands. Levi fell to his knees as one hand pressed a bloodied blade across his throat. Erwin slowly raised his other arm behind his head, bending at the elbow, preparing to stab me in the chest. I flinched and closed my eyes. I heard a splat and felt blood splash against me. He didn't strike me. The blade he threw embedded itself into the ground beside my right hand. I could hear Armin's voice calling to me from somewhere in the distance.  
  
". _..Eren! ...ink... it's time... now... orporal Levi..._ "  
  
Shit! I can't believe I let myself fall asleep!

 

\---

 

Levi looks at his hands and rubs his fingers together, clearly displeased.  
  
"Disgusting. We'll talk about your half-assed cleaning later. Right now we need to focus on more pressing matters."  
  
I cover my eyes with my hand, rubbing my brow in frustration. I _knew_ he wasn't going to be happy about this. I'm sure he doesn't blame me for the mess since the entire squad had two whole days to work on it. He probably won't say anything about my clearly superior cleaning skills, but I won't deny how much I'd love to hear him praise me for it in front of everyone. Especially Jean. Bastard.  
  
Levi continues. "The situation in the cities is very unstable and it's pretty much our fault. No one is feeling particularly fond of the survey corps right now and it's best if we don't show our faces for a while. So we're going to stay here to keep Eren and Historia hidden while working out a plan for retaking Wall Maria."  
  
Armin raises his hand, asking for permission to speak. I remember how, way back when we were in school together, Armin always had the answer to every question the teachers asked. His hand was the first one in the air every time. That habit carried over into training, and he still does it now. Everything was so much easier back then. I wish none of this ever happened.  
  
"Levi, sir, I think we should explore the possibility that Eren may be able harden his titan body the way Annie and Reiner can. If Eren can harden into the same unbreakable material, we could use him to seal the hole in Wall Maria."  
  
Does Armin not remember that Annie is permanently sealed inside that stuff? He can't mean having me do the same thing. Although... Annie and Reiner were able to harden parts of their skin at will and then shed the covering. Maybe I won't get stuck like Annie. I've never thought of that. That might actually work.  
  
"Our main focus is sealing the hole in Wall Maria and if Eren can use this hardening ability to do it, we can accomplish our goal within a single day. Eren, can you do it?"  
  
"I've never done it before, but I never knew I could do it either. I'd have to try it out to see if I can control it." Can I do it? I have no idea. I don't want to tell Levi I can't do it.  
  
"We'll just have to find out then. Let's run some experiments with Hanji. We'll have to bring you to an even more remote place to make sure no one sees that flamboyant fireworks show you put on every time you transform. This sounds like our best shot. It's up to you, Eren."  
  
"I'll do it." I need to do it. I need to prove that all the deaths I've caused weren't in vain, that everyone gave their lives in valiant service to humanity. I need to repay my debts. I don't want anyone else to die for me. Because of me.  
  
"Good. Let's work on finding a good location and we'll head out there as soon as possible. Everyone's dismissed. I need to speak with Hanji and I strongly suggest making sure that this place is spotless by the time I get back."  
  
I cross my arms over my chest, looking quite smug. I'm going to clean, too, but as soon as Levi's out of the room I'm so going to rub it in everyone's faces.

 

\---

 

Levi passes Eren in the hallway of the small farmhouse, which _is_ now spotless. He says nothing to him as he grabs Eren by the strap of his chest harness and drags him in the direction the room they're sharing tonight.  
  
Coupling had become a ritual for the two whenever they returned from a mission. The joining of their bodies strengthened them and provided them comfort and reassurance, and there was no better way than that to confirm to each other that they were both still alive. No one ever questioned them on why they both seemed to disappear immediately after returning to headquarters, but Levi maintained no illusions about their relationship being a secret anymore. If anyone objected to it, they never mentioned it. It's not like anyone would be able to do anything to separate them, not even the commander. Levi would make absolutely sure of that.  
  
As they both hurriedly undress, tugging their boots off and throwing them across the room, not even bothering to hang their tangled harnesses, they share a few breathless words in between rushed, hungry kisses.  
  
"I missed you."  
  
"I missed you too. All I could think about the whole ride here was you... and everything I'm going to do to you tonight."  
  
Levi paused, pushing Eren back to arm's length, looking him in the eyes.  
  
"Hanji's going to experiment on you tomorrow. You know I don't want that, right? I hate that you're always being used as a lab rat."  
  
"I know, it's all right. I know we have to do it. It's the only way I can learn more about my abilities. I don't even know what kinds I have. It has to be done."  
  
Levi says nothing, instead pushing forward to tackle Eren onto the bed, latching his mouth onto Eren's neck, devouring every centimeter of skin he could reach before yanking Eren's shirt up over his head.  
  
"Mmm... Levi. Mmph, we can't... We can't, everyone's going to hear. Ah, _haaah_ , Levi, they're... They're right next door, they're going to hear us... _AH_!"  
  
Levi pauses only for a second, raising his head just enough to growl into Eren's ear.  
  
"Then we'll just have to be quiet, won't we."

 

\---

 

The farmhouse is small and only Hanji, Levi and Eren have the luxury of having a private room all to themselves. The rest of the 104th is sharing the floor of the farmhouse's unfurnished living room, and none of them are getting any sleep tonight.  
  
"Oh my god, make it stop!" Connie has his hands clamped over his ears and his eyes squeezed shut, trying to block out the noise. "I'm going to be scarred for life!"  
  
Sasha seems oblivious to it all, counting on her fingers and mentally listing off everything she's going to cook after she goes hunting tomorrow.  
  
"Mikasa, I... I think we should go outside. Mikasa, let's go outside." Armin is clutching to Mikasa's sleeve nervously, ears bright red, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.  
  
"I'll kill him. I'm going to break down that door and slit his throat. He's dead." Mikasa is ignoring Armin's pleas, steely grey eyes glinting with pure fury.  
  
Jean just laughs at everyone's obvious discomfort at the rhythmic knocking on the wall and occasional muffled cries coming from the Corporal's quarters. "I knew it! I fucking knew it!"  
  
A soft snore from the corner temporarily draws everyone's attention away from the source of their insomnia: Historia has actually managed to fall asleep.

 

\---

 

At dawn, the exhausted team makes the long trek into the woods to begin running experiments on Eren. Everyone is slouching in their saddles, sporadically yawning and quietly grumbling amongst each other as they stare daggers into the backs of the very refreshed looking duo riding side-by-side at the front of the formation. Hanji, having taken the rear position of the convoy, earns themselves a stern look from the others when they turn their heads in unison at the sound of the excitable scientist's giggling.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points for spotting the reference.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fledglings leave the nest.

 

Eren bolts straight up in bed in alarm, adrenaline igniting every nerve, tingling body preparing for a fight before his brain is even aware of its surroundings. Eren has always been a heavy sleeper, but ever since the day he witnessed the fall of Shiganshina he's had a primal, subliminal reaction to certain sounds. His past few years as a soldier have only exacerbated the unpleasant automatic responses, not only increasing their intensity, but their frequency as well. It's rare that they wake him from sleep, but when they do, the response itself makes Eren even more afraid. Not afraid of the sounds themselves, or the memories attached to them. No, it's a fear of accidentally transforming. If his unconscious mind is already telling him to fight, what's stopping him from biting his hand in his sleep?

Panting, heart pounding, with limbs like jelly and fists like solid stone, Eren stares ahead as his brain continues to wake. He still hears the sound that woke him and it snaps him into attention. The source of the noise is beside him. The deep thumps he heard in the back of his mind weren't approaching titans. They were Levi kicking the wall and rattling the mattress in its wooden frame.  Even more unsettling than the idea of titans is the way Levi is crying out. His words are unintelligible in a mouth slack with sleep, but the message they carry is still clear. He's afraid. Eren's never heard Levi make a noise like this; it's sheer, desperate terror. He never wants to hear it again. The knife he can't remember grabbing clatters to the floor, hands finding better purpose in comforting than killing.

 

\---

 

Levi charges forward, waiting for the precise moment to fire an anchor into the flesh of the enormous titan in front of him. He reacts on instinct, wires darting out to lift him from his saddle and send him swinging through the air. The rush and exhilaration of flying is nothing compared to the rush he gets from slicing through the neck of a titan. He craves, relishes in the reverberating thud their steaming bodies make as they collide with the unforgiving ground.  
  
  
He doesn't even wait to watch his first kill fall before he fires his grappling hooks again, sending himself hurtling towards another titan even larger than the first. He moves with fluid grace as the wires swing him around the hulking beast and it's almost as if he's dancing with the titan, twirling in an aerial waltz to an orchestra of battle cries and whinnying horses.  
  
  
Levi effortlessly fells an entire herd of titans on his own in a blur of green and white, flying with a speed that leaves his heart pounding and his stomach trying to exit his body through his throat. With just as much grace as he exhibits in his killing, he returns his feet to the ground like a bird on a branch, landing so softly and precisely that there's not even a jostle in his bones when he alights upon the surface. Titan blood evaporates without a trace, so perhaps it's just for show when he removes a handkerchief from his jacket and wipes the length of his blade until it gleams.  
  
  
With no more titans in sight, he walks unhurriedly back to his horse, vaulting his small yet heavily muscled frame back over the saddle. The battlefield is empty now, at least of the living. He sees the incomplete bodies of former soldiers littering the ground, limbs and torsos permanently at rest in pools of blood that will never evaporate. He rides across the unending stretch of dead brown grass in silence, though he soon realizes that it continues on into infinity, never bringing him closer to home.  
  
  
A sizzling bolt of yellow lightning divides the sky in half, connecting heaven and earth with a deafening roar, casting the world in eerie green light for only a split second. It's as if the lightning truly had cracked heaven, sky pouring out sheets of cold, hard rain that sting and prick his face as they assault him mercilessly. He kicks his horse into a full gallop, determined to reach that point on the horizon where heaven joined earth.  
  
  
A figure appears in the distance and he urges his horse to its very limits. It startles. Slips. Takes Levi with it as it digs a trench into the wet ground when it falls to its side, still traveling forward. It rights itself without its rider, turning tail and charging back toward home. Home?  
  
  
He lifts his sopping, filthy body out of the mud, brushing himself off in vain. He's soaked through, freezing, no part of him unsoiled. He gives up on trying to clean himself and sets his sights on the figure on the horizon. He jumps back; it's closer than he thought it was and it's familiar.  
  
  
Before him stands the Commander, broad-shouldered and golden-haired, blades resting in strong hands at his sides. Has anyone else survived? Is the Commander the last man standing after all that effort? He looks right and something at his foot steals his attention. A head. A human head. A head with matted red hair tied in pigtails. A head with dull green eyes that used to shine with love for him. Isabel.  
  
  
How could this have happened? How could he have let this happen? Why? He looks up with desperation in his eyes, silently asking the same of the stoic figure casting a long shadow over him. The Commander remains still and statuesque, thick thighs like mighty oaks rooted in the earth below his feet, no answers to be found in his cold and stony gaze.  
  
  
Isabel. Why, Isabel? Levi turns back to what's left of her, kneeling to touch her cheek and see her face one last time. He reaches out a shaky hand, closing his eyes to gather the strength to say goodbye. His knuckles meet cold skin. Grey eyes dart open to meet green, and they're so similar that he almost doesn't notice the messy brown hair and thick dark brows that frame them.  
  
He turns to the side and vomits.  
  
  
The shadow cast by the tower of a man in front of him swallows Levi in darkness. Even if he wanted to look into his lover's lifeless eyes again, the blackness around him makes it impossible. Finally, the Commander moves. He can't comprehend what just happened because the Commander wasn't this close to him last time he blinked. And he wasn't prying open Levi's clutched fist, either. He wasn't plucking a small piece of silver out of his palm and he wasn't tossing it aside onto the muddy, blood-soaked ground.  
  
All he was doing now was wrapping Levi's frigid, shaking, bloody fingers around the handle of a blade.

 

\---

 

"Levi! Wake up! LEVI!"  
  
Levi's eyes spring open, waking instantly to the startlingly loud sounds around him. One of them is a familiar voice shouting his name, but he can't quite recognize the other, closer sound.  
  
A pair of large green eyes are all he can see when he regains his vision. They're opened wide in fear and Levi once again gets the urge to vomit. The beautiful wide eyes widen even more as he feels his body being pushed away, stomach lurching as he's held steady by gentle hands over the edge of a bed, retching painfully onto the floor.

A sick splatter; a puddle of wet, glistening red.

He's pulled back to seek green again. Now those verdant eyes are bright and moving, the head that houses them attached to a warm body with a face that tickles his own with warm breath, except in the place where it's covered with a warm hand, with warm fingers stroking, with a solid stripe of metal warmed by the blood still thrumming in unbroken veins.  
  
"Hey. I'm here. You're okay, I'm right here."  
  
Though his vision is blurred, Levi's never seen anything so clearly. It is clear and certain and irrefutable; his weary eyes have never beheld a sight as true and beautiful as the look of relief and affection in those emerald green eyes. Eren. His Eren, his beloved, his cornerstone, warm and safe, kissing his cheek with soft lips upon the spot beneath his eye where a strange, warm raindrop must have fallen.

 

\---

 

The rest of the night is uneventful. Levi's accustomed to operating on little to no sleep, so even with last night's interruptions it was still more sleep than he usually gets. He wakes before Eren does, noticing that the floor is as spotlessly clean as it was when he went to bed.  
  
He rises, stretching, stepping into the bathroom to brush the bitter, acrid taste of bile and stale wine out of his mouth before returning to sit at the small table at the opposite end of the room. The table faces the bed and Levi has a perfect view of Eren's sleeping face. He wants to laugh at what an amusing sight Eren is providing him with right now but holds it in because doesn't want to wake him, knowing how much he likes sleeping in.  
  
One of Eren's arms is sticking straight out over the edge of the bed, fingers occasionally twitching, his adorable face half smashed against it, mouth open causing him to drool all over himself, hair sticking straight up on the side of his head not leaned against his arm. Eren's other arm is curled up against his body, fist resting beneath his chin. His torso is resting on its side but his hips are flopped over, knee sticking out over the edge just like his arm. The covers are tangled around him and Levi can't figure out how that happened in the ten minutes since he left the bed.  
  
He has to be sure that everything is in order for today's mission before the rest of the squad wakes up, so he forces himself to look away and grab a stack of papers out of his bag. He smooths two out side by side on the table, looking between the two before making some marks with his pen. The paperwork takes him very little time; he continues in the same way until he reaches the bottom of the stack, finishing it all in mere minutes.  
  
Returning the papers to his bag, he gathers the ones packed with his and Eren's belongings next.  He sits on the floor, bags spread around him, a small smile curving his lips when he thinks of how he's only sitting on it because Eren made sure it was spotless just for him. He goes through each bag, counting and inspecting, thoroughly and methodically double- and triple-checking that every item is accounted for.  When he's finally certain that everything is ready to go, he makes his way into the room's private bathroom (also courtesy of Eren's thoughtfulness) to begin heating water for one more hot bath.  
  
He sits at the edge of the bed, fitting perfectly into the curve of Eren's sleeping body, an arm to one side, a knee to the other. There's still plenty of time before the others wake. He's going to make good use of that extra time by thanking Eren for his thoughtfulness.  
  
"Eren." Leaning over to whisper Eren's name into his ear is just too tempting for him. He can't resist kissing him awake instead, drool be damned.  
  
Eren wakes up smiling and Levi's heart swells with so much emotion that he's afraid it will explode right out of his chest and kill him.  
  
"There's a hot bath waiting for us. Let's go."  
  
Eren makes no move to get out of bed, perhaps because he's still tangled in twisted sheets. Levi grows impatient, the idea of hot water and Eren far too appealing to wait a second longer, so he just scoops Eren up, tossing him over his shoulder, sheets and all. Eren starts laughing as a result of Levi carrying him like a sack of potatoes into the bathroom, and as Levi kicks the door shut behind him, the sound of something large being dropped into a tub of water can be heard.

 

\---

 

"Springer. Braus. Kirstein. Arlert. Ackerman. Yeager." Levi is handing out papers to the squad members sitting at the kitchen table with him. "These are your maps."  
  
Levi runs through the details with the team one more time, even though they've been over it several times already.  
  
"I shouldn't need to remind you to avoid any possibility of contact with titans. This is a smaller formation than an expedition, so hopefully it won't attract much attention. We'll be traveling over open field for a few kilometers before reaching the wooded areas where we can switch to 3D maneuvering if we need to engage. Any questions?" Heads shake in the negative. Everyone already knows the drill.  
  
"All right then, go ahead and get ready to leave, we'll be riding out shortly. Kirstein, I need to see you in my quarters."  
  
Eren tries to hide the amusement on his face when Jean swallows in nervousness, trying to figure out what he's done to make the Corporal need to see him in private. Eren looks over his shoulder to fix Levi with a warm look, green eyes soft and smiling, before heading out to ready the horses with the rest of the squad.

 

\---

 

Jean stands anxiously at attention in Levi's quarters, not even moving away from the door, which he seems to be pressing himself into as if he could pass through it to escape whatever unpleasant punishment is sure to be inflicted on him. He's mentally reviewing everything he's done in the past few days that would earn him a reprimand from the intimidating Lance Corporal.  
  
Levi has his back to Jean, kneeling in front of a storage chest. Slowly, he pulls out a dark brown leather bag, seemingly enjoying prolonging the suspense. He likes Jean, but he _is_ still the one always giving Eren a hard time. He can handle a friendly little taste of his own medicine, right?  
  
Levi turns to Jean, holding the bag. "At ease, Kirstein."  
  
Jean exhales loudly and relaxes his tense posture. "What did you need to see me about, sir?"  
  
Levi looks down to the mysterious item before approaching Jean, reverently extending the bag out with both hands for Jean to take from him.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
Levi nods to the bag, indicating to Jean that it's okay to look inside. Jean begins to lift the flap but freezes at what Levi says next.  
  
"This belonged to Marco."

He might have stolen it, but what good can it do sitting in Erwin's office collecting dust?  The evidence recovered after the incident with the female titan had long since fulfilled its purpose.  
  
Wide-eyed, Jean resumes opening the bag in a hurry, dropping it empty to the floor when he pulls out what was inside: Marco's 3D Maneuver Gear. His jaw drops as he looks back and forth from the item in his hand to the man standing in front of him. He swallows thickly, determined not to cry in front of the Corporal. He's temporarily rendered speechless at the completely unexpected gesture from the ever-emotionless man.  
  
Levi simply salutes him and Jean straightens to return the motion with the most sincere salute he's ever raised. Levi nods again and Jean maintains eye contact in a form of silent gratitude before bending to retrieve the bag from the floor and turning to exit the room.

 

\---

 

Eren's horse stands at the ready while he reaches up, testing every strap, making sure everything is secure and the saddlebags are evenly balanced. The horse remains calm and it's Eren that's spooked when Mikasa is suddenly beside him, grabbing him by the arm to turn him to face her.  
  
"Holy shit, Mikasa! Warn me next time!" He slaps his hand over his chest, hunching forward in relief. He can see Armin walking up to join them. "Hey Armin!"  
  
Mikasa's grip on Eren's wrist is like a vice when she twists his arm to force his hand up in front of her. Just because his bones heal fast isn't a reason to break them.  
  
"Where did you get this." Her eyes are narrowed on the ring that wasn't on Eren's finger the day before. Eren was too excited about it to even consider the fact that other people would notice it. That Mikasa would notice it. Too late now.  
  
Armin's lips are pressed together in an effort to stay quiet while he watches Mikasa staring Eren down next to him.  
  
"Mikasa, I..." Eren speaks softly to her. He knows she knows. She always knows. He knows how she feels about him. He knows how she feels about Levi. He doesn't feel guilty or ashamed, but he does feel bad about upsetting Mikasa.  
  
Mikasa throws Eren's hand down when she releases her bone-crushing grip and storms off into the stone building.  
  
"Mikasa, wait!" She ignores him. He exhales loudly in such a way that you might have heard a curse released with it if you listened closely. Defeated, he slides down the post where his horse is hitched, sitting on the dusty ground and running his fingers through his hair. He only remembers that Armin's been there the whole time when the small blond boy sits down next to him.  
  
"She'll be okay."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"She will. She can't stay in denial forever. It's unhealthy."  
  
"Denial... What? I never... Did she... I... How do you know? Has she said any... Wait, what are we even talking about?"  
  
"Corporal Levi. It's been pretty obvious for a while now how much he dotes on you, and with the way he looks at you... I could tell that you were serious about each other. Plus, you two weren't always as discreet as you thought you were, I mean, just this morning we all-"  
  
"Oh my god, Armin, no, don't tell me that. Please tell me you're not serious." Eren hangs his head, hiding his face in his hands.  
  
"So... then... does that mean what I think it does?" Armin nudges Eren's shoulder with his own to get Eren's attention so he can see him nod in the direction of the ring.  
  
".... Yeah."  
  
"Congratulations."  
  
"Thanks, Armin." Eren grabs Armin's hand and squeezes it, and they lean their heads together, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder just like they did when they were kids, when they still had homes and families and dreams instead of nightmares.  
  
"I'm happy for you, Eren."  
  
"I'm happy too. And... Armin?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Thanks, um... Thanks for everything."  
  
Armin smiles at Eren, such a warm, genuine smile that he needs to look away before his heart breaks.

 

\---

 

The door to Levi and Eren's room slams open with such force that it creates a gust of air that ruffles Levi's hair. He finds himself graced with yet another visitor this morning.  
  
He finishes buckling his underarm harness before turning to acknowledge his guest. He doesn't even need to turn around to know who it is. He's been expecting this visit for a while now.  
  
Mikasa is staring him down. She looks like a black cat ready to pounce on its prey, all sinewy muscle and sharp eyes. He grows more and more fond of Mikasa Ackerman every day and often thinks about what a great officer she'd make. A Lance Corporal, or even a Commander.  
  
Levi stands firm and matches her in intensity. The difference is that Levi's glare holds no anger or threat, it's not a glare intended to intimidate. It's a glare that says Levi is serious and won't back down from a challenge. Neither of them make a move. He's always tried to earn her respect, not as her superior officer, but as a soldier, and more importantly, as someone who will do anything it takes to protect Eren. It's almost eerie how much the two of them have in common.  
  
Levi makes his move first.  
  
"I love him."  
  
Mikasa barely blinks, neither backing down or breaking eye contact. Levi knows that's not enough for Mikasa. It wouldn't be enough for him, either.  
  
"I will die for him."  
  
At this, Mikasa finally relaxes. She doesn't look any happier, but her hands are no longer fists and the icy glare in her cold eyes has warmed, if only by a few degrees. Levi approaches her.  
  
"Mikasa. Thank you."  
  
To Levi's relief, she offers a curt nod before briefly saluting him, the ends of her red scarf flapping as she storms out as forcefully as she arrived.  
  
It's true. No one will make a better Corporal than her.

 

\---

 

The sun begins to creep slowly overhead in the cloud-streaked sky. Everyone has taken a little extra time to get ready today, taking advantage of being able to eat and bathe inside a solid building, filling each canteen with water that they know for certain is clean. Shiganshina hasn't been abandoned very long, and despite the massive damage sustained by the rural town after the appearance of titans five years ago, the majority of the buildings are still in perfect condition. The wells are clean, the houses still have belongings left behind by their previous owners, and, to everyone's great delight, many of the overgrown gardens were heavy with untouched harvests. Colorful peppers, small, bright red tomatoes, bushes with different types of black and red berries, and trees with under-ripe apples. The supply wagon departed the titan-occupied city considerably heavier that day.  
  
Titan activity in Shiganshina and its immediate vicinity is almost nonexistent. On the ride through Trost and into Wall Maria, everyone noted that besides the crowds of titans gathered close to certain points on Wall Rose, no doubt attracted to the populated cities within, titans were few and far between. They weren't absent, but they were easily avoidable. Everyone hoped that their luck would hold out and they wouldn't have to fight any titans at all during this mission.  
  
Well, maybe except for Reiner and Bertholdt, assuming that their information isn't leading them on a wild goose chase.  
  
The squad is gathered in the courtyard ready to deploy, waiting only to receive the official command from the Corporal. Mikasa stands beside her horse, adjusting the bridle as Eren repentantly approaches her.  
  
"Hey Mikasa."  
  
Mikasa doesn't turn around though she's clearly heard him. She lowers her hand from her horse to pull the front of her red scarf up over her nose.  
  
"Mikasa..." Eren sighs, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her entire body around to face him, hunching over to bring them to the same height. "Hey."  
  
Her eyes narrow but she makes no effort to release herself from Eren's gentle grip. Once Eren gets her to stop avoiding eye contact with him, he suddenly forgets what it was he wanted to say, so he does the next best thing: He pulls her in for a tight hug.  
  
Mikasa is the one to apologize first. It's a silent apology, but Eren and Mikasa have been together for so long that they don't need to speak to communicate. Mikasa has never hesitated to voice an opinion, but when it comes to apologies she becomes uncharacteristically sheepish. But, when she nuzzles her face against him and lifts her hand to cradle the back of his head in a familiar way, Eren doesn't need to ask what it means.  
  
He pushes her back by her shoulders to look into her eyes again. His fingers toy with her scarf, straightening and adjusting it so it sits evenly around her neck with the tails straight and the folds symmetrical. "Hey... I'm... I'm sorry. For keeping it from you. It was just kind of... private, not because I didn't think you'd appr-"  
  
"I _don't_ approve."  
  
Eren looks shocked by Mikasa's interruption of his apology. He opens his mouth to reply, but she interrupts him again.  
  
"Is he hurting you?"  
  
"Mikasa, no! That was one time, and you know he only did it to-"  
  
"Do you love him?"  
  
"-wha...? Yeah. Yeah, I do. More than anything." He realizes his mistake and scrambles to correct it before his Corporal ends up with fewer body parts.  
  
"You're not being replaced, Mikasa. I could never replace you or Armin. Wouldn't ever want to. You've been there with me for everything, you're even closer than friends to me. And... I love you. Really." Mikasa doesn't say anything and Eren finds himself starting to feel a little sheepish as well after that emotional speech to his fiercely protective adopted sister.  
  
"Okay." It's only a whisper, but Mikasa's gentle answer soothes Eren's anxiety instantly. He notices her throw a threatening look over his shoulder before she hooks her foot in the stirrup and lifts herself onto her horse.  
  
He hears Levi come up behind him and ask if everything is alright.  
  
Eren nods, and seeing no further point in secrecy anymore, lifts his Corporal's face to his for a kiss. Somewhere off to the side Connie is making a gagging noise, which stops abruptly with a yelp and a shout of "Hey! What the hell was that for, Sasha?" and Eren can't resist smiling against Levi's lips.  
  
Levi and Eren stand side-by-side at the head of the small formation. In the second it takes for them to snap their reins, they've crossed the threshold of Wall Maria, closing the door on humanity for good.

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren can't get hard with everyone watching.

 

  
We arrive at a secluded location in the mountains where we'll have a lower chance of being spotted by the Central Military Police who have been pursuing us relentlessly. I'm not looking forward to having to see Eren go through the stress of transforming so many times but it has to be done. If he can repair Wall Maria and we can reclaim Wall Rose, we'll hopefully eliminate the threat from the MP and the hostility towards the Survey Corps from civilians, and then maybe we can relax for a while and return our focus to figuring out how to defeat the titans and save humanity.

All I want is peace for Eren. I wish I could protect him from all the death and destruction he has to be a part of. I never blame him, and neither do his friends. Kirstein is a different story, though something tells me he's just lashing out because of his own emotional turmoil. Still, Eren blames himself for everything. He sees every death and every failed objective as a direct result of his own failure. No matter how many times I tell him that he has the power to bring about change and victory and that he truly is humanity's hope, _my_ hope, he never actually believes it. I am absolutely dedicated to doing everything I can to ease his burden and pain, but I can only comfort him so much. I'm weary and broken too and if I knew how to fix everything neither of us would be suffering. The situation is grim no matter how you look at it. It's much less painful to face the truth and accept it than it is to give each other false hope, no matter how tempting it is to feign ignorance.

I wonder what the outcome of all this is going to be, anyway. Will all of Eren's heartbreak be worth it in the end? Will he ever recover from the trauma of the horrors he's seen? Or will everything be for nothing, will Eren die before anything can be accomplished? Eren and I will probably never get to see the world together, or grow old together, or experience any kind of peace at all. I keep thinking that I should just steal him away from all this, escape to some far-off place where I can hide him from the nightmare of this doomed, fucked up world. I wonder if that would make him happy.

  
\---

 

We all sit down for a quick meeting to discuss the plan for today's experiments. The ultimate goal is to determine whether or not Eren can harden his body like the other titan shifters. Hanji wants to run him through a few preliminary tests first, mostly to see if Eren has improved his ability to control his titan form and also to see if he can complete some simple tasks while he's a titan. He has shown high levels of comprehension in his titan form and he's even learned to pick me up without crushing or eating me and Hanji thinks his skills can be improved even more than that.

"Eren, I'm going to run you through a few dexterity and intelligence tests first and then we'll move on to trying to harden your body."

I cover my mouth with my hand and pretend to cough to disguise my snickering and the amusement that invited itself onto my face. I prop my elbows up on the table and fold my hands in front of my face just in case. I can't resist teasing him a little.

"Eren, if you can manage to get hard, then you can plug the hole... in Wall Maria." My years of practice at maintaining a perfectly emotionless voice and straight face are coming in handy right now.  "Although even if you can get hard, you might be too small for the hole."

Eren looks at me and raises an eyebrow, pointedly choosing to ignore my comments before turning back to Hanji.

"I'm ready to try as long as the Corporal is there. I want him to watch me harden."

A huff of air escapes my nostrils when Eren sticks his tongue out at me, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair with a smug look on his face. Brat.

Now Hanji is raising their brow, shooting a devious grin at the two of us, very clearly amused but too eager to start experimenting on Eren to permit further interruption.

"Okay, we'll save the innuendos for later. I have a few good ones you'll love. Later, though. Experiments first! Ah! Let's get started."

  
\---

Hanji wastes no time putting Eren to work. The minute we're all settled in at the test site, I'm looking down at Eren waiting for his signal to transform. The first tests should be simple, no gory regeneration or pain tolerance experiments this time. At least Eren seems enthusiastic about intelligence tests. I think all the practice makes him worry less about losing control in his titan form.

Hanji scribbles a few notes onto a notepad, lowers their glasses, then turns to me and nods for me to give the signal.

"Eren, whenever you're ready, go ahead."

  
  
\---

 

Things go smoothly at first. I'm proud of how well Eren can control his titan now. He has no trouble at all obeying verbal commands and Hanji takes advantage of this. Have you ever seen a titan dance a jig? Yeah, neither had I, but now that I have it can never be unseen. I'm a little annoyed with Hanji for making Eren do tricks like a dog, but... As long as it doesn't hurt him, I guess I'm okay with lightening the mood a little. I wonder if Eren is having fun. Can titans have fun?

Eren is assigned a few more tasks, gradually increasing in difficulty. Hanji tries to get him to speak, but he can only seem to make funny growling noises... A little like a dog, actually. They conclude that Eren's titan mouth must not be shaped in a way that allows it to produce intelligible speech. Hanji does get him to communicate through writing and they practically explode with excitement at that. I thought Hanji was loud then, but when they saw that the word Eren had written in the soil with a branch was "LEVI," the screech they let out had my ears ringing for an hour afterward.

I'm really impressed when Eren builds the framework of a house from a pile of lumber in under half an hour. I have to restrain myself from elbowing Hanji in the ribs and shouting. I do allow myself a small smile that Hanji picks up on right away. I can't help it, I'm so fucking proud of this kid, not to mention head-over-goddamn-heels in love with him.

After about an hour of successful tests, things start to go south. Hanji gives him the go-ahead to try hardening and after a long delay, his demeanor changes. I can always tell when Eren's about to lose it and I'm immediately at the ready to cut him out of his titan if he needs it. Titans can actually be expressive if you look hard enough, or maybe it's just that it's Eren inside there that I'm able to read him, and right now he looks distressed.

He scratches his head, a very human-like gesture of confusion and frustration.  He reaches for his branch and starts writing. I feel some little pangs of sympathy for him when I see what he's written in the dirt this time.  
  
"I DONT KNOW HOW TO HARDEN"

I'm ready to call off the experiment right when he starts to write again. It's much sloppier this time and now I know he's losing awareness. My blades are in hand, but I wait for him to finish writing before I go down there to get him out.

All I can make out is "FATHER." Everything else just looks like gibberish to me, and not even Hanji can decipher it. All of Squad Levi has been observing this without interfering, awe plastered all over their faces. Have they ever seen Eren do this before? I don't even think Armin and Mikasa have seen him do anything other than fight while in titan form.

Then Eren starts to struggle. He looks extremely upset. He's making unusual cries, pulling at his hair, contorting his giant body in very odd ways.

"That's it, call it off! This experiment is over!"

I should have known that Mikasa would be at my side, shouting my own thoughts at me.

"Mikasa, stand down."

We both see Eren exiting his titan's nape, ripping himself away from the steaming flesh. Mikasa is already with him, completely disobeying my orders. Sometimes I think she _can_ read my mind. I'm pissed that I'm not the first one Eren sees upon emerging, but I'm by his side seconds later, scooping his dangerously hot body up into my arms and carrying him into the shade to rest.

I allow Mikasa to tend to Eren though I don't intend to surrender my position at his side. She's wetting a cloth with water from her canteen, cooling Eren's sweating neck and forehead while I'm lifting my own canteen to his lips. We must be quite a sight, smothering Eren like overprotective parents of an only child. Well, at least one of us gets to experience that. I'm thankful for Mikasa's loyalty to Eren, knowing that she'll be there to watch over him if something happens to me. Doesn't mean I don't notice the competitive air about her when she's like this.  She can fight and care for Eren all she wants, but she has an unpleasant surprise coming to her if she thinks she's going to be able to steal his heart from me. It's obvious that she harbors some type of romantic feelings for him, but Eren's told me that he loves her like a sister. I'm not worried about it.

I sit behind Eren, easing him to rest between my legs on top of my cloak that I've spread on the ground for him so I can rub his shoulders for a while. I'm becoming more lax about displaying affection in public. It doesn't matter anymore, not when we're barely even military at this point, in the company of people we've grown to consider friends, all of us likely to die between a titan's jaws at any given time. I don't miss Mikasa's threatening glare. I have no desire to return the challenge. I want Eren to know that we're all on his side and he's not doing this alone. I'm still in charge here whether I see myself as a Corporal or not and I won't allow fighting in my ranks.

Eren's muscles are tight. The stress of being observed, the anxiety of performing for a crowd, wanting to live up to everyone's expectations, and his own desire for success expressing itself physically instead of verbally. I'm relieved when I feel the tension recede under my hands, but I'm not sure if he's up for any more transformations today after how the last one ended.

"How are you holding up? Need to call it a day?"

"No, I'm ready. Hanji, what am I doing next? Where do you want me to stand this time?"

  
  
\---

  
Things went very wrong during his second transformation.

I knew immediately that something was off as soon as Eren's titan materialized. It was noticeably smaller than his normal 15 meter body and he didn't seem at all lucid. My worries were solidified when he started trying to eat whatever he could reach. He wasn't obeying any commands, not even mine. He ate the house that he built earlier and then went on a rampage, roaring and stomping around aimlessly before finally tiring himself out and dropping to the ground. I was on his shoulders cutting him out in an instant, Mikasa, predictably, right beside me.

This time the rest of the squad came to observe the removal process and everyone became worried when Hanji and I noticed that Eren didn't seem... _right_. He was extra hot this time, and there was more resistance than usual when I separated him from the titan muscle.  That's when we noticed that some of the blood wasn't evaporating. And that Eren's human body was fusing to the titan's body, and that parts of his own flesh were torn off from removing him. It's typical for him to lose a little of the delicate skin on his face after long transformations, but nothing like this has happened before.

He's still conscious, though, and insists on taking a break and going again. Everything within me is screaming no, don't let him, call off the experiments, but it's his choice. I'll just make sure to be there to get him out of trouble. Just like I'm making sure to keep him comfortable while he recovers. Mikasa watches us like a hawk.

Eren tells me he's ready for another try and I still don't feel okay about it. I don't object out loud. This is Eren we're talking about. If he decides he's going to do something, there's no way anyone can force him to submit.

  
\---

  
I should have stopped him.

The third transformation was a disaster. I rushed over to cut him out as soon as he transformed.

His titan was even smaller than the previous one, barely eight meters, and its body was incomplete. It was immobile, unable to do anything besides lay face down on the ground. Eren wasn't even inside the titan this time, his entire ass hanging out from where the nape of its neck should be, human body connected to the titan body only by his neck and shoulders. That scared me.

I knew something had gone _extremely_ wrong this time when Hanji and I couldn't ease Eren away from the titan flesh. He was completely fused with it. We couldn't tell where titan ended and Eren began. I knew it wouldn't do me any good to panic, but I couldn't stop my heart from racing and my mind instantly fearing that this might be permanent. In spite of my internal anxiety, I remained calm and focused.

It wasn't permanent. We got him out. Unconscious.

Without his face.

\---

I was gone with Eren before anyone could try to stop me.

His face... his face was completely gone. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle looking at the white bone of his exposed skull, empty eye sockets staring back at me, breath rattling and hissing from a damaged throat. I should have stopped the experiments. I let this happen to him. I watched this happen! I promised to always protect him and I failed!

I rocked him gently while his body regenerated, making soft sounds that I'm not completely sure which one of us they were meant to soothe. There was steam rising from him, reddening and burning my skin more and more the longer I held him, but I wasn't letting him go for anything. The pain soothed me; it was a welcome punishment for my failure.

The squad found me like this and I'm glad my back was to them because this scene was not something meant for their eyes. I think they sensed it because only Mikasa fearlessly dared to enter the room. This time there was threat in my voice, quiet, low and dangerous, disguising my distress with venom in my single word.

"Hanji."

Hanji arrived soon after, alone.

\---

 

Eren slept for an entire day. This time I permitted Hanji to remain with us after they agreed to only bother Eren to administer medical treatment or assess his condition. No others were allowed entrance and I think they were still too timid from last time to try to approach again. I never left him the entire time he was out, not even for a piss. I maintained my vigil while the rest slept, examining him, monitoring him for the slightest sign of distress or discomfort or returning consciousness.

Once again Eren finds himself in my arms when he wakes. He looks crestfallen.

"I lost control again."

I nod, smoothing his hair back, pressing my lips to the brand new skin of his forehead. His temperature is normal again.

He doesn't remember anything. Hanji recounts the events of the previous day and I get up for the first time since then and eventually return with a pitcher of water for him. The squad downstairs must have heard our voices and concluded that Eren was finally awake because they're soon pulling up chairs around his bed and listening to the rest of Hanji's report.

I'm extremely irritated by this even though I know I can't keep Eren all to myself. I'm just stressed and exhausted and hungry and the idea of Eren being gawked at like a freakish science experiment when he's very clearly upset is putting me even more on edge.

"So... I couldn't harden after all. I can't fix Wall Maria."

The pain and disappointment in Eren's words break me. Looking around at the others, it's clear that Eren isn't the only one disappointed. Everyone is. Even me. I'm not disappointed in Eren. Someone else can go try fixing that fucking wall if they're disappointed with _him_.

"That's exactly right, and everyone's miserable and disappointed. We can't waste any more time. The situation keeps getting shittier and shittier, I mean, who knows what's going to happen next? Titans raining down from the sky?"

Mikasa steps up. "Eren did everything he could."

"You think I don't know that? He still can't close the hole in Wall Maria."

"But blaming Eren for that-"

Mikasa's getting even angrier and I notice how much more upset Eren looks after I started bitching. Shit. I never was good with words. Especially when I'm pissy and exhausted.

"Hold on. I'm not blaming Eren. I'm just being an asshole and complaining. Bitching about our shitty situation is an important ritual. We're all stuck here in the same shithole and we all want the same thing."

Hanji interrupts. I reach for Eren's hand and squeeze it in apology.

"What Levi's trying to say is that even though Eren wasn't able to harden, we've gathered valuable information about his abilities and now we need to use that information to keep trying for another solution. Right, Levi?"

"...Yeah."  I'm sorry, Eren.  "I'd like to speak to Eren in private, so if you could all kindly fuck off now..." I wave my hand as if shooing a fly. Mikasa looks like she's going to knock my teeth out. Good. I'd be disappointed in her if she didn't.

I get Eren all to myself for the first time since he's been awake.

\---

 

"You know I don't blame you for not being able to harden, right? I'm not disappointed in you. I'm really proud of you."

"I know, Levi. I'm still upset with myself. I hate this. Why do I have to be the one to save humanity? I can't do it. I don't even know anything about my powers! I'm so fucking weak, so fucking useless, Levi! Why does it have to be me?! I can't do anything!"

I sit up so I can rest my chin on his head, cradling him against my throat, squeezing my arms tight around him. I want to save him from all of this. This is too much burden for anyone to bear. It shouldn't have to be him but it is.

"What did I tell you about calling yourself useless? You're not weak, either. No other man would have been able to endure even a fraction of what you have, and you're still standing and fighting. You have something that none else has ever had. Whether you believe it or not, you do hold the key to saving humanity. I won't force you to keep fighting if you don't want to. I'll be by your side in whatever you choose to do. It's up to you."

He relaxes a little more into me and I inhale the scent of his hair. How much longer will I be able to hold him? What if another experiment goes wrong? What if the MP catch up with us? I selfishly want to protect him for my own sake; I don't want to feel the pain of another loss, one far greater than any loss I've endured before. I want to protect him for his own sake, too. He's strong, he can handle himself. He's a fucking titan for god's sake. That doesn't mean that people aren't out to kill him or keep him chained up to experiment on him like an animal. That doesn't mean he should shoulder all the weight of not being able to meet humanity's hopes yet.

"I thought about my father while I was in my titan form. I still don't know where he is."

"You wrote the word 'father' on the ground before you got out of your titan during the first experiment."

Eren stiffens suddenly, going quiet for a few moments, then shaking his head, hand pressing against it in pain.

"Are you okay? Do you have a headache? Just rest." I hand him the glass I brought for him. "Drink."

He finishes the entire glass.

"I feel like I had an important dream but I can't remember anything about it. I'm still tired, I guess."

"Rest. I'll be right here."

And I am.

\---

 

We both sleep for hours undisturbed. I don't need much sleep to feel rested and I wake before him, once again nuzzling my face into his hair, stroking my hand up and down his arm. Thinking. Dwelling. Brooding. Unable to enjoy the relief of him being alive right now because of the fear that this could be the very last time.

I hear Hanji shouting excitedly from downstairs, immersed in some titan-related conversation with Historia and the others. I hear Mikasa raise her voice a few times, clearly making out Eren's name after every time I hear Kirstein say his name first. I think that's Springer talking about his village now, Ragako, yes, that's Springer.

No one's made it through any of this unscathed.

\---

 

Bitching about our shitty situation is an important bonding ritual, but it's not the only one. There's another, better bonding ritual, one only Eren and I know about.

Eren is very fond of this ritual.

Eren makes a rush to undress me. I push him back. I have other plans. He's feeling much better after getting some more sleep, but I know he's still exhausted. I intend to focus only on him and make him feel cared for, show him he's appreciated. Valuable as more than a weapon for humanity. Show him he's loved. I don't even care about my own needs. Right now my only need is to please Eren.

I rip the sheet off of us and toss it aside. It lands on the floor and I couldn't care less. What has he done to me? I just threw clean sheets onto the dirty floor that no one in the squad bothered to clean when we arrived. Tidiness seems so unimportant when I have Eren in front of me.

I mount his hips, not lowering myself enough to make contact with them. I lean forward as if I'm going to kiss him, millimeters away from his lips, suddenly pulling back again to grasp the hem of his shirt, dragging my fingers along his skin as I'm lifting it up and over his head, tossing it aside as well but making sure it lands on the bed next to us. Not gonna dirty Eren's clothes.

I return to my position over his hips, still hovering just above them. Crossing my arms, I reach for the hem of my own shirt, stretching my body, gradually revealing skin as I slowly pull it up, stopping halfway. I stop with my pectoral muscles still covered, uncrossing my arms fluidly, fingers flat on my chest hidden under my shirt, thumbs hooked over the hem instead. I look right into Eren's eyes and his pupils are already dilated, moving like they can't decide where to look. His bare chest is starting to rise and fall faster.

Rubbing my hands upward and outward over my chest, exhaling a soft _mmm_ when my fingers brush over my nipples, I peel the shirt off completely and toss it on the adjacent bed with Eren's own. I think about how nice it is to be able to undress this easily, neither of us wearing harnesses or uniforms. Maybe one day we won't need our uniforms.

Eren reaches his hand out to touch me. I catch his wrist before he can, leaning forward to pin it beside him, hand on his other wrist mirroring the action. I curve my back, sliding my body slowly up his, our skin lightly touching, and I shake my head no. He leans to kiss me but I'm quicker, pushing back on my arms to sit back up before he can meet my lips.

Dragging my hands up my thighs until they reach my hips, I slip my thumbs under the waistband of my pants, pulling the front down only far enough to flash a quick glimpse of dark hair, thumbs seating the waistband back to its previous position. I hear Eren huff in frustration, fists clenching at his sides. Ah, good. That's what I was going for.

I rub my hands along my sides, over my chest, folding them over my shoulders before rubbing them back down over my front, making another small noise at the sensation. I'd prefer Eren's hands on me, but that's for later. Maybe. This is a challenge for me now. I'm going to see if I can make him moan without touching him. Eren's never been good at the whole self-control thing. Or the being quiet thing. Not that I mind.

Touching myself and watching his reactions is testing my much, much stronger self control, and I'm hoping I'm arousing him as much as I seem to have aroused myself. I'm curious. I lean backwards on my hands, making the show of my loose pants tightening over my hips look intentional as an excuse to make contact with his lap for a second. Yep. I tighten my muscles to straighten myself. I smirk at him and he looks angry. Fuck, he's so cute.

I don't want to drag this out much longer. I smooth my hands back over myself once more before hooking my thumbs in my waistband again. They tuck into the front of my pants, but slide around to the side, tugging them down over my ass after I roll my hips forward. The front catches on my erection and I finally hear Eren make a little whine. I turn my head forward to catch him biting his lip. Good enough. I silently congratulate myself. I reward him with one good, hard grind against his crotch.

I free the waistband of my pants from where it's caught on my cock, bending forward and jutting my hips back to slide my pants all the way off before he can get a look at it. I think that's enough teasing. I'll show him some mercy. I raise myself up on my knees, pinning him with a hungry look that makes him tense in anticipation, forcing out a huff of air. I wrap my hand around my cock, stroking slowly, pulling the skin up all the way over the head, Eren's eyes lowering shamelessly, watching, still chewing his bottom lip.

I swing one leg over him, pivoting to face his feet before straddling him again, this time over his chest. Does he like that? I'd like it if the roles were reversed and he's not complaining. That's reason enough for me to dismiss the tiny hint of insecurity starting to surface at the back of my mind. I use my position to grip his hips, dragging my tongue down his abdomen, stretching myself forward to push his final bit of clothing down his legs. He bends his knees and lifts his feet to assist me. My Eren, always so thoughtful.

Oh yeah, mercy. I forgot about that.

"You can touch me now if you want." I say this with my face pressed into his cock, lips brushing over it when I whisper low and rough, purposely sighing hot breath over him.

He must have really wanted to because his hands are sliding up my legs, over my thighs and ass and back down before I even finish my sentence. I snort out a little laugh through my nose and then I get to work.

I grab the base of his cock, thumb around the front, fingers underneath cupping his balls, taking him into my mouth and sucking hard.

" _Haaaah-!_ " When he cries out like that it always goes straight to my dick. I feel myself twitch and then Eren's squeezing my ass in both hands. I groan. His hips involuntarily buck, forcing him deeper into my mouth, my teeth scraping against him. He doesn't seem to mind judging from his response.

I start sucking him in earnest now, bobbing up and down at a fast pace, pressing my tongue flat against him and making sure to catch it under the ridge on each upward pass.

Eren's squirming below me, kneading my ass, whimpering and moaning.

"Ahh, _Levi_... Levi, please, oh _FUCK_! Levi please let me, I want to taste you so bad, ah, ah, _hnnnnn!_ Please Levi!" He sounds so desperate and he's _begging_ , I can't say no to him. Anything he asks for I'm going to give to him.

He's never said anything about my height and I don't feel self-conscious about it when I'm with him. I only nod my head and scoot back as much as I can while still keeping him in my mouth.

He sighs when he finally pulls my cock into his mouth.

He makes a lot of noise, moaning and slurping and panting. I drink in every little sound, closing my eyes and savoring the way that I'm the only one who has ever heard him like this. I realize I've been fairly quiet this whole time, only the occasional deep moan escaping my throat because I've been focusing all my attention on pleasing him. I don't usually hold myself back in this way, always allowing myself to let down my walls and openly express my own pleasure for him. Partially because he loves hearing it, but secretly because I want to demonstrate my trust in him. Trusting him with seeing me vulnerable, honest and expressive in a way that only he will ever get to experience.  I relax and return the favor.

I've been enjoying pleasing him so much this entire time that I'm already close. I'll make certain that he comes first, though. I increase my speed, moaning and sighing openly, letting my saliva drip down his length, the sloppy noises causing his body to tense in response. That's it, Eren, go ahead. I slide my hand down to gently squeeze his balls a little more, pressing my fingers against his perineum, massaging him there exactly the way he likes.

He throws his head back, my cock trailing over his chin when it springs free from his mouth. Now that his mouth is unoccupied, a moan escapes him, loud enough to fill the room and echo off the walls. I hear him panting, and then there's a sucking sound from behind me but not from my cock in his mouth.

The loud panting resumes and suddenly there's a spit-slicked finger sliding into my ass, thrusting slowly but deeply, knuckles flat against me every time, pressing downward in a way that makes my body twitch and shake.

Now it's _my_ head being tossed back in ecstasy, my moan matching his in volume, my panting as rushed as his own. The unexpected penetration causes me to clench down around him and I hear him gasp like he's been punched in the gut.

I'm so lost in the sensation that I forget to take him back into my mouth, my fingers stilling between his legs but absently starting to press harder and harder the more wound up I get from what he's doing. So lost in what Eren's giving me that I didn't notice how his moans increased in speed and pitch the instant he entered me.

I'm brought back to reality when I hear him hiss a startled " _shit!_ " from behind me and I look down just in time to see his hips still, toes curling and abdomen tensing a split second before I feel something wet and warm land on my face and hair.

He rips his finger out of my ass and sits up in panic, leaving me with my face still hovering in position and dripping onto the sheets.

"Fuck! _Fuck!_ Levi, I'm so sorry! Shit, shit, shit! Here, let me get-"

"Oi, shut up."

I turn around and see the mortified look on his face and it goads me into working him up even more. I want to see how wide those big green eyes can get.

I glower over him, watching his eyes widen exactly how I imagined they would, his expression frozen in panic. He knows I wouldn't lay a hand on him in anger, but he still looks very, very nervous.  My eyes never leave his while I swipe my thumb up my face, gathering what was about to drip down off my chin. I bring my thumb up to my mouth, drag it down the flat of my tongue, and then seal my lips around it to suck off the rest as suggestively as possible while trying my best to keep a straight face after learning what that tastes like. I'm dying to spit it out but determined to not ruin the moment.

He never gets to see my satisfied smirk because his hands are covering his burning red face, hoping that if he can just block out the sight in front of him then it won't be real. I feel marginally guilty for embarrassing him, but stronger is the gratified feeling I get from teasing such a reaction out of him. Kid's too cute for his own good.

I'm not even done with him yet.

\---

 

Hanji is at the table furiously scratching notes into a book that's on the verge of falling apart, turning pages in a flurry as they record information at breakneck speed. Every now and then they pause, lifting their gaze to the ceiling and tapping their pen against their chin before picking up where they left off.

There are others at the table and Hanji seems oblivious to them.

They don't even look up at the cracking of glass across from them.

Mikasa has crushed her teacup in her hand, focused only on one thing, just like the overjoyed scientist across the table from her. Her growl is drowned out by the chaos erupting around her.

"Are you fucking serious?!" Jean shoves his chair back violently, knocking it over onto the hard floor with a crash that still doesn't get Hanji's attention. "Fuck this." He storms out in a huff, slamming the door behind him.

"Yo, wait for me!"

"What's the big deal? It happens. Just ignore it."

"Do they never _stop_?! Maria! What are they, rabbits?!"

"I.... I'm going to check on Jean."

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to say goodbye.

  
The first day's ride goes surprisingly smoothly. They encountered very few titans and easily avoided them, save for one aberrant that Mikasa took out in under a minute. They were now several kilometers outside the wall, farther into titan territory than all but Levi have ever been before. It was nearing dusk and Levi had led them to a familiar area that he had marked on the map. He was here years ago, with Hanji and his old special operations squad. Only three of those people are still alive now. One of them would be joining them soon, though Levi hoped not _too_ soon.

Squad Levi arrived at a scenic wooded marsh east of Wall Maria and Levi halted the formation, turning his horse around to face the riders behind him.

"We'll make camp here for tonight."

As Levi led them into the familiar dry grotto, he could hear everyone talking behind him, all in high spirits, happy about the success of the first day's journey. All of these young soldiers have been outside the walls before and lived to tell about it, and to Levi that's the mark of a true Survey Corps member. Everyone on the team contributes their own special skill to the group and continually prove themselves worthy of Levi's admiration.

The huge, ancient tree he remembers is still there. He doesn't approach it to see if what he found all those years ago is still inside it.

Night falls and Sasha has already managed to obtain several rabbits and a pheasant, lifting everyone's spirits even higher now that they actually get to have meat for dinner. Levi takes a seat on a fallen log away from the large fire where everyone else sits skinning their soon-to-be dinners and talking among themselves, joking and laughing. There's a scream and a small fight erupts after Connie throws a handful of rabbit guts at Sasha, missing and splattering them instead at Jean's feet. Gross.

Levi becomes wistful at witnessing such a rare sight. Crickets and cicadas sing around him, laughter and the crackling of fire filling the air. He could almost forget that titans existed at all. Is this the life he'd always dreamed of? He thinks it seems even better. It'll be much quieter when it's just him and Eren out there, exploring the unknown. Levi admits to himself that he's actually going to miss these noisy brats. He hopes they all get to live long, peaceful lives. They deserve it.

The smell of roasting meat gets his attention and he looks ahead to see Eren walking towards him, huge smile on his face. He loves this kid so much. Maybe it won't be so bad, just the two of them out there alone. Levi always wanted a life of freedom but never imagined one spent not alone, but in the blissful presence of someone he loved more than anything. It's almost too good to be true, he thinks when his green-eyed lover sits beside him, joining their hands and sighing happily as he leans his head on Levi's shoulder.

"Hey."

"Hey."

They greet each other with their first kiss in the outside world. Levi thinks that they must make a sickeningly adorable sight, smiling at each other in the firelight, nipping at each other's lips when they decide that one, two, three kisses aren't enough.

"This is nice." Eren's head is back on Levi's shoulder and he's watching his friends turn dinner over the fire with a smile still on his face.

"It is." It really is. Even with the stress and uncertainty of the next few days ahead of them, Levi can't bring himself to care about anything besides how content he is at this very moment.

Far enough away from the fire where everyone else is still happily chatting away, the two share a quiet conversation meant only for their ears.

"I'm going to miss them so much." Levi still feels guilty about Eren leaving his two closest friends behind, but they've talked about it at length, finally making peace with the sacrifice. Eren decided that it would be safer for them to stay behind, that he shared many happy years with them but was ready to start a new chapter of his life with Levi. He knows the sacrifice is necessary if he wants to have a chance at escaping his fate.

"Do you think they'll be okay without me?" Still, Eren always asks this and Levi always answers the same way.

"They're strong, Eren. They've survived this long and not many people can say that." Well, what kind of stories can a corpse tell? Levi may be humanity's strongest soldier, but eloquence is not among his many skills. "If anyone can make it, it's them."

Eren nods against Levi's shoulder, releasing Levi's clasped hand to intertwine their fingers instead.

"I wouldn't be here without them. All of them. Well, maybe not Jean." Levi snorts at this. "I really love them, Levi. I hope they make it."

Levi says nothing and kisses Eren's temple.

Mikasa is the only one not joining in the conversation around the fire. She's sitting in front of her log, arms around her knees to hold them against her chest, chin resting heavily on top of them. It's a warm night and even warmer that close to the fire but she's still wearing that tattered red scarf around her neck. Levi sees so much of himself in her. He knows those kids will be in good hands with Mikasa around to look after them.

"Hey! Lovebirds! Quit sucking face and get over here, food's ready! You can eat dick later, Yeager!" Jean's an ass as usual. Mikasa swings her arm out and punches him in the knee, accurately hitting her target without even looking over. This gets a big laugh out of Eren and Levi, and they both get up to join the others for a hot meal around the welcoming fire.

Jean turns his back to the squad now hungrily tearing meat from bone with rapturous expressions. He smiles at the pair walking towards him, never letting the others in on the secret truce established with the taciturn Corporal and the suicidal bastard. Eren smiles back at Jean, a first, and Levi claps his hand over Jean's shoulder, squeezing subtly, earning a jolt of shock from their horse-faced friend.

 

\---

 

They spend hours around the fire that night, their chatter still too energetic and their spirits still too high to cut their fun short. Levi allows this, but makes sure they know that he won't be the one responsible when they get eaten by a titan tomorrow because they nodded off in the saddle and fell off their horse.

Eren and Levi wander away for a little privacy so that Jean won't have to worry about seeing them "sucking face," as he so eloquently put it. They kiss each other breathless, savoring every second of this rare night of happiness and peace. Levi decides he's in a generous mood tonight since it _is_ a special occasion and all, and pulls away from Eren to retrieve something from their tent.  
  
"I'll be right back," he reassures the panting brunet at his disappointed, questioning look. He returns shortly holding a small, rectangular metal box. It's engraved with elaborate scroll work, too expensive-looking for something that could have come from outside Wall Sina.

"What's that?" Eren's curiosity is piqued at the sight of the unfamiliar item.

"I was planning on sharing these with you up on Wall Maria, but I kind of... Forgot about them." Levi thinks he sees Eren blush. "Come on, it's a special night."

Levi gets up, reaching down for Eren's hand to help him off the ground, and walks over to the party still going on around the slowly dying fire.

Levi pops open the little case, extending it out within everyone's reach.

"Holy shit, Levi!" They seem to have dropped the honorifics, finally. "Where did you manage to find this?!"

Levi dodges the question, still holding out his offering. "Do you want one or not?"

He plucks his own cigarette from the case, pressing it between his lips as he reaches into his pocket for matches. He lights his, tossing the spent match into the fire, then offers the box of matches to Jean, who passes it around to the others.

Levi sits down next to Eren, who he notices hasn't taken one for himself. Tobacco is extremely rare and costly, much like many of the non-essential crops and commodities grown and produced within the limited space of the walls. It's probably the first time anyone in his squad has seen actual unadulterated tobacco, a luxury generally reserved for the wealthy and the... Resourceful.

Levi hears someone cough after he turns to wrap an arm around Eren and he tries not to laugh as he presses himself against Eren's side.  Yeah, he really is going to miss these kids.

Levi looks at Eren with hooded eyes, focusing his gaze down on Eren's soft, swollen lips. Eren is regarding Levi with the same hungry, lust-filled look. Levi beckons him with a hushed whisper.

"Come here."

He takes a long drag from his cigarette, holding the smoke in his lungs, and then he's wrapping a hand over the back of Eren's neck to pull him in close.

He seals his lips over Eren's, exhaling the warm smoke into his mouth. Eren inhales the offering, releasing the white smoke into the cool night sky when Levi breaks the kiss.

Levi concludes that Eren must have liked that because he ends up finishing his cigarette with Eren nipping at his neck and ear, breathing threats and demands over his heated skin, hand placed boldly on Levi's inner thigh.

"Rotate watch every hour. You can decide who goes when."

At this, Levi and Eren retire to their tent.

 

\---

 

Connie ends up drawing first watch.

The night is quiet and peaceful. Tranquil. Serene. So much so that he soon realizes not _everyone_ is asleep. Goddamn it.

"I'm sick and tired of all this shit!"

Not the least bit concerned about waking anyone at this point, he throws a rock angrily into the dying embers of the fire and storms off to patrol the opposite side of camp.

 

\---

 

Commander Erwin enters the Shiganshina safehouse, not aware that Squad Levi has already departed. He has urgent news that he hoped to deliver before the group set out. New details from Ymir pertaining to the current operation. Unfortunately, he finds that the house is empty. He begins to leave, not wanting to waste any more time. He needs to catch up to the group, hoping that they haven't run into any trouble traveling through open titan territory. They're in good hands under the command of Corporal Levi, and Eren's newly discovered ability to control titans should be enough to ensure an easy escape from any dangerous situations, but one can never be certain of anything in this world.

He thinks about Levi's newly found joy in the young titan shifter. It's the first romantic relationship, even just the first truly _close_ relationship he's known Levi to have since the deaths of his two friends from the underground. He's never seen the cold, troubled, emotionless Corporal at such peace before. Erwin knows that he'd do anything to protect his new mate, especially after he witnessed Levi's reaction to the loss of Farlan and Isabel. Erwin often feels guilty about forcing Levi into that situation, but it resulted in the acquisition of a great asset to the Survey Corps and an immensely strong soldier willing to fight on the behalf of humankind. It was worth it.

Erwin is about to reach for the doorknob of the abandoned safehouse when something catches his eye. On the table near the door is a rolled-up sheet of paper, something left behind by one of the soldiers, no doubt, and he can't have sensitive information left unsecured, especially since they're still within the walls and the possibility of someone like the military police finding it is a potential risk to the covert operation currently underway.

He unrolls the document and sees that it's a map, and it's marked with Levi's familiar neat handwriting.

He crushes it in his hand.

 

\---

 

Despite the late night, everyone wakes up well-rested and on time. Tents and bedrolls are packed away in record time, everyone eager to start today's trek before the titans start becoming active again. The plan is to travel the next stretch of flat land fast enough to be able to hopefully locate another wooded area where they can have the advantage of using their 3DMG during peak titan hours. This is the farthest anyone has been outside the walls, so the rest of the map is blank except for a few areas, some marked with notes and question marks, two clearly labeled as 'target' and 'safehouse'. Their locations are only approximate, based on second-hand information, but Erwin was confident enough in that information to secretly send the Survey Corps' last remaining elites out here to find them, so there must be some weight to it.

It's several kilometers into their route when Levi spots something up ahead in the distance. Another destroyed town at the base of a small mountain, flanked on either side by dense, overgrown forest. Surrounded by titans. Eren sees it too. They lock eyes for a brief moment before Levi shouts a command.

"Head for the trees! Avoid the titans if possible. Try not to engage until we enter the forest. I'll trust your judgment so don't wait for my order to attack." The image of his original squad, his friends, slaughtered, dangling from uselessly tall trees by their 3DMG wires, bodies smashed, broken, bloody, is still as clear as the day it happened.

They assume the small, spread-out configuration of the expedition formation devised by Erwin as they charge forward for the safety of the forest. Their luck runs out when they draw the attention of several abnormal types and are forced into a tense fight before they can reach the trees.

 

\---

 

Erwin pushes his horse to its very limits, determined to catch up to Levi. His horse is the fastest in the Corps and the landscape passes by him in a blur. He cannot stop for anything. Just one man shouldn't be enough to alert any nearby titans, but even with one arm he's confident that if his trusted horse can't outrun them, he can still take down any that get in his way.

 

\---

 

Levi and Mikasa move together in perfect synchronization, methodically slicing through the first wave of titans impeding them from entering the forest. He'd instructed Eren not to transform unless it's absolutely necessary, needing him to conserve energy for the last leg of today's journey. They can't have Eren unconscious if they get into real trouble. Levi and Mikasa are enough to handle a situation like this, having done so countless times before. He wonders what Mikasa's kill count is now. Eren told him that she killed her first titan just days after graduation and it wasn't the only one she killed that day.

The formation has spread out even more, making a dash for the trees while the two Ackermans eliminate the threat of abnormal titans following them. They're all close now. Levi returns to his horse, Mikasa taking out the rest of the swarm with deadly grace. Levi noticed that she'd begun to hold her blade in an underhand grip.

Eren is right beside him and Levi reaches for the flare gun at his hip. He turns to Eren.

"Ready?"

Eren nods. Levi fires the flare.

 

\---

 

Squad Levi makes it through the harrowing battle unscathed, each of them making several kills of their own as they try to use the speed of their horses to outrun the slower titans they stumble upon while making their way toward the direction of the earlier directional flare.

Eren and Levi are not with them when they emerge on the other side of the densely wooded mountain valley. Safe for now, they reduce their speed to rest their panting, sweating horses. They'll be sitting ducks without them and they're already slowing from exhaustion.

The squad halts when they hear an approaching horse. That must be Eren and Levi rejoining the formation. Armin turns to look in the direction of the sound.  His eyes widen.

"Commander Erwin, sir!"

"Status report!"

"Moderate titan interference, sir! Titans still present in the area! No confirmed casualties... Though we've become separated from Eren and the Corporal!"

  
Erwin's expression is grim.

"Change your course and set up a temporary base until I've located them. There should be an abandoned village to the east of our current location. You'll find it marked on your map, though the location may not be exact. Check the houses for cellars and if you find one that's not in danger of imminent collapse, retreat there until dusk. Avoid attracting any titans if possible. Assign rotating lookouts and watch for flares. Until I give the signal, you are to remain hidden and under no circumstances are you to follow me."

"Yes, sir!"

"Arlert! Move to the supply wagon."

"Sir?"

"I need your horse. Now go!"

 

\---

 

"Eren, stop. Don't move."

"What's wr-"

"Shh! I hear something."

They both still, holding their breath as they strain to pick up on the sound of approaching horses.

 

\---

 

Mikasa stays stationary after the Commander orders them to fall back. Hesitant. Resisting the urge to defy the Commander's orders, intuition telling her to follow.

"Mikasa! We have to go! The Commander will find them, don't worry!"

With resignation, she turns and snaps her reins, rejoining the formation without Eren.

 

\---

 

"Shit. I know I heard a horse."

"Do you think the others spotted us?"

"I don't know. It's possible. Stay sharp and don't drop your guard for any reason. At the first sign of someone approaching, switch to 3D.  Grab your left saddlebag and wear it on your back. Lose your cloak if you have to. There's no guarantee we can come back for the horses. If anything, whoever it is will see the abandoned horses and hopefully assume we were eaten. Don't leave my side."

Eren nods in obedience as they urge their horses into a gallop, the strong, specialized animals charging neck and neck with each other through the dense forest. Survey Corps horses are extensively trained to handle battle conditions, the ability to avoid obstacles and ignore distractions ingrained so deeply into them it's as if it were natural instinct. They're extremely valuable to the Survey Corps, selectively bred for speed and stamina, far different from the carriage horses of the city or the workhorses in the farming villages.

They barely make it a kilometer before they clearly hear the pounding of hooves again, this time accompanied by the sound of breaking branches as the large animal crushes them beneath its sure footing. Eren looks to Levi, startled, but Levi is busy slinging a large pack over his shoulders, leaning down to unbuckle his saddlebags with practiced efficiency. It's a huge risk to stay still long enough to secure their packs, but they're crucial to their survival out in the untouched wilderness.

The pair doesn't get the chance to switch to the 3DMG. The approaching horse closes on them from the rear at top speed, showing no signs of slowing. As they turn around to look at the rider behind them, a shower of soil and detritus from the forest floor erupts from the direction they were just facing. The instant they see that the giant horse's saddle is unoccupied, Eren and Levi whip back around to face the source of the noise just in time to be pelted with a spray of debris, their eyes squeezing shut instinctively to protect their sight from the dangerous fragments of earth. A second massive courser, white as snow, grinds to a halt in front of them.

A deep, booming voice reaches their ears before they can even open their eyes again.

"Levi."

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi spirals downward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's pissed. Shit's goin' down.

  
  
I never did get to finish all the plans I had for Eren that night, seeing as our important ritual was so rudely interrupted at the worst possible moment by frantic pounding on our bedroom door.  
  
"Someone better be dying."  _Or else it's going to be you, Arlert_.  
  
"Corporal, sir! A messenger just arrived with urgent news from the Commander!"  
  
"Give me a minute, I'll be right there."  _Well, I guess now I won't have to make up a cover story for when Eren notices you missing_.  
  
I'm not the only one annoyed at the situation.  
  
" _Fuuuuuuuck_ ," Eren groans out in anger, dropping his head back and covering his face with his palm, dragging it down is if he could somehow wipe away the frustration.  
  
I look down at him bare below me, gesturing in a wide arc with my hands, drawing his attention to our current position.  
  
"Trying to."  
  
At least I can still make the kid laugh.

 

\---

 

It was a good thing we didn't spare any time getting downstairs to receive Erwin's message because we had to get our asses out of there in a hurry.  
  
Eyebrows was finally going for it. Planning a coup and overthrowing the royal government. And it's going to be messy. The Central Military Police are already on our tail, so I guess our secret hideout wasn't as secret as we thought. Almost immediately after vacating the building, the MPs were already swarming it. Everyone was understandably spooked by this. That was too close.  
  
We moved out to another secret location to drop off Eren and Historia. I had to fight myself tooth and nail to leave him there, but orders were orders. I'm getting pretty fucking tired of orders, actually. Especially ones that separate me from Eren. Historia's sure as shit not going to be able to protect him if something goes wrong while I'm away. It's not that I think Eren is weak, but his record of kidnappings is not so good. Not to mention that the entire point of this rendezvous is to get Eren kidnapped again.  
  
Not Eren, though. Jean. And Armin this time, too. Dressed as a girl. I'm wondering if they'll ever let me hear the end of it if we all survive this mission.  
  
I kiss him goodbye and head out with the 104th to go get Eren's best friend kidnapped.

  
\---

 

Eren startles awake at a noise in the room. He's disoriented at the unfamiliar surroundings until he remembers that Historia is there with him. He's hiding out until Squad Levi returns from their ambush on the Reeves Company. He doesn't understand how anyone could think Jean looks like him. He does _not_ have a horse face like that egotistical asshole.  
  
"I feel like I had an important dream, but now I can't remember what it was." Eren gets up from the bed to look out the window, surprised to see that the sun is starting to set.  
  
"Yeah, me too." Historia is still sprawled across the small table next to Eren, not even trying not to appear bored out of her mind.  
  
"It's getting so late. I'm sure that everyone will be fine with Corporal Levi with them, but I thought they'd be back by now." The unspoken _I hope Levi is okay_ is written plainly on his face as he stares vacantly out the window at nothing in particular. The unspoken _I don't really give a shit_ is what's on Historia's face. The bored blonde examines her nails, clearly disinterested, not even looking at Eren when he speaks.  
  
"If I hadn't failed as a titan, no one would have to be out risking their lives for me again."  
  
"I envy you, Eren," Historia sighs, finally sitting up to look at him. "No matter how hard things get, you always know what you want. Everyone has something important to fight for, something they're willing to put their lives on the line for."  
  
"Well, what do you want to fight for?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't really care about anything. My family never loved me, and they're not even alive anyway. Ymir's gone. I'm tired of pretending to care."  
  
"My friends are out on a dangerous mission, my best friend is risking his life playing your body double! Don't you at least care about them? They could die out there and that doesn't even mean anything to you?"  
  
Historia turns away. Eren wonders why he fights for a humanity that's so complacent. So willing to sit around waiting to get eaten by titans. He thinks about the people he loves and remembers. Some things are important enough to lay down your life for.

 

\---

 

The lovely citizens of Trost, whose asses Eren already saved once before, attacked us as soon as they recognized me, _Corporal Levi of the Survey Corps, Humanity's Strongest_. They... blamed me. Blamed us. How do they not know that I face certain death every day fighting for _their_ freedom? Have any of them even tried fighting a titan before? Do they just assume they'll always be safe? Don't they care about the impossible task that Eren, the titan they wanted dead from the start, risked his life to accomplish so they wouldn't get eaten?  
  
I'm the one fighting for them and when they see me they want to kill me. Why am I even trying to fight for these complacent cattle that won't even fight for themselves?

 

\---

 

I'm killing humans now. We all are. Mikasa and I kill them without hesitation, clean and efficient.  
  
Why should I be bothered by this? I've been killing people the entire time. Titans. Humans. Monsters. Friends. I kill to save them from each other. How many people have I killed? Ending lives in the name of saving lives; the end result is still death.  
  
Mikasa knows what must be done to protect the ones we love and so do I.

 

\---

 

I'm up on the wall overlooking the city with the man that city sees as its savior. A merchant, a greedy man who has never left the safety of the walls to kill for humanity's liberation from the control of the titans.  
  
Humanity is helpless against the titans. Every aspect of our entire lives is controlled by titans. They limit our territory and land to grow food and people starve. I fight them and watch my men die, no closer to freedom than before. There are titans outside the walls. Titans between the walls. Titans literally inside the walls that protect people from titans. Walls that the titans made to protect people from titans. Titans who break the walls. Titans who fix the walls. The titans are like gods over humanity.  
  
Even though they're all in danger of the near-invincible titans, humans plot and scheme against each other instead of working together. They kill and steal and send men to die in their place because they're comfortable cowards. It dawns on me at this very moment. This is the nature of humans.  
  
Not the nature of titans.  
  
In losing their humanity, titans obtain peace. They don't fight each other, they don't kill each other. They never want for food or shelter or material goods. They just live. And occasionally eat people. Is it an instinct to regain their own humanity? Or is it to eliminate the violent race that kills them while they kill each other?  
  
Which are the real monsters?

 

\---

 

This man, this merchant, the savior of the people. He doesn't care about those people. He cares only for himself. He sees both the government and the titans as idiots with absolute power and he's right.  
  
Either way, we're all going to die. Everything we do is going to cause death. If he abandons the town, the people starve. If I stop fighting for humanity, who will fight instead? What about Eren? Should we live as helpless livestock, or should we go down fighting with the hope that our worthless lives were lost for humanity's freedom?  
  
I don't know the answer.

 

\---

 

Is there even an answer? What's right and what's wrong when both choices end the same way? I think there's a third choice.  
  
Erwin warns us that the government will stop at nothing to get their hands on Eren and Historia. They'll sacrifice anything and anyone to retain their absolute power. They don't care at all about saving humanity, only ruling it, living safe and comfortable lives bought with the blood of their people. Erwin is a wise man. He knows the truth when he sees it.  
  
He knows lies, too.

 

\---

 

Eren, though. Eren is the true power of humanity. I can't save them and neither can anyone else. Eren is a miracle they want to eliminate. He's the physical embodiment of rebellion and rebellion is what the powerful fear. Is there any clearer confirmation than that?  
  
But where does Historia come into play? She's just as much a target as Eren is and we still haven't figured out why. It has something to do with Eren. Somehow they're linked. No one is talking. Someone knows.  
  
I'm going to find out.

 

\---

 

I'm torturing a man. I keep my composure but inside I'm seething with rage. Is this what needs to be done to learn the truth? Is causing brutal harm to another human being the key to saving humanity itself? It's how I saved Eren and that's all I care about right now.  
  
  
I hope he knows what I'm willing to do for him.

 

\---

 

The tormented screams emanating from the basement door are endless. There's no denying it now. They all hear it and know exactly what is being done and who is doing it. Can they still trust a leader who tortures men?  
  
"I guess we're all traitors now. I never thought we'd be fighting against the government when I joined the Survey Corps. I thought titans were the only enemy."  
  
The mood in the room is grim where the 104th sit at a table awash in warm firelight and the sounds of torture.  
  
"We're only traitors because our ways of thinking are different." Armin catches Eren's eye, but he's too lost in thought to respond.  
  
"We're still loyal to humanity. They never were at all. Now that we know the truth, our allegiances are different. We might have to take the lives of others instead of protecting them unconditionally. We're not good guys anymore." Armin is solemn as he says this, finally coming to terms with the gravity of their situation.  
  
Wanting freedom and peace is enough to make a loyal soldier into a traitor. Learning the truth often changes one's perspective on truth itself.  
  
The screaming doesn't stop.

 

\---

 

I stand before the man I've bloodied and broken and he says something that makes me freeze.  
  
He says that he causes pain to protect peace. That the ends justify the means. That forcing others to sacrifice their freedom to maintain the status quo is worth the price. How much difference is there between the two of us? Which one of us cares about serving the greater good no matter what the cost?  
  
What makes a human and what makes a monster? What makes a savior and what makes an executioner if they do the same thing?  
  
Do titans kill to protect the peace? Do titans know why they kill? Do titans know peace? Do they even know that they have the power to control the freedom of an entire race?  
  
Before I leave, I turn to him and speak.  
  
"Try to find some meaning in what life you have left here. Someone else will take up the torch."  
  
I don't know which of us my words are meant for.

 

\---

 

Historia's complacency enrages me. She's now the most important person in the world, she holds so much power, and she doesn't even care enough to use it for the benefit of humankind.  
  
I lose control in front of everyone, so infuriated that the key to our freedom is right here, apathetic, unwilling. Look at all that Eren's done! He didn't want this, either, but he's still fighting! He's giving everything he has for a chance at freedom!  
  
"You now hold authority over everyone in this world. What are you going to do with that power? Use it for the greater good? Run away? It's your choice. Just know that if you turn your back on us, I'll do everything in my power to find you and force you to obey."  
  
I lift her up by her detestable little throat. Does she think she's beyond reproach? I shouldn't be doing this, but maybe it'll shock her enough to motivate her. What's a little more of my humanity lost if it's for the good of the people?  
  
"It seems that this is your fate. If you don't like it, fight."  
  
I think of Eren's fate as a soldier, as a titan, as humanity's hope. Forced to fight or die because of someone else's sins. He's still fighting. He's scared, grief-stricken, and consumed by guilt, but he's still fighting for his dream, and for humanity's future. Is he the only thing good and pure left in this world? I know I've placed my loyalty well and I'm going to fight to change fate just like he is.  
  
"What exactly do you think is going to happen tomorrow? Do you think you're going to have food to eat? Sleep in a warm bed? Live through the day? Do you think the person next to you is going to be alive tomorrow?"  I feel Eren move closer to my side. His warmth temporarily calms me.  
  
"I don't. I've seen too much to assume anything is guaranteed except death. What if the walls get broken down tomorrow? I know I can fight. I fight every day to prevent that hell from happening and there are people who will stand in our way of preventing that hell.  I'm fine playing the role of the aberrant who would murder all those people because I'd choose the hell of killing people over the hell of sitting back and being devoured by titans. But what if no one had to die because you were willing to use your absolute authority to save them? It's your choice, but we're out of time. Choose. Now."  
  
I'm at the very limit of my patience. My sanity. I need him, I need my green-eyed titan, my hope. I need his strength to rebuild my crumbling walls. No one else can do it. I storm out amidst the shocked and terrified faces of my squad and Eren follows close behind me.  
  
We lock ourselves in our room and cling to each other. I fear that if I let him go, if I loosen my grip even a little, he'll be gone forever. We listen to each other's heartbeats, silently drowning in the depths of our own turbulent thoughts until sleep finds us.

 

\---

 

Eren is gone.  
  
  
I failed him. I broke my promise to always protect him because I couldn't save him. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be a setup and we were supposed to capture Rod Reiss. Using Eren as bait. Again. I hate that it always has to be him.  
  
  
Now he's gone and I have no idea where he is.

 

\---

 

I'm running for my life across city rooftops, shattering brick and stone cutting my face while I'm watching people die left and right. Civilians. Soldiers. Another squad that I failed to protect. Another young soldier's brain matter splattered across my face. More blood on my hands. Then I finally see who it is that's slaughtering my men instead of just killing me.  
  
Kenny. The man who raised me, who taught me to fight and kill and survive, who left me like everyone else. He abandoned me. Killed my men in front of me. Sent his own men to their ends to kill me. He wants _my_ death, me, the child he raised. He wants to kill me by his own hand. None of that is new to me and I could have lived with that knowledge if it hadn't been for one thing.  
  
He took Eren.

 

\---

 

I'm elated to see that all the members of the 104th survived the gunfight. I'm not quite so happy that they had to see me kill several men in cold blood in front of them. They're soldiers, they're no strangers to death. They've seen me kill countless titans.  
  
They've never seen me kill _men_ before. It was necessary if they were to make it out alive, and they are the ones whose lives I want to save. Some are not willing to accept this harsh truth. Mikasa accepted it years ago. And thanks to her, they are alive.  
  
Armin learns the hard way that he must be willing to end lives to save them.

 

\---

 

Now I'm sitting in an abandoned farm with new stitches in my arm, comforting Eren's best friend in his stead. Armin took his first life and is overcome with guilt. I thank him for doing it, hoping he forgives himself because killing that enemy saved his friend. I hope he knows that the guilt will fade with time and it will become easier. If no one acted, none of them would be here. Why should he have spared the stranger about to kill his friend? There's no reason. It was the right choice.  
  
Titans were people once. It wasn't his first human life. I don't know if telling him this is the right thing to do in this situation.  
  
I tell him what I tell myself. Once your hands are dirty, you can never go back to how you were before. You can make the choice to accept what you've done and continue to fight for your cause, fight to save your loved ones, or you can turn back and quit. I can't make that choice for any of them and I don't even know what the right choice is. Do you kill for the greater good, or do you stop killing and give up any sense of purpose? I know that whatever they'll choose will be the right choice. They're good kids, Eren's friends. My friends. I comfort them the best I can.  
  
I hope this is the last time I have to comfort Eren's friends without him.

 

\---

 

Finally, luck is on our side. I'm one step closer to finding Eren, thanks to some unexpected allies from the Military Police. I might owe Jean for that. Our fellow traitors lead us right into the Central Military Police stronghold. They weren't expecting us. The ambush is successful.  
  
I'm torturing again. He's speaking but I don't care about what he says. The only thing I need to hear from his bloody fucking mouth is where Eren is. I remember beating Eren like this in the courthouse. I smash out the bastard's teeth.  
  
He wants me to sacrifice myself to save my comrades. Isn't that what I'm already doing? He still won't tell me what I want to hear. I won't stop beating him until he does. All I can think about is Eren. I snap his arm. He asks me if I'm insane.  
  
I tell him I might be.

 

\---

 

Hanji, Sina bless them, arrives with some long overdue good news. Government's overthrown. Erwin's not hanging. Something about the Survey Corps being cleared of our crimes. I've decided that I no longer care about crimes. Did we actually commit any crimes? I don't even know what a crime truly is anymore. I only care that Hanji has a promising lead on Eren's location. Of all people, I should be the one to know that there really is no such thing as good news in this world. I'm reminded of that reality when I read the last line of the message.  
  
  
They're going to _eat_ Eren. I'm pleased that there's an Ackerman by my side with the same boiling blood in her veins and the same smouldering look of murder in her stormy grey eyes.  
  
  
We both know that Ackermans are best at one thing: spilling blood. 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin commands power over life and death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, criticisms, tips to help me improve or make the story more readable? I'm not exactly the best at proofreading.
> 
> Thank you all so much for continuing to read and offer encouragement!

 

Levi and Eren charge recklessly through bush and branches, horses instinctively jumping fallen logs, avoiding trunks, maintaining blinding speed without tiring.

It's a good thing Levi can trust their horses because he's barely been paying attention since he and Eren broke from formation. He knows that once they notice them missing, Armin and Mikasa will command the squad to find them, and while Armin is known for his logic and may discourage a risky search, Mikasa is known for her tenacity, not to mention her unbreakable devotion to Eren. Levi hopes they'll assume that he and Eren just went on ahead of them to the target and won't expand their search to the surrounding area. But with Sasha's tracking skills, he can't be sure that their trail won't be followed. At least he's proud to have led such a skilled team.

Levi doesn't doubt their skill at all. That's why they have no time to spare. They have to make it around the mountain range before Squad Levi can catch up with them. If this means risking injury to their horses or themselves, then that's the chance they'll have to take. He probably should be focused more on the ride, but his conscience is demanding his full attention.

\---

Ever since finding out that the titans who destroyed the walls were shifters like Eren, something has been nagging at me. Reiner and Bertholdt seemed so loyal and earnest. They were kind to everyone, helpful, protective, and Eren was very fond of them. No one ever expected to be betrayed by them. Annie, yes. Those two gentle giants? Unthinkable. So why did they do it?

Eren said that they were remorseful when they kidnapped him. Their minds were broken, guilt eroding their sanity. Even self-centered Ymir expressed remorse. Even so, they wanted Eren. They were willing to risk everything to capture Eren. Why? Because they found out about Eren's ability to control titans? Because Eren promised to kill every last titan and free humanity? Even if they were titans, why wouldn't they just side with humanity and aid Eren in his battle?

Titans _do_ kill humans; that's a solid truth. But as far as we know, most titans have no intelligence of their own. They are attracted to centers of human activity on instinct, they eat to kill, not to feed. The only titans with intelligence are the shifters who retain their human consciousness. So it wasn't titan instinct that made Reiner and Bertholdt do what they did. That came from their human minds. They deliberately chose to attack.

However, Eren loses control and gives in to instinct after a certain amount of time. He's learned to control himself well, but even with all his improvements there's still a limit. Reiner and Bertholdt seem to have mastered their titans, harnessing their skills at will, never blindly rampaging like Eren does. How do they do it? Eren's improved only with practice. How long have Reiner and Bertholdt been practicing? Ymir had decades, but she couldn't control her powers. Have they had even longer? They have secrets. I'm going to find out what they are. We have to hurry up and find them before anyone else does.

Eren thinks he's going to get revenge on them. He's ranted and raved about killing them ever since the kidnapping. He knows I want information out of them first. To find out what they know about the origin of titans, the purpose of titans, and especially if there's a cure to return a titan's humanity. I haven't told Eren that we're not going to kill them afterwards. I don't want to think about how he will react, but it's for his own good. If I told him this before, he might not have agreed. Maybe he might have. I try to tell myself that I didn't lie to him. I just didn't give him all the details. I hope he trusts me enough to not fuck this up for us. It's all for him. I want to give him happiness even if it costs me my own.

I'm gambling again.

\---

Erwin looks regal upon his imposing white steed. Erwin's horse is the largest in the Corps, and while Levi's own beloved black destrier is only a few hands shorter, Erwin's still seems to tower over it, significantly dwarfing all other riders on the battlefield, their horses looking like ponies in comparison. Erwin stands above the rest, golden hair shining in the sun like a crown upon his head.

Erwin is no king, though. At least not in title. He holds power and authority over men like a king. If he orders them to do something, they obey. He has his advisers but ultimately the decisions he makes are entirely up to him. He's always thought he made the right ones. Now he's not so sure.

It's been plaguing him for some time now. He'd always believed that his duty to the whole of mankind was the only true matter of importance. Caring for every single personal whim was frivolous and would not accomplish anything. He was willing to put away his own thoughts and emotions, symptoms of his own humanity, and devote himself to turning the tides of war. Freeing humanity from their inhuman masters.

Erwin is an honorable man, always was honorable. Always fighting on the front lines alongside soldiers he'd only known for a day. Some he'd known for years. And when the expeditions were over, he'd ride alongside them on the journey back to the walls to return to their families and loved ones. Still. Stiff. Wrapped in sheets. Not always as whole as they were when they joined the Survey Corps.

For years he's sent soldiers to their ends because he saw it a necessary sacrifice. The needs of many outweighed the needs of few. Some would need to die to save the rest. And even though they chose of their own free will to join the Survey Corps, knowing full well that the mortality rate was grim, Erwin was still the one who chose to send them out on hopeless expeditions. He can't even count the casualties anymore.

It was in the carriage ride with Commander-in-Chief Zackley after being pardoned from his impending execution that he felt the shift. Zackley shocked Erwin with his candor. He wasn't the man Erwin thought he was at all. He wasn't devoted to serving humanity, he was devoted to serving his own personal goals and protecting his own life. Zackley was too human. Maybe the government was better off the way it was. Is it any better now? Erwin always thought he and Zackley were of like mind. Zackley still thinks they are.

And he wonders. Should he have spent his whole life like this? Could he ever pay for all of his sins? And he thinks. He could turn back now. Turn his back on humanity. Serve only his closest friends. Stop being the one to send people to an early grave. Maybe have a family, a peaceful life. He thinks of everything he's sacrificed. What's been sacrificed to serve his goals.

He thinks of Levi, his friend, his strongest soldier, the greatest asset the Survey Corps has ever had until Eren came along. He thinks of Levi's unwavering dedication and unmatched strength, his years of loyal service, his victories in battle. He thinks of Levi crying over the mutilated bodies of the only friends he had in the world.

\---

"Levi."

He should have known. Levi should have _known_ that Erwin would always be two steps ahead of him. They were so close. They had almost made it.

Levi drops his bags onto the ground and sidesteps to Eren, grabbing his hand with crushing force to face whatever fate Erwin decides for them. Eren squeezes back and it does little to comfort him. He remembers the last time he tried to kill Erwin.

Erwin dismounts his horse calmly, barely snapping a single twig as he steps onto solid ground. Levi doesn't flinch when Erwin slowly approaches, his angry eyes burning a hole through the man who was once his second in command. Standing at full height, towering over Levi in an attempt to intimidate him, Erwin addresses him directly in a low, dangerous voice.

"Do you know what they do to traitors and deserters?"

"They're executed." Levi's calm voice doesn't carry any hint of his internal anxiety.

Erwin's lone hand hovers over the handle of his blade.

Levi knows Eren is trying to be brave. He doesn't have much of that anger and determination that Levi saw the day they met left in him. He doesn't know if Eren even has the will to fight at this point. Because he's scared. Because his hand is trembling in Levi's firm grip. He wanted to save Eren from all of this, to give him his dream, to give him peace. No, he can't let this end here. Not when they're so close.

Levi bets his pride and takes the gamble.

\---

It's Armin's turn for guard duty, so he takes his position on the roof of the stone silo that serves as their guard post.

Although there were many habitable structures left in the worn-down village, the squad chose to occupy the barn and its attached silo. The silo, having the best vantage point for surveying the land due to its turret-like construction, allowed one to see well over the tops of the town's overgrown trees, greatly increasing the chances of spotting signal flares in the night sky. The convenience of the attached barn was another deciding factor in selecting the location of their camp. They could shelter their horses inside the barn, keeping them out of view, and the opening between the two conjoined structures would allow them to mount their horses without going outside. They also noticed a rusted water pump upon entering the barn, and dry troughs for watering their horses. It's unlikely that the well is still useable, but it would be an incredible stroke of luck for them if it was, especially since the barn still contained various tools and containers that could be used for boiling water.

Despite the fact that the town and its structures had fallen into disrepair over the unknown number of years since its abandonment, it was still cozy. Peaceful. The air was clean and the view of the distant mountain range was unobstructed by walls. It might have even been a nice place to live if it wasn't surrounded by gargantuan beasts that want to eat you.

Armin sits atop the cold stone, shivering slightly, wrapping his cloak tightly around his small body. He doesn't take his eyes off the sky. He's determined to stay vigilant tonight, desperately scanning the pitch-black sky for any sign of Erwin signalling to them that he's found Eren.

Armin has seen Eren survive impossible odds. Any normal person would have died ten times over by now, considering that during their very first battle Eren got eaten by a titan. He remembers how overwhelmingly scared he was when Eren reached for him from inside that titan's mouth. The memory of how his severed arm flew towards him as the titan closed its jaws on Eren is as vivid to him as the day it happened. He was going to save Eren. He was so close to grabbing his hand and pulling him out. They were going to free mankind and see the world together. Eren couldn't die, not now, not before they'd even joined the Corps. And then... He was gone. Eren was gone. It should have been him, not Eren. Eren was the better soldier, so much stronger and braver than he could ever be. He recalled having to tell Mikasa. He wants so badly to forget.

Armin hears someone ascending the stone steps to the top of the tower but he doesn't dare look away from the forest that Erwin disappeared into hours ago.

Mikasa sits down next to Armin, pulling her scarf up over her face.

"Eren's not coming back."

"I know."

They sit beside each other in silence until the sky grows light again.

\---

"Erwin," Levi's voice lacks aggression as the Commander's name leaves his lips as merely a whisper.

"Erwin. Please. Please, let me have this. I've lost everyone I've ever loved. Please, just let me have this."  Levi's eyes are sincere, pleading, desperate. Erwin sees no lie in them, no hostility. He sees Levi's small hand squeeze the larger hand of his lover, the gentle way he strokes his thumb over Eren's white knuckles in a gesture of comfort and support. He... sees a band of silver metal when Levi moves his thumb.

Erwin relaxes his posture. He's stunned. Humanity's Strongest is standing before him begging. He's instantly overcome by the guilt that has been gradually eating away at him. He makes his decision, the justice and humanity of it confirmed at seeing the fear in those ever-impassive grey eyes. He's taken so many lives in the name of duty, sent so many soldiers to their deaths in the name of the greater good. And here before him is a man- _his friend_ \- and his lover- _his most valuable weapon_ \- together pleading for mercy. A man and a soldier that have served Erwin and all of humanity loyally and faithfully since day one. Two men that could try to kill him, but aren't.

"You have two days. After that, I will return with your squad and I _will_ return to the capitol with two fugitives."

Levi's eyes widen in disbelief at the mercy that the duty-bound Commander is extending to him. To them. To him and humanity's most valuable weapon against the titans and humanity's last hope. To trusted friends turned traitors, deserving of a sentence of execution for their crime. He swallows thickly against the lump in his throat.

"Erwin. Thank you. I promise that I'll do everything in my power to find a way to repay you somehow."

Erwin nods to Levi, then steps back to address Eren.

"They all made it back safely. They're waiting in an abandoned village for me to return with you."

A few tears roll down Eren's cheeks and he wipes them away. "Commander..."

"Erwin."

"Erwin..." Eren rushes forward and Levi is temporarily worried about what he's going to do. He wouldn't jeopardize the mercy Erwin has shown them, would he? Then Eren does the unexpected. He jumps up and throws his arms around the giant man's shoulders and begins to cry.

"Erwin, thank you so much. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for saving me that day instead of letting the military police keep me."  Levi is bitterly reminded of how Erwin saved Eren that day.

Erwin softens, bringing his arm around to pat the crying titan boy on the back. And he smiles. A genuine smile.

"Thank you for your service to mankind." Erwin then nods in Levi's direction, smiling at him in thankful sincerity. "Levi."

Erwin ruffles Eren's hair in a strangely paternal manner, looking warmly down at the smiling boy. Levi thinks that Erwin would have made a great father if none of this had ever happened. Maybe he still will be. Maybe he'll steal Nile's wife. What was she even thinking?

Erwin pats Eren again before releasing him, stepping aside to face Levi. He stands at attention. Salutes the former Corporal.

In return, Levi honors him with the last salute he will ever give. It's the same as Erwin's, left-handed, but not to mock him. Levi won't offer up his heart; it's no longer his to give. It doesn't belong to the Survey Corps anymore, or even to humanity. Erwin is a sharp man. The gesture's meaning is clear.

Eren unclasps his cloak, shrugging it off his shoulders, and folds it into a neat triangle. He looks down at the wings of freedom, the ones he'd always dreamed of wearing some day, then steps back up to Erwin.

"Could you... Could you give this to Mikasa for me?"

Erwin nods, taking the cloak from Eren's hands with due reverence. Levi had turned away to remove the rest of their belongings from the horses upon seeing Eren start to fold his cloak. He didn't want to be reminded of that. He gives the two a few moments.

"And..." Eren reaches into his shirt, lifting up the cord he's worn around his neck ever since the last time he saw his father alive. "Could you give this to Armin?"

He was going to give it to Levi since he couldn't get him a ring, but he realized that Levi already has _him_. And maybe it won't just be a memento, maybe Armin will actually be able to use it, maybe the Survey Corps can finally find out what's in the basement of his childhood home. He feels strange without the familiar weight around his neck.

Erwin tucks the item safely away in his breast pocket. He knew from the moment he saw Levi and Eren's tracks in the woods that his return to Levi's former squad wasn't going to be pleasant. Now it's going to be even more unpleasant because he'll be returning without the two living men. He's done that so many times before and never gets used to it.

A small price to pay, though. He'll faithfully keep this secret. It's the least he can do.

"Erwin, take the horses with you. We won't be able to care for them out here." Levi finally turns back when he hears them stop talking. Erwin begins to walk back to his muddied white horse. Levi pauses. He has one last request for him.

"Oi, lefty." Erwin turns back around. "Take care of the brats for me."

Erwin chuckles and finishes securing the two additional horses before finally mounting his own, stopping it beside the former soldiers.

"Good luck."

And then he's gone, the wings of freedom on his back the last thing Eren and Levi see as Erwin Smith returns to the side of humanity, leaving the two of them behind forever.

\---

"Alright, Eren, you know what happens next."

Eren nods. Grins at Levi.  Raises his hand to his mouth and bites down.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's decided.

  
  
Eren is just beyond this door. I don't know if he's alive or dead, if he's been eaten, or if he's eaten someone. Nothing else matters right now except one thing: Eren.  
  
"It's time to dirty your hands."  
  
Mikasa stands by my side, determined, unafraid. We nod to each other.  
  
Now.

 

\---

 

Mikasa and I fly together in perfect unison.  Explosions, flames, shockwaves of hot air and suffocating oily smoke assault us but we don't stray from our course. We have a singular goal and nothing else in the world exists.  
  
A strange sensation fills us, an energy, a power, a massive strength beyond what humans should ever know. We kill together as one, slicing up flesh like we were born only for this purpose. One by one our enemies fall, gasping, screaming, choking, precious crimson cascading around us like warm summer rain. We are thirsty.  
  
We hear him.

 

\---

 

We fly until no bodies are left moving.  
  
The smoke clears.  
  
I see him.

 

\---

 

I see Eren. I see his bare chest heaving. I see his tears.  
  
_kill_  
  
I see the chains on his hands, helpless arms spread to expose his heart. Vulnerable.  
  
_kill_  
  
I see the gag in his mouth.  
  
_kill_  
  
I see Kenny.  
  
_kill_  
  
Kenny, pulling Eren's hair. Removing Eren's gag. Shouting at Eren.  
  
_kill kill kill_  
  
I see Kenny put a knife to my Eren's skin.  
  
_kill kill kill kill!_  
  
I see red and then nothing else.

 

\---

 

Eren's face looks so hopeless. The blood that drips from the gash on his forehead is diluted with tears before it falls to the stone below. I have never seen him like this. He cries out, broken.  
  
"Eat me!"  
  
No.  
  
"Just eat me! I'm useless! It's all my fault that everyone died! Kill me! It's too painful to keep living! I'm better off dead! It's better for everyone if I die! I never needed to exist!"  
  
No!  
  
I'm flying toward him, running, never seeming to get any closer. My heart is pounding. Everything slows down. All I see is red, all I hear are Eren's cries in my ear.  
  
Mikasa's scarf. She's already there.

 

\---

 

He sees me. His eyes look dead.  
  
Then I'm with him. Pulling his face to mine. Kissing him like he's the air in my lungs. Covering my face in his blood. Covering his in my tears.  
  
A bright flash of light fills the cavern.

 

\---

 

Connie is behind me fumbling with a set of keys.  The ground is shaking while massive rocks and shards of crystal are falling all around us. The cave is collapsing.  
  
I hold Eren's dripping face in my hands, whispering his name against his skin, kissing the bleeding, unhealed wound on his forehead, tasting his blood on my lips. He's alive. The cave is still collapsing.  
  
"Give me the key! I need that fucking key _now_!"  
  
I never let go of him as he's freed from his chains.

 

\---

 

The instant the lock clicks, I'm in the air with Eren in my arms. The place where we stood a heartbeat ago no longer exists. I don't know how long any of us have left to exist.  
  
Eren is still crying, and now he looks at his friends as the stone ceiling continues to collapse around us. He's apologizing. He's saying he was never humanity's hope. He's saying he's useless.  
  
He's wrong. How many times have I told him that he's wrong?  
  
He might not get the chance to save humanity now, but he was never useless. He was my hope. He's still my hope. Even if we're crushed here and our lives end, he will be my hope until my very last breath and I will gladly die at his side.  
  
He's suffered for the sins of the kings and now he holds salvation in the palm of his bloodied hand.  
  
"ARMOR - BRAUN"

 

\---

 

"Eren... I'm sorry that it always has to be you. Do as you like."  
  
I don't want him to do this anymore. I won't _make_ him choose. I won't make him suffer.  
  
I'm at peace with either decision as long as it's with him.  
  
I look into those pained green eyes with all the love I have.  
  
I want to save him.  
  
The glass shatters in his mouth.  
  
He saves us instead.

 

\---

 

"You look like shit."  
  
Eren smiles and I devour it from his lips it before it can disappear. My fingers are nestled in his blood-matted hair and his arms are wrapped around me tighter than those steel chains. I don't want the key.  
  
I'm aware that everyone is likely staring at us but I'm in no hurry to end this kiss. Fuck discretion. The largest titan humanity has ever seen is crawling towards the wall, burning down everything in its path, but the only titan I care about right now is _mine_. The taste of blood and salt joins on our tongues and I'm so grateful for it. It's his blood, wet and warm with life, given from a warm, open mouth, not dried on cold, unmoving lips.  
  
There are others here who love him. That's the only thing that convinces me to leave the warmth of his steady breath and his warm skin and the pulse of life I feel under my fingers. Let them give him their love too. I want him to overflow with so much love that there's no room left for pain.  
  
Everyone is overjoyed, swarming around him, thanking him, congratulating him. He can finally harden his titan body and everyone's hope is renewed.  
  
He's still insisting that he should be eaten. That he can only be useful if he sacrifices himself to a Reiss.  
  
It's that Reiss who ends up talking some sense into him. If he won't listen to me, he'll have to listen to her. Everyone else backs Historia's theory and talks him out of it. I'm relieved.  
  
But then Jean says something that echoes in my mind.  
  
"There must be another option."

 

\---

 

Eren doesn't look so much like shit anymore.  
  
I'm proud of my team. I'm proud of Eren. I'm thankful that they're all still alive to give him what I can't.  
  
With a newfound strength, Eren shouts at the titan. It has no effect and seeing him standing there yelling at the headless monstrosity, who is completely ignoring him, is enough to make me start to laugh until I hear him scream-  
  
"Stop right now, Reiss, you tiny old man!"  
  
Goddammit, Eren.

 

\---

 

It's dawn, none of us have slept, every one of us exhausted and at our limits and the battle isn't even over yet. We perch atop the wall discussing our strategy while the Garrison evacuates the town.  
  
Erwin and Hanji have suggested using gunpowder to distract Reiss, buying us time to slice the massive titan's nape and end it. It's Eren who will deliver the crucial cask of powder directly into the titan's mouth.  
  
It's always Eren.  
  
I observe him as he's given his orders. He's sweating, distressed, looking very uncertain. I stoop to sit beside him and he doesn't look over.  
  
"Eren."  
  
"I'm worried."  
  
I know. We all are.  
  
"It's almost over. We'll take the gamble and whatever happens happens. I'll be watching over you the entire time. You won't leave my sight."  
  
"I'm not worried about myself. I'm just... What am I going to do from now on? Even if I can seal Wall Maria, that's not going to save us. Am I nothing special at all?"  
  
I take his hand in mine. It crushes me to see his spirit this broken. Hopeless. Having no faith in himself when he used to be so determined to fight.  
  
"All this time I thought I was special, that I had the power to save us all and it turns out I'm not. I'm weak. People have died because I'm so fucking weak. I thought their deaths were unavoidable, I... If humanity still needs me, they're in pretty bad shape if I'm the trump card at this point."  
  
I squeeze his hand, knowing full well that there's nothing I can do for him now besides offer my support.  
  
"Oi, what did I tell you about that? You have no idea how much you've accomplished, do you? I'll count out the ways for you after this is done. Do your best. I trust you."  
  
Armin approaches us and sits on Eren's other side while they both look down over the evacuating citizens. We have his back and will always, no matter what happens.  
  
We all see them at the same time. Three children in the distance, watching us.  
  
"Armin... Those kids. The kids in this city are just like us on that day. They're going to see a titan come over the walls and attack." Eren looks so guilty, so downtrodden. Then Armin speaks.  
  
"Yeah. Except now it's going to be different. Now the soldiers on top of the wall are going to fight for them. That's us, Eren."  
  
Eren doesn't seem at all comforted by this. My chest aches.  
  
"Eren! Don't just sit there, do something! We're running out of time!" Mikasa's voice doesn't even distract him from himself.  
  
What he does next shocks us all. He raises his fist and punches himself in the face. I want to vomit.  
  
"Eren!"  
  
"It's still too early for you to be hurting yourself!"  
  
" _Eren_..." I take him by the chin and wipe the blood from his face, overcome with my own helplessness.  
  
"It's alright. Just wanted to give a shitty, useless brat a good beating. I hope I finished him off."  
  
I want to take him away but we're out of time. The heat radiating from the nightmarish titan that has risen over the wall calls us to action.

 

\---

 

I see the flash of light and hear his familiar roar. He takes the bundle of explosives onto his shoulder and leaps into the titan's mouth.  
  
Another deafening explosion and wave of heat has my stomach sinking. Chunks of bloody titan flesh and debris are falling down all around us and I don't see Eren. All of us spring into motion trying to find the body inside the titan. This can't be in vain.  
  
The true Queen of the walls, Historia Reiss, is the one that takes down the titan. Her father.  
  
Eren is by my side. He's saved us all again.

 

\---

 

I was soaking wet, not just from my own sweat, but from the water I had to continually pour over myself to cool down from the intense heat radiating off of Rod Reiss' titan form. I was spent. Done. Every last drop of energy completely drained.  
  
"Eren..."  
  
That was all I could get out and it was nothing but a pathetic whimper. I was panting, posture falling, unable to keep up my mask of cool indifference. I didn't want anyone else to see that. Humanity's Strongest.  
  
And Eren understood. He took my hand and whispered softly, so no one else could hear.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
He lifted me onto his back and we flew.

 

\---

 

We flew through the city, farther and farther from the nightmare scene at the walls. He carried my exhausted body on his back as if I was weightless. He made sure his wires never touched me. I didn't know where we were heading.  
  
"Don't go back to HQ."  
  
He turned his head to kiss my disgusting, soaking wet, ash-covered hair.  
  
We stopped momentarily, standing on a rooftop in a mostly quiet neighborhood. He squatted, signaling me to step down, and I didn't expect him to scoop me up into his arms the way I do to him. I can see why it annoys him now. Though, to be honest... I kind of like this.  
  
He set his sights on a rather nice-looking two story home and whispered into my ear.  
  
"Close your eyes."  
  
And then were crashing through glass.

 

\---

 

Even though the glass shattered into hundreds of pieces all around us when we entered through the window, Eren managed to deliver me safely into the room without a single cut. He landed on his ass, sliding across the floor with his hand over my face to protect my eyes. He had a few cuts of his own, but by the time I regained my bearings they were already healing with tiny wisps of steam.  
  
We were in a bedroom. My hope that the house was unoccupied was confirmed when we saw the empty state of the room. It appeared as though only the valuable items were taken during the evacuation and the only things left behind were the furniture that was too heavy to carry. A dresser, an armoire, a table, a bed.  
  
He carries me over to the bed, about to set me down when he gets this frowning, displeased look on his face. He shakes his head.  
  
"Can you stand?"  I nod.  
  
"I'll be right back." He kisses me like a mother seeing her child off to school in the morning. It's oddly endearing.  
  
Before I can ask him where he's going, he's already climbed up onto the windowsill and jumped out, flying into the city again. I hastily make my way to the broken-out window to see what the hell just happened and he's already returning with a bundle of white in his arms.  
  
They're sheets. Bedsheets. Eren just _stole_ _bedsheets_ off a clothesline. Eren _stole_. For me.  
  
"I can't believe you." I can't help but feel my spirits lift at his perpetual thoughtfulness.  
  
"Can't have my Corporal sleeping on dirty sheets. That just won't do."  He smiles at me and makes the bed while I just stand there by the window, dumbstruck. I can't fucking believe this. I'd be smiling if I wasn't on the verge of passing out from the fatigue that hit me like a brick wall the instant I saw the clean bed.

Eren sees me wobble and props me up against his chest to undress me, taking the pack from my shoulders and setting it on the floor with my boots. I collapse onto the bed, legs dangling over the edge, sleep overtaking me the minute my head hits the soft mattress.

 

\---

 

A strange sensation on my skin rouses me from my exhausted sleep. When I open my eyes I see Eren with a pitcher of water and a cloth in his hands.  
  
"Ah, sorry. I was trying not to wake you up. I know how much you hate to be dirty, so I, uh..."  
  
He's fucking _bathing_ me.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Oh... I washed our clothes. Sorry they're still wet. You won't be able to wear them for a while so you should just rest a bit longer."  He wrings out the cloth and dips it into the clean water, taking my foot into his lap to run the cool, damp fabric over my leg.  
  
Shit. We didn't make it out of the cave, did we. I died. I always thought I'd end up in hell. Well, if I have to be dead, I couldn't have hoped for a better ending. Wait, no, that means Eren's dead too. I was supposed to save him.  
  
"Levi, are you okay?" He stops his movements, looking very concerned. The afternoon sun is highlighting the dust motes floating in the room and casting a soft, glowing halo of light around Eren's hair. His green eyes glow in the warm sunlight.  
  
"Am I dead? Did we die?" I didn't think I'd be this sore after I died.  
  
Eren chuckles.  
  
"No, Levi. We made it. Blew up that big-ass plucked chicken that was climbing up the wall. Remember?" His smile is the most beautiful thing in the world.  
  
And then... I do remember. I remember that. I remember the blood and tears on Eren's face. I remember him chained helplessly in that cave. I remember Kenny taunting him, cutting him. I remember not knowing where he was. I remember the way Armin cried, trying to cope with taking his first life while Eren wasn't there. I remember tearing his face off when he fused to his titan. I remember him screaming in defeat, begging for death.  
  
I don't want to do this anymore.  
  
I always thought I was flying on the wings of freedom. I was falling to my own death and dragging him down with me.  
  
I fall.  
  
I fall into the waiting jaws of a titan.  
  
I want nothing more than to be swallowed whole.

 

\---

 

"I'm here, Levi, I'm here. We made it. It's over now, everything's okay. I'm okay. I'm alive. Everyone's alive. I'm here, Levi, I'm not going anywhere." He swallows my fears and I wonder how someone so broken could ever hold me up. Not just me, but the whole of humanity.  
  
No longer strong enough to restrain them, all the thoughts I've been pushing to the back of my mind confront me and my tears stream silently down as he mends me with gentle hands and gentle words.  
  
I've never stopped dreaming of freedom, of escaping the cages called walls. I thought the Survey Corps would give that to me, but they only gave me the tiniest glimpse before dragging me back into the cage, chaining me there in eternal service. I used to be okay with this, it gave me purpose. Besides, if I left the Survey Corps, where would I go? What would I do? They're the only ones who can see the outside world. Without the Corps I'd end up back on the streets, or prison, given my notorious criminal history.  
  
But then came Eren. His fury, his rage, his dedication, his courage, and his unbreakable will filled me with a sense of hope like I'd never felt before. His dream was for freedom, too, and no one could ever dull that desire no matter how hard they tried. Then he became a savior, the first hope mankind had for victory over the titans. And then I loved him.  And I knew. It was him. It will always be him. Hope. Purpose. Freedom. Peace.  
  
Wings.

 

\---

 

This boy, this titan, the sworn enemy of mankind, is watching over me now, comforting me, treating me so delicately. The boy with the fire in his eyes who speaks of killing every last titan. The titan who wants to kill titans. The titan who wants to save humans. Gentle hands that live to spill blood. A contradiction.  
  
It was the humans who were trying to kill me. Trying to kill my men. Killing each other. They never stop. Titans don't kill each other. Who are the monsters in this world?  
  
"I've killed so many people, Eren." He wipes the tears from my face once again. "I don't want to kill anymore."  
  
"You won't. I'll do it for you." His voice is strong.  
  
"I thought you were going to die. I thought you were dead."  
  
"I'm not, though, am I? I'm here. I'm right here."  He takes my hand and places it over his heart. I feel it beating under his warm, soft skin.  
  
I need him.  
  
He's kissing me on the forehead, pressing his palm over the hand that rests over his heart. It's not enough. I need more. I need him to block out the entire world so there's nothing left but him.  No titans, no war, no blood, nothing but Eren alive and here with me.  
  
"Eren," I whisper, not knowing how to ask him, not knowing how to tell him what I need.  
  
He rests his forehead against mine, looking into me. I don't have the words but he understands them anyway, reading them in my eyes.  
  
So he kisses me. Softly, like everything else. Once on the tip of my nose. Then his soft, warm lips are on mine. At first only pressing, long moments of soft touches against my own, soft exhales of warm breath on my face. And then gentle nipping, playful and unhurried.  
  
He pulls my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking lightly on it, and I moan. And then our mouths are open to each other, tasting, exploring, slow, soft. The way his tongue seeks out mine and gently caresses it relaxes my body, melting me into his touch.  
  
He's leaning over me, his hand still holding mine to his heart, and I can feel his pulse start to pick up. Still, he doesn't rush. His touches stay soft even when his body doesn't.  
  
I push him away only enough to separate our lips and I whisper against them.  
  
"Eren. I want you."  
  
His whisper mirrors mine.  
  
"I'm yours."

 

\---

 

He's so gentle with me. It's like he thinks I'm about to break and he's not wrong. Maybe he was a weakness. Would I still be strong right now if I hadn't been worried about losing someone? Would Humanity's Strongest still be worthy of being called human if he forever swore off love?  
  
His fingers are running through my hair, up over my ears, all the way back to massage the tense muscles at the base of my skull, rubbing over the short hair on the back of my head. He always loves touching there. Sometimes he'll start to absentmindedly pet the back of my head and then get embarrassed when I point it out to him. Fucking adorable. I like it when he does that.  
  
His hands continue to apply soothing pressure when they slide forward from behind my head to the front of my shoulders, stopping to knead with his strong hands, thumbs digging into the sorest spot. He continues this way down the length of my body, easing the stress wound up in my knotted muscles.  
  
He's... taking care of me. He was kidnapped, chained, gagged, tormented, begging for death, tasked with saving us all; not just saving his squad from the collapsing cave, but the people of Orvud from the biggest, most horrifying titan anyone has ever seen. On top of all that, he had to see my weakness, he had to see me break down. Yet here he is, staying strong, caring for me as if he hadn't just had the most traumatic day of his life.  
  
I'm going to save him from all that. He shouldn't know suffering.  
  
His lips replace his hands, traveling the same path with warm kisses. My jaw, my neck, my shoulders, my chest. He stops there and my breath hitches when he drags his tongue over a nipple before sealing his mouth over it. He sucks teasingly, flicking his tongue against it, forcing all manner of sounds out of me. I feel him smiling against my skin before he kisses his way to the other side to repeat his actions. I never would have guessed that I'd like that as much as I do.  
  
While he's doing this, his hand is still rubbing up and down my side, squeezing below my ribs, kneading his thumbs into the muscles over my hip when he rests his hand on it for balance, somehow managing to find every point of soreness and tension with uncanny accuracy. I'm sighing, relaxing even more at his careful touch, my hand reaching up to return the favor on his own back.  
  
"Mm, no, just relax. Let me. I've got you," he mumbles into my chest, easing my arm back down to my side. I know he's got me and I want him to have me. I raise my arms above my head in complete submission to him.  
  
I whisper his name and he looks up.  
  
I spread my thighs in invitation, hoping he gets the hint. He does.  
  
He moves across me to reach over the side of the bed, finding my bag on the floor. I temporarily panic when he reaches inside it for the oil, afraid he might notice something new I have hidden in there, at the very bottom under everything else.  I remember that he's learned that I keep it in an outer pocket and the panic subsides. He leans back over onto the bed, bottle in hand.  
  
We meet in another long, sensual kiss, and something about it just feels... Meaningful. Safe.  
  
Eren then sits back on his calves near my feet, continuing to knead my muscles until he reaches the waistband of the only clothing he left on me when he brought me to bed, slowly pulling it off me so that I'm completely bared for him. He reveals himself to me in the same way and my mouth goes dry. No matter how many times I've seen him this way, the sight always leaves me breathless.  
  
He returns his hands to my sore body, paying attention to every muscle from my feet on upward. He stops at my inner thighs, running his fingers along all the dips and curves, tracing the lines where thigh connects to hip, the jut of the bones above, the grooves of the muscles framing my groin.  He reaches for the bottle beside him and pours the oil into his palm, warming it before holding his hand over me, letting the oil spill over and drip down the cleft of my ass.  
  
His fingers are glistening with oil and he makes eye contact with me as he brings them down to my entrance. He already knows I'm his to do with as he pleases yet he still asks for permission. I nod.  
  
He slides his fingertips over it for a while, massaging, only occasionally pressing gently, never entering. His eyes aren't on my face while he does this and somehow that makes me enjoy it even more.  
  
He does look back up to meet my eyes as he slowly eases a finger into me. So slow it's almost torture. I'm giving him control so I hold myself back from bucking my hips up for more.  
  
It's so much slower than he's ever done it before. Everything, every motion and touch he's giving me tonight is slow, like we have all the time in the world. We don't. I let myself forget this reality just for a while. I rest my head back and close my eyes to focus solely on the feeling of him.  
  
It's when I feel him leave me that I look up and open my eyes again only to see him adding more oil to his hand, but not applying it to himself. Is he going to continue? I don't usually need him to do this, and even though I enjoy it, I'm more than ready to feel more of him.  
  
"You don't have to do that."  
  
"I know, but I want to. Tell me if you want me to stop. Okay?"  
  
No, I don't want him to stop. Definitely okay.  
  
Then he's back, easing a second finger into me alongside the first. I can't help but moan at how much I love the sensation. He continues taking his time, rubbing and massaging me so slowly and gently. The way he's handling me so delicately, working me open with utmost care, how he's so gentle, unhurried, and relaxed... I can't comprehend how those same hands have crushed and killed and torn apart, how those soft, loving eyes have burned with pure rage and hatred. Especially how those hands and eyes are now focused completely on consoling me, a killer, a man who has tortured another man more than once, completely unworthy of love.  
  
So he continues in this way, no rush to proceed farther, unconcerned with his own needs. I can't handle this. I don't deserve this. How can he love me like this when I've failed to save him so many times, allowed him to be kidnapped, harmed, subjected to painful experiments, to witness death, to break my promise of always protecting him? How can he harbor no bitterness or resentment for me when I've let all this happen and used him as a weapon in an unwinnable war? I'm here, completely submitting myself to him to do anything he wants, and all he's doing is giving me pleasure, preventing me from feeling pain, doing the exact opposite of what I think I deserve.  
  
I don't know how. I don't even know if he should. I've forgotten how well he can read me because he seems to know exactly what I'm thinking.  
  
"I love you, Levi."  
  
The words are still rare between us, unnecessary when we both have the same understanding, but that just makes them more powerful when they _are_ said. Right now they hit me hard, their impact a punch to the gut that knocks the wind out of me.  
  
"You are all that I love."  And I mean it.  
  
All the attention he's given to my ass has made me overly sensitive, leaving me craving more of him. I feel like he might disappear if I can't feel him inside me, becoming a part of me and grounding me with our connection.  
  
"Eren... More." I have no shame in begging him.  
  
He gives me what I need. He always does. Anything I ask, he gives me without hesitation. All I want is to give him everything in return. I'm going to give him his ocean someday.  
  
Finally, mercifully, he anoints himself with oil, lifts the backs of my thighs to bring my legs astride his hips, and I wrap around him as if my life depended on it.  
  
The feeling of him penetrating me with the same sweet, gentle devotion as all of his other actions is enough to make me swear off all other loyalties. Haven't I already?  
  
I tether myself to him even tighter, my arms around him securing him tightly to my chest. He rests his forehead on mine. We moan in unison as he rocks into me, still taking his time despite the urgency we both feel after the anxiety of the past few days.  
  
Gently tugging his hair, I pull him closer to kiss him, needing every part of him inside me. He dominates our kiss, though not forcefully. His tongue is soft against mine, stroking, caressing, and then he's sucking on it and the sound makes me moan into his mouth.  
  
Our bodies are pressed so tightly together that my leaking cock slides perfectly along the sweaty groove at the center of his muscular abdomen. Every roll of his hips brings me closer to release but I'm not ready for this to end. I don't want it to ever end.  
  
I don't believe in any gods, but sex with Eren is almost enough to convince me that there is one. Only one. A single god with green eyes and golden skin. The only one to ever bless me. The only one I'll ever offer myself to in worship.  
  
When he comes, I come, and he fills me but it's still not enough. I want to drown in him. I need him to own me, to mark me as his territory inside and out.  
  
We catch our breath, panting against each other's sweaty skin. His body heat feels like a blanket of safety around me, the scent of him smells like home. What can I ever possibly give him in return?  
  
Eventually, he moves to withdraw and I don't let him. He's strong but I'm still stronger, and when I capture him with my sturdy legs, he can't escape. Doesn't try to.  
  
" _More_." I have no shame in sounding desperate for him.  
  
I realize that I'm asking too much of him, about to apologize and let him rest a while, but I'm interrupted from that thought when he starts moving again.  
  
Damn teenagers.  
  
It's faster this time and the sound is absolutely filthy. _We_ are absolutely filthy, sweating, dripping, kissing so fervently and lustfully that saliva escapes our open mouths, no part of either of us unsoiled. I think there's nothing purer.  
  
I call out his name over and over and this only drives him on further. Both of us have had our fill of slow, gentle, languid lovemaking, losing ourselves now in something that couldn't be called anything other than fucking. He fucks me into welcome oblivion and I lose my sense of self, unable to tell where I end and he begins.  
  
He slows momentarily, none too gently removing my arm from his back. Sits up. Grips my wrist like a vice. Pins me down with the most devious glare his eyes have ever held. Never releases me from his gaze as he forces my hand down between us to where our bodies are connected.  
  
The instant his pace resumes, I nearly come again. I can feel him entering me, feel his cock sliding between my fingers, feel him leaking out of me with every thrust. At the same time I can feel him inside me, stretching me, rubbing me from inside, the two different sensations pushing me closer and closer to the inevitable. I can see him, feel him all around me, hear him pant and sigh and moan, inhale his scent, taste him on my lips.  
  
When he reaches his hand down to my soaking wet cock, slippery with a mixture of our sweat and my own fluids, I only last one firm stroke of his burning hand before I'm coming across my own chest. I don't even realize I'm chanting his name until he shouts, drowning out my voice, throbbing inside me over and over, filling me again. He's still crying out until the moment he collapses onto me, spent in an entirely different way than we were earlier today.  
  
Is it tomorrow? I want it to be today for a little while longer.  
  
For once I don't mind sleeping in filth and we let ourselves drift off until we wake up and regret that decision.

 

\---

 

It's completely dark when we wake and neither of us is sure how much time has passed. I don't want his warmth to leave me when he assures me again that he'll be right back.  
  
He returns once more with clean water and clean cloth, having already cleaned himself, insisting on taking the responsibility of caring for me... Again. How can anyone, _anything at all_ in this cruel world possibly be so good?  
  
As I lay there in the dark, relishing the sensation of his once again gentle touch as he absolves me of filth for the thousandth time today, we speak quietly to each other, completely at peace.  
  
"I failed you."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?" He looks up at me but doesn't stop smoothing the cloth over my skin.  
  
"I didn't protect you. I let all of that happen to you because I made the wrong choice."  
  
Now he tosses the towel aside and I can tell he's peeved.  
  
"First of all, no. I wouldn't be alive without you. I'm not even talking about today. I would have been sliced up by the Military Police if you hadn't convinced them to hand me over to you."  
  
I don't want to be reminded of that. It does nothing to lessen my guilt even if he is right. I don't know how to answer.  
  
"Look. I've wanted to fight with the Survey Corps for as long as I can remember. I watched you come back after every expedition and dreamed of being just like you. Levi, you're my hero. You were back then and you are now. I love you."  
  
I hear those words for a second time today. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve him.  
  
"I love you. I won't let you down again."  
  
"I don't expect perfection, Levi. We don't know what's going to happen and you might not be able to do anything about it. I don't expect that of you. I'll love you even if you can't protect me."  He settles down to lay his head against my chest, kissing me under my chin.  
  
I will not let him down even if he says he doesn't expect it. I plan on taking him away from all this. I don't want to do anything else but stand by his side in complete freedom.  
  
He sighs.  
  
"Levi?"  
  
"Hm."  
  
"Remember the night you took my virginity?"  
  
Another memory with mixed emotions. I've finally been able to fully mourn my lost comrades in the time since then, so the memory is far less painful than it was.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"I was so scared after..."  He doesn't say it. I wonder how it is for him? Does he still grieve for them?  
  
"... But then when I was with you, I felt so... safe. I felt... right? Like I belonged with you. Like I could do anything if you were with me. I actually felt at peace for the first time since..." He hesitates to say it again. "... since everything that happened five years ago."  
  
So it wasn't just me. I never asked.  
  
"I felt the same, you know. When we joined together I felt complete. And safe. And everything like you said. And..."  Do I tell him this? I don't think he knows. He never asked either.  
  
"It was mine too."  
  
"Your what?"  
  
I wait for him to figure it out so I don't have to explain.  
  
"Wait..." He darts straight up in bed, looking at me in disbelief. "You don't mean...?"  
  
"Go to sleep."  
  
" _Levi!!!_ "  
  
"I said sleep, Eren."

 

\---

 

He does eventually fall asleep in a huff after giving up in frustration. I never answered him, only chuckling at his frustrated pleading and questioning, kissing him on his hand or on his mouth to shut him up, which irritated him even more. I would have felt bad about teasing him like that but his reactions are always so amusing to me. Maybe I'll apologize in the morning.  
  
Sleep eludes me, though. I sit up in bed, caressing his warm skin while he sleeps, watching his sleeping face, stroking his soft, perpetually messy hair, engaged in an internal argument with myself.  
  
At some point, regrettably, I leave his side to sit across the room to allow myself to think more clearly without the distraction of having him next to me. He's a welcome distraction, but this is something I can't take lightly. I need to detach from emotions for a while.  
  
I stare out at the night sky, allowing all those those little creeping thoughts and hopeful, impossible plans to solidify in the front of my mind. No matter how long I think about it, all of it comes to a clear choice.  
  
We have one chance. Nothing I've been planning is truly certain to work. The only thing I _am_ certain about is that I need to try. I'm sure of it. I've gone over every scenario, every little detail, and it's decided. Right? It's a gamble, but... Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  
  
Yes, it's decided. I'm going to tell him when he wakes up.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for the past. From here on out we'll see them only in the present.
> 
> Another note: The choppy, broken-up sections are supposed to represent Levi kinda losing his shit. But... Does that make it hard to read? Feedback? 
> 
> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos, commenting, bookmarking, all that good stuff... You are amazing. Thanks for the encouragement!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone who can't sacrifice anything can never change anything.

 

  
Erwin has abundant time to think on his ride back to the abandoned village where the former Squad Levi is stationed for the night. The constant thundering of hooves becomes hypnotic and does nothing to drown out the voices in his head.  
  
He knew Levi had been acting strangely. He was even more secretive than usual, giving answers that were curt even for Levi. He was spending more time glued to Eren's side and going so far as to publicly display physical acts of affection for him. Erwin had already deduced the nature of their relationship but up until recently they had always kept it hidden. He was still a good distance away from the group, on his way to rejoin them after their escape from the cave, but even at that range there was no mistaking the identity of the pair sharing a long kiss in front of everyone.

The way Eren took off with Levi immediately after the operation in Orvud District, showing neither hide nor hair of themselves until the day of the coronation should have made it obvious to everyone if the kiss hadn't already. He'd always known Levi to be a fiercely private man and for him to reveal such things in public would have previously been unthinkable. Something was definitely off.  
  
It was when he revealed to Levi the information obtained from Ymir shortly after the operation in Orvud that Erwin knew for certain that something wasn't right. He knew that Levi was planning something in regards to the pursuit of Braun and Hoover, that much was simple. The conclusion he drew based on his obvious attachment to Eren was that he was going to let Eren kill the two shifters instead of allowing them to be captured. It would be more useful to capture and question Braun and Hoover, but death would have been just as acceptable an outcome. If Eren wanted revenge, Erwin would have let it slide. He never thought that Levi would have planned to desert the military and run off beyond the walls with his young lover.  
  
Erwin was angry, he felt betrayed, was set on performing his duty and arresting them, taking them back as prisoners to be tried for treason. Except... Erwin had been thinking a lot about mercy and compassion after his disturbing encounter with Commander-in-Chief Zackley. Levi was his friend. Eren was an eager, honest, dedicated member of the Survey Corps. Truthfully, he was very fond of them both and trusted them implicitly. He had no reason not to.  
  
So when he saw the look of desperation come over Levi as he begged him for mercy, when he saw how protective he was over Eren, when he saw the ring... He couldn't. He couldn't do that to Levi. He would never be able to live with himself for causing those deaths even if they were justified in the eyes of the law. He owed them for everything they'd done for humanity. He would grant them the freedom that dead men would never have. He would not take love away from Levi like he had all those years ago. Most of all, he wouldn't regret it.  
  
He swore to himself to change. He would still fight for humanity, but he would give in to his own compassion and not throw away lives so recklessly. He would become a merciful man.

 

\---

 

 Armin and Mikasa kept watch all night on top of the tower. Not a single signal flare was ever fired. It wasn't until dawn was just beginning to break that they finally saw something on the horizon. A figure shadowed in the dim glow of the rising sun.  
  
It was Commander Erwin and three horses with empty saddles.

\---

  
  
Eren charges across the stretch of land separating them from the approximated location of the titan shifter's homeland with a speed that horses could never match, his giant strides reverberating over the emptiness of the landscape that humanity was forced to abandon a century ago. Along with him was Levi...  
  
... Comfortably secured in the shell of Eren's giant, pointed ear.  
  
It was a solution to the problems of titan-riding that they worked out together. Eren had learned to carry Levi without harming him but riding on a titan was still incredibly risky. Levi didn't want to ride in Eren's hand because he would need it to fight, and he couldn't stay balanced on Eren's shoulder. Eren thought it would be safest to carry Levi in his mouth, promising not to bite him in half or swallow him. That idea was promptly shot down.  
  
It was Eren who came up with the idea of Levi riding in his ear. It was comfortable for both of them, Eren not having to worry about crushing Levi and Levi not having to worry about falling off of Eren and getting trampled. It was easier for Levi to communicate with him that way, it kept Eren's hands free, and it was much less jostling than riding anywhere else on his body. It took some convincing, though.  
  
Of course, Eren had to first convince Levi that riding in his ear wasn't unhygienic. Titan ears are surprisingly clean and after a thorough inspection Levi gave his approval. The tricky part was figuring out how to reduce the risk of Levi falling out if Eren shook his head or tipped over too far. The solution to that was for Levi to fence himself in with his blades, handle-side in. This required Levi to stab them through the flesh of Eren's ear, which would then heal instantly and hold them in place. Eren assured him it didn't hurt. Laughed when he called them titan earrings.  
  
And so, here they are. Wind whipping past them, ground quaking, drawing nearer and nearer to their goal. Levi talks to Eren the whole time and Eren replies when necessary, either with a nod, a hand gesture, a strange noise that isn't quite speech, writing on the ground when he has more to say than just 'yes' or 'no'. The communication is essential. Levi needs to know when Eren is about to lose control.  
  
He hasn't had to kill many titans so far. Most of them have been smaller than 8 meters, Eren easily knocking their heads off without even having to slow down. The titan population out here is much less dense than it is near the walls. Both of them assumed it would be crawling with them. Neither of them are complaining.

It's hard to tell exactly how close they are to their destination, but at their current pace it seems like they're making good time. However, they need to be careful to stop somewhere safe before Eren becomes exhausted. Eren emerges every hour or so and they fill their canteens if there's water nearby, eat a little from their rations if they're hungry, mark their territory on a couple of trees, and then continue on. Eren's energy level seems pretty stable but it's not worth the risk of having him lose consciousness.  
  
Eventually they do have to make camp for the night, both agreeing to err on the side of caution. Eren can traverse great distances quickly as a titan. Eren can defend them from attacking titans without expending their finite supply of gas and blades. Eren can't do anything if he's passed out from too many transformations or disabled from fusing with his titan flesh because he spent too much time inside it. Besides, they have a massive head start on Erwin and it can't be too much farther now. They should be able to afford a little break as long as they don't linger excessively.  
  
That night they fall asleep to the pure, unsoiled sounds of nature. Crickets, cicadas, nocturnal birds, the soothing lull of a babbling brook. The sound of freedom.

  
\---

  
Erwin's arrival is met with stunned silence. Everyone ran outside as soon as they heard the approaching horses, shouting in excitement, confident that their strong and trustworthy Commander would have found Levi and Eren for sure.  
  
That was until they saw that the horses were bereft of riders.  
  
Not a word was spoken as Erwin approached Armin and Mikasa, solemnly handing each of them the last remnants of Eren Yeager's existence.  
  
A cloak. A key.  
  
Erwin refused to outright lie to them. He would say nothing and let them come to their own conclusions, true or otherwise.  
  
The only sound that could be heard was the wailing grief of the pair from Shiganshina.

\---

  
Levi and Eren camped out that night in a peaceful stretch of forest. Well, peaceful at least after Eren joyously dismembered the several sluggish titans hovering around the area. There was a shallow creek running through the woods and there was no way they'd pass up a gorgeous view and clean water. The cleanest water they'd ever seen, actually.  
  
True to character, the first thing Levi wanted to do when he woke up was bathe in that crystal clear water. He was hungry, though, and decided to see if he could forage anything else to eat besides the horrible military rations they had with them. The rations would last without spoiling and they were in a lush forest full of life, so why not see what nourishment nature has to offer? Levi went on ahead without Eren after telling him he was going to have a bath. Eren usually likes to sleep in anyway.  
  
Except this time, Eren's in the mood for a bath himself. He's also in the mood to surprise Levi with even _nicer_ bath.  
  
One of the things that Levi insisted on stocking up on before they left the walls was soap. Fancy soap. Lots of it. Eren loves all of Levi's little quirks and quietly laughs to himself when he recalls that conversation about the soap. He's sure Levi would enjoy his bath even more if it included his two favorite things.  
  
He locates the bag that he thinks he remembered seeing Levi packing the soap in, tipping it over and digging around inside it clumsily until he realizes there's no soap. Must have been the wrong bag. In his blind and careless rummaging he'd managed to knock a few things out of the bag. Some cartons of ammunition for their hunting rifle. A case holding several flares. One half of a pair of smuggled pistols from the underground. Extra flints and matches.  
  
And a black box that he _didn't_ remember seeing Levi pack. A black box he's seen before.  
  
Eren picks up the slim black case and freezes. His heart begins to race as cold sweat chills his tingling skin. If he wasn't sitting motionless on the uncomfortably rocky ground beneath the floor of their tent, he would think that he had just run fifty laps around the castle like he used to do every morning after he joined the Survey Corps. Except, he doesn't know. He can't tell castle from camp right now. He's somewhere very far away, his thoughts starting to blur into black and materialize again into a familiar scene.  
  
With shaking hands, he slowly raises the hinged lid of the case. He nearly drops the delicate object inside as his hands fall limp to his sides, head spinning and lungs gasping for air.  
  
He's in a dark forest. His father is there and he's crying. They're both crying. His father is removing a shining object from a slim black case and holding it up in the air in front of him. A glistening drop of liquid oozes up from the pointed end of the object and rolls down the... the... it's a needle. It's a needle and he screams and cries as his father frantically grabs his wrist, yanking his arm out straight, tearfully choking out an endless stream of apologies.  
  
Then there's a sharp pain. The needle pricks his skin. Fire flows through his veins and consumes his entire body as he sees the ground travel farther and farther away from him. His father... he doesn't hear his father anymore. He's screaming, crying, not recognizing his own voice when he looks down and sees...  
  
"Eren, are you hungry? Look what I got us fo-"  
  
Levi has drawn back the flap of the tent only to drop the rabbit he was raising up to show Eren. He's not hungry for breakfast anymore when he sees Eren sitting back on his legs, trembling body slumped and limp in front of him. Eren's back is to Levi so he can't see his face, his own falling into an expression of panic.  
  
"Eren! Oi, Eren! Look at me!"  
  
He bolts to Eren's side, shaking him and calling his name, trying to get his attention. Eren suddenly seizes up, draws a fast, shuddering breath, and whips his head around to face Levi, tears welling up in his eyes. He wipes them with his sleeve before Levi crouches down in front of him to examine him.  
  
That's when Levi notices what Eren is holding in his hand.  
  
Levi's eyes widen in horror; he hadn't planned on telling Eren about that yet. That's why he'd hidden it in the bag filled with extra ammunition and other miscellaneous non-essential items, thinking that they wouldn't need to use them for a while so Eren would have no reason to look inside.  
  
"Levi," Eren's weak, wavering voice questions him. "Why do you have this? Where did you get this?"  
  
"Kenny."

In the blink of an eye Eren's apprehension explodes into anger.  
  
"What the fuck do you need this for? You should have just destroyed it, smashed it against some rocks or something, I don't know, you shouldn't even have this! Levi, answer me!"  
  
Levi is no stranger to Eren's shouting, in fact, sometimes he wonders if Eren remembers how to speak in a lower volume at all. What he isn't used to is Eren shouting at him in anger. His blood turns to ice in his veins and he knows he's fucked up.  
  
He gently retrieves the box from Eren's hand, closing it and setting it aside. Eren looks furious but his bottom lip is wobbling as he pinches it between his teeth.  
  
"Why do you think we're going after Reiner and Bertholdt? We need to get answers. We need to know exactly what this is. Even if we're never going to use it for humanity's benefit, we need information from them to find out why they did what they did. They know something we don't. Eren, look at me, stop!"  
  
Eren looks like he's about to chew his lip clean off. His head is now hanging down, staring at the shaking fists clenched over his knees. He needs to read Eren's expression. He needs to know what to do now. He reaches out his hand to cup Eren's cheek, but Eren angrily slaps it away.  
  
"I need some air. I'm going outside."  
  
Eren brushes past Levi, shoving against his shoulder in a way that seems almost intentional, not giving Levi a second look as he exits the tent. Levi is still kneeling, stunned, listening to Eren's heavy footsteps crunching over gravel and leaves and disappearing somewhere into the surrounding woods.  
  
Fuck.

\---

A darkness hung over the abandoned village that day.  
  
Nobody fought. Nobody spoke. Nobody even had the will to eat, even Sasha.  
  
Erwin is the only one to break the silence.  
  
"We'll camp here for two days. We will complete this mission. Rest up because we have a long ride ahead of us."  
  
No one at the table looks up in acknowledgement.  
  
Erwin doesn't fight his own internal guilt over the situation, though it is diminished slightly when he reminds himself of the promise he made not just to Eren and Levi but to himself as well. He owes it to them. Erwin will not dwell on it further.

 

\---

  
Mikasa and Armin have not joined the others since Erwin's return. They returned to the tower, still standing watch over the far-off mountain range as if they'll see Eren running towards them safe and sound if only they looked hard enough.  
  
The exhausted pair's tears have subsided, no energy left to cry.  
  
"Eren was acting strange." Mikasa's monotone whisper sounds almost deafening against the undisturbed quiet.  
  
"I noticed it too." Armin's tears may have dried but his voice still wavers with deep sadness.  
  
"I heard him telling Levi that he would miss us."  
  
"That night around the fire?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"He told me he loved me and thanked me for everything I'd done for him."  
  
"He was saying goodbye."  
  
"I just thought he was going to... He and Levi... I never thought he would... He can't. He can't be..."  
  
Armin's sentence breaks off. He sniffles. Hiccups. Mikasa wraps her arm around his stuttering shoulders, throwing Eren's cape around them both as they lean their heads together, seeking comfort in each other. A single tear trickles from the corner of Mikasa's eye as she grits out pained, defiant words with the last of her strength:  
  
"He's alive."    
  
Armin sobs deeply within his chest, his body convulsing while he fingers the smooth brass key in his palm, warm as always but with the wrong body's heat.

 

\---

 

Levi finds Eren up in a tree, back turned to him, swinging his legs over the branch he's perched on. How'd he get up there without his gear? Oh, right, Eren grew up above ground. A place where there were trees. He probably climbed. He doesn't ponder long over what his childhood would have been like if he climbed trees for fun instead of facing off with men three times his size in knife fights for money.

\---

 

  
Jean startles everyone when, without warning, he darts up from his seat, knocking over his chair, pushing the entire table askew. He stalks over to the door, slamming it open with a grunt and storming out without a word.  
  
Sasha and Connie trade worried glances, lips drawn tight on distressed faces, Sasha on the verge of tears. Connie heaves a stressed sigh, hanging his head in his hands.  
  
Erwin watches Jean from where he's leaned up against the barn. He watches Jean taking his anger out on a tree, kicking, punching, sending bark flying out around him. He hears the grunts and growls and poorly-disguised whimpers coming from between the young man's grinding teeth. He hears how Jean shouts and how it echoes through the long-dead village.  
  
"Suicidal bastard! I _told_ him not to get killed! It's just like him not to listen! Fuck you, Yeager!"  
  
He sees Jean wipe his eyes with his sleeve, trailing a streak of red from his bloodied knuckles across his cheek as he does so.  
  
Erwin suddenly feels very old and very tired.

\---

  
  
Levi ascended the tree the old-fashioned way, Eren pointedly ignoring him the entire time. When he sat down on the branch next to Eren, who was sitting with arms crossed and jaw clenched in anger, Eren didn't even look over.  
  
He knows why he's getting the cold shoulder. Eren is mad at him. He understands. Doesn't mean he likes it. Still knows he deserves it. Humanity's biggest coward. They're so close to everything, to freedom, to peace, to finally knowing what secrets the hidden society of titan shifters have been keeping all this time, they're _so close_!  
  
They're so close and Levi is berating himself for fucking it all up. For Eren having to find that. For Eren having to find out this way. He still isn't even sure if it's possible and he'd hoped he would be able to confirm things before having to tell Eren about the last phase of his plan.  
  
He doesn't know how this will turn out.  
  
Levi's heart pangs with guilt and regret and fear. He sits in silence next to the most important person in his life, silently gathering his strength for the conversation he knows he can't put off any longer.  
  
He's feared this moment from the beginning.  
  
"Eren... We need to talk," Levi mutters in a voice weak with fear and guilt. Eren said Armin had once told him that someone who couldn't sacrifice their humanity would never have the power to change things. Armin is wise beyond his years. Now he hopes beyond hope that Eren took Armin's words to heart.  
  
Eren finally turns to look at Levi, fearful eyes betraying the anger on his face. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Levi's stomach twists.  
  
"Yeah, I think we do." Despite the fear in his eyes, there's still an edge of that visible anger present in his voice.  
  
Levi lets out a long breath, running his fingers back through his still-unwashed hair. This is not how he wanted to start his day. He would have rather fought an entire army of abnormals than have this conversation under these circumstances.  
  
His own fault. Time to take responsibility. Time to stop keeping secrets from Eren. _Guilt_.  
  
"That thing... That's what makes a human into a titan."  
  
"Wow, I didn't know that, Levi! Tell me more!" Eren's hurt sarcasm cuts Levi deeply. He doesn't blame Eren, he had this coming to him and he knows it. He winces and looks away.  
  
"Well, when a human becomes a titan shifter, they gain certain abilities, correct?"  
  
"What's your point?"  
  
"You, for example, can regrow your limbs and heal your body much faster than a human could. As a titan, you're stronger than any human could ever be. Faster. Nearly invincible. Never need to eat. Never need to drink. You could build a house in less than a day, I saw you do it. You can transform at will and return to being a human whenever you want."  
  
"And? You think I _like_ being a monster?"  
  
That word is another blow to Levi's chest. That memory will never fade.  
  
"I called you that." _Guilt_.  
  
"I remember."  
  
"Then do you remember why I called you a monster?"  
  
"You said it was because nobody can force my will into submission."  
  
"That's right. That's why I fell in love with you, you know."  
  
Levi turns to Eren, desperately seeking his eyes. After a long moment of frustrated stubbornness, Eren finally relents, meeting Levi's, soft, emotion-heavy gaze, dropping his shoulders down and sighing in defeat.  
  
"Eren. Do you want to spend the rest of your life out here with me? Because that's what I want."  
  
Eren is confused by the sudden change in topic, annoyance replacing his previous anger. He throws his arms out to the side in irritation, dramatically gesturing to Levi what he thinks of his question.  
  
"Isn't that obvious?" Eren holds up his hand with his palm facing him, making an exaggerated display of showing Levi the ring on his finger.  
  
Levi takes that raised hand, curls his own fingers around Eren's, kisses his knuckles. Rubs his thumb over the warm metal band. Looks back into the green eyes he loves more than anything else.  
  
"I need to hear you say it."  
  
"Levi, I'm giving up everything I've ever known so I can spend my life with you. I want the same as you do."  
  
Levi closes his eyes. Slowly, shakily, he inhales. Please, please. Please. Opens them. Looks directly into Eren's. _Please_.  
  
"Then I want to make a sacrifice for the same reason you did."  
  
"You left everything behind with me. What more can you _possibly_ sa-"  
  
"My humanity."  
  
"I don't understand what you're getting at."  
  
"Eren. I want to become a titan."  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a thing for religious symbolism, okay. I can't help myself.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

 

"Eren. I want to become a titan."

Eren's reaction is instantaneous, completely catching Levi off guard. Eren's face is contorted in anger, teeth bared, eyes as ablaze with rage just as they were when Levi first saw him in the courthouse dungeon long ago.

Eren's fist swings back to deliver a blow to the vulnerable man sitting beside him. The man he loves. The who man does not flinch, only closes his eyes in acceptance, awaiting the punishment he knows he deserves.

Seeing Levi's display of submission, of anticipating the the blow, welcoming the force of his hurt and anger in complete acceptance, Eren softens. His fist drops.

Levi does not move. He still waits for the redemption that the pain of Eren's fist connecting with his face will deliver to him. It never comes. He's disappointed.

As his eyes slowly flutter open in confusion, Eren's never stray from Levi's face. Levi looks repentant, guilty. Eren's throat constricts, his vision blurs, and he draws a shuddering, uneasy breath before Levi addresses him.

"Do it if you need to," Levi mutters with a voice free of aggression, a voice soft with understanding and all of the guilt visible in his soft, stormy eyes.

Eren draws another strained breath, composing himself. Ashamed of giving in to his own anger and impulsive nature. Ashamed that he intended to cause his beloved pain because he himself felt pain. He lost himself to his emotions like he always seems to do.

"Levi," Eren pleads. "Why?"

Levi has been asking himself why ever since he met Eren. Why he was fighting. Why has humanity never advanced? Why were human beings the ones killing each other, hurting each other, using each other, lying and deceiving and fighting for position in the same world they all lived in? Why did they never stop? Why didn't they unify, why not come together to aid each other in a shared struggle for freedom? Why didn't they even _care_?

And that's when he realized he was wrong. He thought humanity was always in the right. He then understood that there were no facts, only interpretations.

He had believed humanity was nobler than the creatures who held them captive. He fought in the name of noble humanity, sworn to eliminate every last one of those creatures. The creatures who lived at peace with each other and never tried to enter the human society to attack them.

They did attack humans, that much is undeniable, but it was never a one-sided fight. The Survey Corps always entered titan society determined to kill them as well.

Most titans were mindless beasts, but what of the others? The ones who held intelligence and had some hidden purpose, a conviction so great as to cause them to attack the last bastion of humanity? Why were some mindless, instinctual creatures, why were others abnormal, and why were the humans who could freely choose which body they inhabited so determined?

He hopes they will find answers. That is, if Eren still wants to. Levi fears that he's gone too far, damaged Eren's trust so much that it might never be mended. Eren may even want to abandon this chance at freedom and if he does, Levi will let him. He will bear the responsibility and consequences of his actions.

"Eren," he whispers, hesitantly raising his hand to cup Eren's cheek. The hand of Humanity's Strongest Soldier is shaking, his mask of indifference shattered in front of the only man to ever see him in this state. His thumb gently strokes the soft skin of the face he fears he may never see again.

"I don't understand," Eren's voice cracks out. "Why would you ever want something so horrible? Why would you want to be like _this_?"

Levi once again addresses Eren with the same softness and love.

"Do you still trust me?"

Eren nods.

"Have I ever made a decision lightly? Have I not always considered the costs and made the choice I thought was right?"

Eren gives Levi the whole of his attention. The corners of his lips are downturned, tears welling up in his questioning green eyes.

"I would not have pursued this if I didn't think it was worth it. This was not a rash decision. Will you hear me out?"

Eren nods again, this time leaning his head against Levi's strong shoulder. Levi relaxes at this, feeling somewhat reassured. He sighs, focusing his spinning thoughts into what he hopes is an understandable explanation.

He kisses the top of Eren's head and leans his cheek against it before speaking.

"All I ever wanted was freedom. I wanted to escape the filthy cage I was born into. When I met you and learned that you wanted the same, I was determined more than ever to fight for it. To have you by my side to explore the free world together."

"I've been fighting titans for a long time, Eren. They're always the same. They're an enemy humanity can't even begin to compete with. They always have the advantage. And do you know why?"

Eren shakes his head no, tickling Levi's face with downy strands of wild hair. Levi smooths them over with his hand but it's a futile attempt. Eren's hair refuses to be tamed.

"Because they're free."

Eren stiffens. Looks up at Levi, confusion written all over him.

"Have you never thought about it? Humans are eternal slaves. They need food, they need rest, they need clothing, they need jobs and money and homes. Humans get sick and die. Titans don't."

Eren had honestly never considered it. He'd never thought of anything but killing titans, all of them, every last one. Never bothered to truly ponder their nature and existence. He only hated them and that was always enough.

"What do titans do when we aren't around? They don't fight with each other. They only seem to attack titans who have more humanity than they do."

Eren swallows loudly, head swimming with dawning realization.

"And what of humans? We seek out titans to kill them. That's self-defense. Humans also kill other humans. They kill both friend and foe alike. Humans aren't peaceful."

Levi grasps Eren by the shoulders, pushing him away to look into his eyes, speaking clearly and directly to assure he won't be misheard.

"Humans will never obtain peace. They'll never live in peace with each other or with the titans. Only titans can survive in the freedom of the outside world. Do you understand?"

Eren opens his mouth to speak but is lost for words. His mouth opens and closes again and he furrows his brows, unable to express himself. He had never seen things from that perspective. Now that he has, his whole world has turned upside down.

"You're nearly invincible as a titan. I could live by your side as a human out here, but who's to say how long I'd even survive? I don't stand a chance without your titan abilities. I don't know how I've even lived this long. I realized that I could join you. Best of both worlds. We could have a chance this way."

"That's why I wanted to get to Reiner and Bertholdt first. I wanted to know what secrets they were keeping. And... I wanted to know if they could make me like them. Like you. I was going to ask if they could make that drug for me, like the one Historia had in the cave. Then when I got that thing from Kenny... I thought it was a sign. Just like how we got sent on this mission right after planning our escape. It was too convenient. I want to taste freedom so badly, Eren."

Eren hasn't said a word. He looks overwhelmed. Levi still worries. He needs to know what Eren is thinking. He needs reassurance. The suspense is too much.

"Eren. Talk to me."

"I hate them. They ruined my life. I want to kill them," Eren growls.

"I know." _That's it_ , Levi thinks to himself, hanging his head, looking away. _That's it, I fucked up, this is over_.

"But I want freedom more."

Levi's head darts back up to look at Eren, eyes wide, tense with anticipation. He knows better than to entertain false hopes, but what if...?

"I don't want you to be a monster like me. You don't know what it's like."

Fuck. Levi swallows his disappointment, clearing his features of emotion to hide his pain.

"...It's just that... you're right."

Levi feels like he's being spun through the air by his gear, ups and downs and sharp turns, but not knowing where he'll land.

"I never thought about it that way. Maybe... Maybe that _is_ the only way to survive out here. I mean, you're completely right. We wouldn't need to eat or sleep. We wouldn't need medicine or doctors. I can control other titans somehow so we probably wouldn't even have to fight. But you see what happens to me when I'm a titan for too long. What if we get stuck that way forever? Ymir got stuck like that for 60 years!"

Levi _has_ considered that. It was really the least of his worries, thinking that they could keep each other in check as long as they could both maintain consciousness. He always knows when to cut Eren out and Eren could learn the same. Eren could teach him how to be a titan, just like he learned through practice.

"That's one of the things I want to find out from them. That's why I don't want you to kill them. I'm sorry. I'm selfish. I know you want revenge, but I want a future with you." Levi wants it so bad. They're so close, too. He never thought he'd be this close to touching his impossible dream, an even better dream now that Eren's here with him.

"It's up to you, Eren. I won't go against you. I can find another way." He really doesn't want to find another way when this seems so promising.

"Is this something you're really willing to do?"

Levi answers without hesitation.

"Yes."

Eren searches Levi's eyes for a fraction of a second before he pulls his face forward with both hands, joining their lips in a soft kiss.

"I trust you." Eren continues to hold Levi's face securely in both hands as he says this, looking directly into his eyes with complete sincerity. Levi feels relief wash over him as the burden of his guilt and fear are lifted from him.

"Now how about that bath?" Eren's warm smile makes Levi damn near melt and he has to be careful not to fall out of the tree. He's never experienced anything as good and true as Eren in his entire life.

"How are you real?"

Eren laughs at this, making Levi's heart soar even higher.

"I guess that's a yes then. I'll go get the soap." Eren somehow manages to scoot away and dangle himself from the branch, swinging momentarily before landing on the ground on his feet. Levi is in awe.

He doesn't attempt a repeat of Eren's acrobatic performance. He already has an injured ankle and can't heal himself instantly like Eren can... _yet_. He makes his way down the tree the same way he came, and just as he reaches the ground, Eren yells.

" _WHY IS THERE A DEAD RABBIT IN OUR TENT?!_ "

 

\---

 

The mood at Squad Levi's camp is still somber. They're seasoned soldiers, all of them have experienced death even before they enlisted, but never did they ever believe they'd lose Eren and Corporal Levi. It doesn't seem possible. No one can really believe it. No one wants to believe it.

It's getting to be a bit too much for some of them. Sasha in particular is having a hard time enduring everyone's melancholy state. She can't dwell on it any longer or she might lose her courage to fight.

Nobody had eaten the day before and Sasha is determined to cheer everyone up the best way she knows how.

Sasha strides confidently out into the empty field surrounding the barn they've camped out in. She's not sure what she'll be able to catch on such a wide stretch of flat land, but she's always had good luck when it comes to hunting. Maybe there's a grazing deer somewhere out there.

Jean is sitting on the ground outside the barn, picking at something near his foot with a knife. Or maybe he's just stabbing the ground. It's hard to tell. Whatever he's doing is apparently important enough that he doesn't even look up when Sasha walks past.

Connie is out in the field with his horse and Sasha hears him talking to it. She'd seen Corporal Levi do the same thing so many times. She bites her lip at the memory and continues on, scoping out the landscape for any sign of something that she can warm everyone's hearts and stomachs with.

Suddenly her attention is drawn to the sky by a flock of honking geese flapping overhead, oblivious to the human presence from the safety of the sky. She reaches behind her head for her bow and realizes she's left it on the supply wagon. She'll just have to improvise.

In the blink of an eye, Sasha fires a grapple from her 3DMG into the air and retracts it. Even without her bow, her aim is true and now everyone will at least be able to have a little meat today. She gives a victorious little jump before she removes the goose from the end of her wire.

"I'm sorry. Thank you," She whispers, expressing her gratitude to the creature in a soft, sincere voice and then quickly dispatches the goose. She looks a little sad but soon returns to her task, snatching one more bird from the sky, this time from a greater distance. Again she can be heard thanking the animal for its sacrifice.

Sasha gathers her bounty and turns to return to the barn, but nearly trips over her own feet when she's startled by a shout from behind her.

"Holy shit!" Connie is wide-eyed with amazement, hand on top of his shaved head in disbelief.

Even Jean has looked up from his serious task of puncturing the ground, wearing the same amazed look as his squad mate.

"Oh my god, Jean, did you see that? She's amazing! Sasha, _holy shit_!"

Sasha blushes at the praise, giving a shy little curtsey before flashing a wide smile at the two boys who are about to have the best dinner ever.

 

\---

 

Eren is the first to spot the smoke in the distance. The type of controlled smoke that can only mean one thing: Civilization. He grunts and points an oversized finger in the direction of the hazy plume lazily drifting up into the sky. Levi confirms.

"That's it."

Eren brings his massive hand up to his ear, allowing Levi to step onto it, bags and blades in tow. He delicately lowers Levi to the ground. As soon as the man hops off, Eren steps aside, careful not to crush Levi as his enormous titan body assumes a prone position. Levi helps to carefully disconnect the bands of muscle from Eren's overheated skin when he begins to emerge from the disgusting, steaming titan flesh.

They will need to walk the rest of the way. Levi has a feeling that it wouldn't go over too well if the village full of titan shifters was greeted with Eren's familiar titan form charging in their direction.

 

\---

 

The closer they get to the secluded mountain village, the more amazed they are at the unbelievable sight before them.

The village is much larger than they'd anticipated. It's not run-down and neglected like any of the other villages they've passed out in the free territory. It's almost as if they were inside the walls again, observing one of the many bustling cities inhabited by humans, except this city is most likely inhabited by humans who are also titans.

They're about to face the unknown. Eren might encounter the friends who betrayed him. This may even be the last time he experiences a fully-human Levi. That, or they may just get slaughtered by the villagers before they can even say hello. It's a lot to take in.

"Are you okay?" Levi reaches out to squeeze Eren's hand.

"I'm okay."

This is a pivotal moment for Levi, a moment of immense importance. He's not certain what will happen once the inhabitants of the titan shifter hometown see the two former Survey Corps members. It probably won't be a warm welcome even if Eren isn't in titan form.

Levi stops. He lets go of Eren's hand and raises both of his to unclasp his cloak. He flings it off of his shoulders, letting it cascade out behind him, tumbling and flapping in the wind, coming to rest upon the dusty ground. He doesn't turn back to look at the wings of freedom he's just shed. He grabs Eren's hand again.

"Eren. I love you."

Eren smiles and squeezes Levi's hand and they make their way to the village together.

 

\---

 

Eren and Levi stand under a tree at the mouth of the populated village, not daring to reveal themselves just yet. They observe their surroundings, taking in the faces of the people there, faces old and young alike. There are shops and homes, old men sitting at a table under a tree playing a game of chess. It's all so very human-like. No one seems to notice them and they're thankful for it.

Then Levi spots him. There's no mistaking that figure leaning in an open doorway. That gentle giant with the deep brown hair, the sleepy eyes and slanting nose, the most unassuming and kind looking man you'd ever see. And to think, he's the 60 meter monstrosity that brought war to the walls and caused countless deaths when he was just ten years old. At least they know they're in the right place.

"Eren." Levi nudges his own titan shifter's arm, motioning in the direction of the relaxed, smiling Bertholdt Hoover standing just meters away from them.

Levi doesn't bother feeling tense. He doesn't know how this will turn out but now they've _definitely_ gone too far to turn back because he has just cleared his throat and drawn the attention of everyone within earshot. The free people all look alarmed at their presence, obviously not expecting any human visitors. Despite their initial surprise, they seem unconcerned and return to their previously interrupted activities.

Unfortunately, the clanking and pounding coming from inside the building Bertholdt is standing at drowns out Levi's attempt at getting the man to notice him.

Levi tries a more direct approach. He steps closer.

"Oi, Hoover."

Bertholdt turns around and recognizes them instantly, shock and panic appearing on his sweaty face as he scrambles to straighten himself in the doorway.

"Reiner!" Bertholdt stays in the open doorway while he shouts and Levi realizes it's the first time he's ever heard him speak. Even when he raises his voice he's gentle.

Hand in hand, Levi and Eren step calmly forward, entering deeper into the village.

Reiner Braun appears in the doorway where Bertholdt is standing and spots the pair. The massive, muscular blond extends an arm out in front of Bertholdt, pushing him back while he steps forward in aggression, jaw squared, brow furrowed, prepared to strike at any moment. Surely he wouldn't transform so close to all these buildings and people... Would he?

Levi squeezes Eren's hand once more before releasing it, moving his hands to his waist to unlatch his gear and blades, dropping them to the ground. He maintains eye contact with the pair of titan shifters as he reaches up to his shoulder, ripping the wings of freedom from each side of his military jacket, carelessly discarding the patches and raising his hands up in front of him in surrender.

Eren has not moved, has not removed his gear as Levi has, has not broken eye contact with the two traitors he's dreamed of killing since they kidnapped him and revealed their true identities.

Levi knows Eren is angry. As much as he trusts Eren, he's not fully convinced that he won't act on impulse. This is a crucial moment, though. This is the turning point. If they misstep now, everything they've planned could go up in smoke. He grabs Eren's hand again and this time squeezes almost painfully hard, silently warning Eren not to do anything rash.

Reiner straightens, still on guard, though no longer set to pounce on the surrendering couple. He looks at Bertholdt, both _clearly_ confused. Both _definitely_ wary. Reiner nods to Bertholdt and they approach.

"Well, isn't this a surprise. How nice of you to drop in. Where's everyone else? Setting up another welcome party out in the woods?" Reiner crosses his arms over his chest, staring intently at Levi.

"It's just us," Levi replies, cool and emotionless as ever.

"What do you mean it's 'just us'? How the hell did you even get here?"

"I mean it's just us. We walked."

"You _wal_ \--" Reiner quickly shakes off his disbelief, becoming stern once more. "Seriously, I don't know what you're thinking, but you don't stand a chance here." He steps forward, attempting to intimidate Levi with his size, but the small man is nonplussed.

"We're not here to fight."

"Then why are--" Levi interrupts Reiner before he can finish.

"And we're no longer in the Survey Corps."

Reiner and Bertholdt turn to each other in disbelief.

"And exactly why should I believe that?"

"Erwin Smith will be here in two days. I am giving you advance warning. I'm unarmed. And if you haven't already noticed, Eren hasn't tried to kill you yet."

Only at the mention of his name does Reiner remember that Eren is standing right there in front of him. He and Bertholdt tried and failed to bring Eren here, but somehow he's now come willingly. He still feels guilty when he remembers everything that happened. He decides Levi's reasoning is good enough. It's not like Eren to have this much self-control, especially after screaming about killing them last time they met. He's never known Levi to be a liar, either. This must be serious.

Then Reiner notices another detail he missed. His eye looks down between the two visitors. He looks back up, eyes darting between them, looking back down again, and then up once more, comical in his continued confusion and disbelief at the situation. Levi, cold, emotionless, clean-freak Lance Corporal Levi, is _holding hands_ with Eren Yeager. Eren Yeager the titan.

"I have no idea what's going on." Reiner looks down again at the clasped hands, wondering if he's imagining this whole thing. Maybe he shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms he found this morning.

"Wait. Are you two...?"

Levi and Eren look at each other. Eren returns his eyes to his former friends, never looking away as he steps closer to Levi, untangling their hands to wrap his arm around Levi instead, pulling him flush to his side. Levi crosses his arms, mocking Reiner's earlier pose. Eren still doesn't look away from them when he leans down to place a kiss on the top of Levi's head. They both manage to keep straight faces even when Reiner and Bertholdt's eyebrows raise in unison, grins appearing on previously challenging faces.

"Well ho- _ly_ shit." Reiner looks very amused at this revelation.

"See Bertl? What did I tell you about a titan's weak spot, eh? _Ehhh_?" He elbows Bertholdt in the ribs, causing the taller man to stumble. 

Reiner continues looking thoroughly amused while he elbows Bertholdt. Bertholdt not so much.

 

  
\---

 

It won't bring Eren and Corporal Levi back, but Sasha's heartfelt offering of a warm, yeast stench-free, home cooked dinner does bring everyone back together.

The mood is a little lighter around the table as they share a meal as a whole. Even Commander Erwin is there, easy and amiable as if he wasn't their superior officer but an equal.

Sasha is glad that Mikasa and Armin joined them for dinner. It soothes her own grief just a little to see them enjoying even this one small thing after all they've been through.

Mikasa gives a tiny, near-imperceptible smile at Sasha from across the table.

Maybe they'll be okay someday. They can make it through this together.

 

\---

 

Reiner and Bertholdt lead the soldiers-turned-lovers through the town, giving them a bit of a tour as they make their way to their home to have a discussion over tea with their unexpected guests.

Levi and Eren are equally amazed at what they see as they wind through the streets of the picturesque town. There are all sorts of strange new sights and sounds and smells. People speaking languages they've never heard. A tiny, cozy tavern serving foods they've never encountered before. There's music coming from somewhere within, melodies unfamiliar to their ears.

A small boy kicks a ball across their path and runs out to retrieve it, almost crashing into Levi when he scrambles for the stray ball without looking. Eren catches the ball under his foot, crouching down to the boy's eye level to pick it up.

The boy looks up at Eren and smiles, and Eren returns him with a beautifully kind smile of his own, the type that reaches all the way to your eyes as if they were smiling as well. He hands over the boy's ball, the boy taking it from him with both hands, giggling excitedly when Eren ruffles his hair before running off to continue his game.

Levi aches with affection for Eren when he sees this. Eren may be a killer, a monster to some, but how many people know how incredibly kind he is? He's always given of himself to others without expectation and Levi often finds himself resenting the people who don't appreciate Eren's altruism. Eren has shown him more kindness, given him more peace and happiness than anyone or anything in his life ever has. Eren is an aberrant among men.

It's never gone unnoticed to Levi how much Eren seems to love children, either. Eren always stops to smile or wave at them when they see his uniform. Levi wonders if Eren has ever wanted children of his own. They'd never thought to even discuss something so seemingly insignificant for people in the midst of a world at war. Levi still feels a little bad that children are something he'll never be able to give to Eren if he wanted them. He wonders what it might have been like if someone kind and caring like Eren had adopted him when he was a starving orphan in the hellish underground of the capitol. Levi doesn't even like kids yet he still mulls over the idea of bringing Eren a small army of orphans if it would make him smile like that all the time. A family. He and Eren could have... a family.

Levi shakes off this absurd, irrational, uncharacteristically romantic daydream when they arrive at their destination; a weathered wooden home on the edge of a lake. It's... charming. There's even a pier out back and a rickety-looking little boat alongside it. Is this what they could have outside the walls? Clean air and sparkling water and lazy afternoons fishing instead of fighting titans? Another daydream. How has Levi allowed himself to become so soft? Probably the same reason he fell in love with a titan. At least it's been worth it.

"Home sweet home," Reiner says sarcastically as he holds open the door for them.

"You're welcome to stay here tonight if you'd like." Bertholdt manages to take all three of them by surprise when he speaks up from behind them.

Eren has been quiet the entire time, though Levi can sense his lightening mood. They both have an enormous amount on their minds. Still, the wonders of this new world are an unavoidable distraction for them. Levi thinks back to the boy in the street. So young, so happy, so carefree. Is he a titan shifter, too?

"We're sorry, Eren. We know that won't make up for anything, but we do mean it. We are sorry."

Eren looks conflicted. He seems to be fighting his feelings over Bertholdt's confession. It's not something that can be fixed overnight, or at all, but Bertholdt _does_ seem genuinely remorseful. Eren chooses to maintain his silence. It will take time to forgive if that's what Eren chooses to do. Levi doesn't expect him to. He would have killed them already if he were in Eren's position.

Reiner shows the pair to their room, which is scarcely more than a bed in a closet, but perfectly adequate for the night. They set their belongings on the floor and return to the front of the house where Bertholdt has prepared tea for them.

Imagine that. Humanity's Strongest having a tea party with three titans.

"Let's not waste any time. We have a lot to talk about. In return for my show of good faith, I expect the truth."

"Well, where do y'wanna start?"

Eren finally speaks up.

It will be a long night for all of them.

  
\---

 

Two days and two nights pass at the camp outside the walls and Erwin is in no rush to get to their final destination. He hopes that Levi and Eren have had enough time to do what they needed to do. He hopes they're still alive. Above all, he hopes that he hasn't misplaced his trust in them. Erwin decides that even if they do betray his trust, he will accept it. He wants to give them their chance at freedom. Any cost to him as a result is his due punishment for his sins.

None of the young soldiers seem particularly enthusiastic about completing the mission in the wake of their tragic loss, but Erwin won't budge. They've come this far and they will not be turning back until they find what they've been looking for.

They're silent as they ride out from the abandoned village that's been their home through all this, only the clopping of hooves and rattling of the cart disturbing the stillness of the eerily empty titan-occupied territory. He debates giving Eren and Levi an extra day. He doesn't think anyone can endure another day without distraction from their thoughts.

They ride. The formation is no smaller. It's just that phantoms now sit in the saddles of familiar black and brown horses.

"Commander, sir! I believe we're heading in the wrong direction! The map indicates--"

"Stay the course, Arlert. You can all disregard your maps for now."

Erwin dreads further questioning on the subject of maps. These are good soldiers, and good soldiers follow their Commander's orders. He would rather avoid more lies of omission.

He's certain that Arlert has understood the meaning of his lack of explanation. Neither address it aloud.

As long as one person knows the truth, his conscience can remain clear.

Armin Arlert is a good soldier.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much mush. 
> 
> Also I just really love Sasha.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi does the unthinkable.

  
"Well, where do y'wanna start?"  
  
Eren finally speaks up.  
  
"Why did you do it?"  
  
Bertholdt looks down at his teacup in shame. Reiner's mouth momentarily twists in an expression akin to pain, but soon draws itself straight and serious, an unfamiliar softness flickering in his eyes.  
  
Levi squeezes Eren's knee under the table and it goes unnoticed. Eren can not focus on anything but the two titans across from him.  
  
Reiner takes a deep breath, nervously turning the delicate teacup in his rough, masculine hands.  
  
"We were so young. We didn't understand. They had us so convinced that we just did..."  
  
Eren is entirely fixated on Reiner's deep voice and the contours of raw heartache etched onto his typically stony face. Levi, however, is only half listening, his own attention locked on Eren, tense and furious beside him.  
  
"... your father intended to bring you..."  
  
Levi watches Eren, assessing, monitoring. He knows that this conversation is far more significant for Eren than it is for himself, though it is still important to him because it is important to Eren.  
  
Levi reasons that what's done is done and the _why_ of their actions isn't as vital to him now as the _how_. How did they become what they are? How did mankind end up caged and at the mercy of titans, of others who are like them?  
  
While Levi is thinking and observing, he hears Reiner speak of Grisha Yeager. At the mere mention of his father, Eren stiffens. Levi notices how his gaze becomes unfocused. Eren is clearly somewhere else right now and Levi takes it upon himself to memorize Reiner's story to recount to Eren later.  
  
"...you weren't a titan when all of this was happening and it was his last resort. He didn't want to do it, Eren. He did it to save you. Me and Bertl didn't even realize..."

  
  
\---

The conversation continues on well past sunset. They take a small break to light lamps around the room. Reiner and Bertholdt stand close to each other in intimate reticence.  
  
Levi adapts the same state of reflective closeness with Eren, holding on to him, speaking only in hushed sounds, nuzzling his nose, bracing each other against the onslaught as much as they can. This is uncomfortable for everyone.  
  
"Eren, anything you want to ask?"  
  
Eren shakes his head no, still not entirely mentally present. Levi can't blame him. The poor kid's had his beliefs, hell, _his entire world_ constantly destroyed and rebuilt so many times over the course of his young life. Levi has the wisdom and experience that comes with age and tragedy, he knows he'll be able to get Eren through this. If Eren could teach Levi how to feel again, to love, he could certainly teach Eren how to overcome.  
  
Satisfied with the titan shifter's explanation of the situation at Shiganshina that terminated Eren's childhood and made him an orphan, Levi steers the conversation in the direction of his own interests. How. Why. When. What does this all mean?  
  
"Now that Eren knows the truth, I'd like to get right to the point, if you'd be so kind. What the _fuck_ are titans?"  
  
Somehow Reiner and Bertholdt look relieved at the switching of topics. Perhaps it's far less painful to explain history than it is to recount all the crimes they'd committed against humanity. Against Eren. Crimes which they were both unexpectedly repentant for.  
  
Reiner clears his throat, settling into his seat in a much more relaxed manner than before. Bertholdt remains silent yet thoughtful.  
  
"A long time ago there was a war. It was the biggest war there had ever been..."  
  
Levi is bewildered at what he's hearing.  
  
"...basically a last-ditch effort to save humanity from the end of the world. There wasn't enough time..."  
  
It's not like he expected his own personal theories to be confirmed by them, but what they're telling him now is nothing like he expected it to be.  
  
"...experiment was only a partial success. Those things, what we call titans, exceeded their expectations in some ways, but the problem was that it didn't quite work on...."  
  
Levi wonders if Eren is hearing any of this. Eren is still looking at his own reflection on the surface of his cold tea, Levi's hand placed reassuringly on top of his.  
  
"... people from getting sick. They'd get all these sores and burns on their skin, start puking their guts out, but the ones with titan..."  
  
Levi doesn't try to draw Eren's attention back to the conversation. He'll make sure to remember every detail for him.  
  
"... why some titans are nearly brainless. It's that instinct that causes them to eat any humans they see. Did Ymir tell you about how she finally changed back after all that time? It was the same..."  
  
He couldn't believe that Ymir and the others had been under his command the whole time. He'd heard a lot of shocking information from Erwin and others but he'd never put two and two together like that. Looking back now, it's so obvious.  
  
"... until they realized what kind of power..."  
  
Levi doesn't think any of this is going to change his mind. So far nothing has been more than interesting, a story.  
  
"... memories. So the Ackerman family started..."  
  
_That_ piques Levi's interest. He'd only just learned the secret of his family, well, his _bloodline_ , one of the few variables that worried him when he was formulating his plan.  
  
"... was intended to save humanity ended up being a way to control them instead."  
  
Eren is still motionless, quiet, inattentive. Levi runs a hand through Eren's hair to get his attention and when he looks over he can see Eren's eyelids starting to droop. All of this has been a huge drain on his beloved little titan.  
  
"This has been very interesting, but I think it's a good time for a break. I'm going to take Eren to bed."  
  
Reiner and Bertholdt look up from their barely-touched tea almost as if they had gotten so lost in history that they had forgotten their guests were even there.  
  
"Oh, right," Reiner stretches and rises from his seat, looking confusedly at the teacup in his hand. "Heh, sorry. I could use a bit of a break too."  
  
Reiner returns to the kitchen, Bertholdt following behind him after casting a long, sympathetic look at the couple across from him.  
  
"Eren. Hey," Levi bends to whisper into Eren's ear, nudging him. "Want me to carry you?"  
  
That gets a response out of Eren in the form of a scowl. Levi chuckles and the two large men in the kitchen whip their heads around in shock.

  
  
\---

  
  
Levi helps Eren undress then turns down the sheets on their borrowed bed, inspecting them. He has no prior experience to clue him in on Reiner and Bertholdt's proficiency in cleaning, having never ventured into the dorms or had them under his command for very long. Surprisingly, they were perfectly clean, though the rest of the dusty, unused room fell far short of his standards. It might be time for him to get used to dirt again.  
  
He guides Eren to bed, sitting at the edge as Eren gets comfortable and starts to drift off. He brushes the wild hair back from his forehead, kissing him there, earning a tiny, pleased hum from the boy.  
  
"I'm going to go hear what else they have to say. Would you prefer if I stayed?"  
  
Eren only shakes his sleep-heavy head, looking like he's about to form a word in his mouth but dozing off midway.  
  
Levi stares fondly down at him, emotion swelling in his chest. Love, joy, excitement, _hope_. They've made it to the outside world together, alive and well. He was worried about how they'd be received when they arrived at the hidden titan shifter homeland but it went even better than he could have imagined. They're even giving him information willingly.  
  
Levi reaches down for one of the saddlebags on the floor, unbuckling the flap and withdrawing a single item.  
  
He kisses Eren one more time before leaving his side, the small room falling into darkness as the light of his candle disappears behind the closed door.

  
  
\---

  
  
Reiner and Bertholdt are still in the kitchen when he returns, talking quietly to each other. Reiner is reaching up to rub his thumb over Bertholdt's chin, oblivious to Levi's presence.  
  
"I have a few more questions for you."  
  
Bertholdt startles when Levi's curt voice shatters the moment between them.  
  
"O-oh, of course," Bertholdt stutters, resuming his position at the table with Reiner.  
  
Levi calmly places a small black case on the table. The titan shifters' eyes go wide.  
  
"Is that...?"  
  
"Yes. What I do with it depends on your answers to my questions."  
  
"What you do...?"  
  
"Can anyone become a titan? Is this what turns someone into a titan shifter like you and Eren?"  
  
"As far as we know, yeah. That's how everyone here does it."  
  
There it is. The confirmation of Levi's suspicion about the village. It's an intimidating thought, though he so far has had no cause for concern.  
  
Levi flips open the case, revealing the bottle and syringe inside.  
  
"What is this?"  
  
"Uh, I think you already know what that is."  
  
"That's not what I meant. What does this do?"  
  
He slides the case across the table to Reiner with a challenging glare, daring him to do something stupid.  
  
Reiner picks up the small bottle, turning it, examining it in the light.  
  
"I'm really not sure. Most of us were injected with serums from our own bloodlines. I don't know where this one came from. It could be anything."  
  
"Bloodlines. That reminds me. I'm an Ackerman."  
  
Reiner and Bertholdt once again appear shocked.  
  
"Can Ackermans become titans?"  
  
"I'm no expert but I can only think of one reason why it might not work. Ackermans are an unusual bunch. They're outside of Reiss control, but I don't know if that's only because of the blood or if it's some kind of special immunity. Honestly, even though we have a connection to them, I don't actually know much about the Ackerman family. I've been away too long."  
  
"Noted. What might the consequences be if something were to go wrong during the injection process?"  
  
"It might end up creating an abnormal, or not work at all. I've never seen anything go wrong here but I don't think even the Yeagers know for sure."  
  
"Yeagers?" Levi's brow quirks at the name. This might be important.  
  
"Grisha Yeager wasn't the first one in the Yeager family to be involved with titans. Rumor has it that the-- _ow_!" Bertholdt kicks Reiner under the table, striking him directly on the sensitive bone on his ankle.  
  
"I see. One more thing. Is there a cure?"  
  
"Well... We've heard talk of one but it's very... hush-hush. No one really knows more beyond gossip. Anyone's guess. I don't know anything about it."  
  
"Ah. Can't be helped then. I suppose that's not important."  
  
"But... I thought you all were trying to eliminate all the titans? Why wouldn't a cure--"  
  
"Remember?" Levi points to the loose threads hanging from the sleeve of his jacket where the Wings of Freedom were once proudly displayed.  
  
"Oh. Right. Why _is_ that, exactly?"  
  
"Eren."  
  
Reiner looks panicked at the implication of that answer, cursing and leaning forward on the table on his forearms.  
  
"Eren?! You don't mean to tell me that he turned on humanity? Or the military turned on _him_? Is that why he's here?"  
  
"Oi, calm down. He's not here to kill you. He's not here to join you, either."  
  
"Uhh... So..."  
  
"I wanted freedom outside the walls. So did he. Now we're here."  
  
"You do know that it's crawling with wild titans out there, right? If you're not here to join us then--" Levi interrupts again. No time to waste on unnecessary details.  
  
"I'm here so you can turn me into a titan."  
  
Reiner's jaw drops, eyes practically bulging from their sockets. Bertholdt chokes on his tea.

  
  
\---

  
  
As usual, Levi wakes before Eren. The bed is quite small, surely not meant for two bodies, but Levi doesn't mind waking up with Eren pressed to his back, wrapped around him like he'll never let go. He spends this moment of early morning serenity to think about what's to come.  
  
They don't have much time left before Erwin's arrival with the former Squad Levi. It has to be today. Levi ponders over the realization that these are the last few hours of his existence as a full human. Before he met Eren he would have been disgusted at the mere thought of doing anything with titans besides killing them. Now he is completely at peace with the idea of becoming one himself.  
  
He turns over, disentangling the heavy, gangly limbs from his body so that he can look upon Eren's sleeping face. He looks so human, and he is. He is also titan, possessing strength and ability far beyond what any pure human could dream of obtaining. The notion of becoming like Eren, becoming his equal in all ways and living side by side with him in perfect freedom is thrilling. He hasn't been this excited about something since... Actually, this may very well be his first time being excited about something, looking forward to something. How different his life is now, all because of his titan.  
  
Levi's movement must have disturbed Eren's sleep. The drowsy brunet starts to stretch out his legs while emitting a strained groan that turns into a yawn. Levi normally lets Eren sleep late when he can, but today he's actually glad that he woke Eren, intentionally or not.  
  
When Eren's eyes finally open, they're looking directly into Levi's, who lies nearly face to face with him. Eren smiles. Eren always smiles when he wakes up next to Levi and Levi always feels a sweet pain pierce through him at the sight. He can never figure out what he must have done right in his blood-stained life to deserve the companionship of this beautiful boy. He's not a praying man but sometimes he feels compelled to utter a silent plea to who or whatever may be listening that this will never end.  
  
"Mmng, Levi..." Eren slurs, head still cloudy with the last vestiges of sleep. His hand raises to touch Levi's face, fingers tracing a cheek and coming to rest on small lips that turn up only for him.  
  
He tilts his chin to press his lips to Levi's, which are warm and dry and smooth, and which return his kiss gladly.  
  
Levi doesn't want to spoil the moment but he's anxious to get things over with before they run out of time.  
  
"Today's the day," he says, still gazing into Eren's gentle green eyes, fingers trying and failing to brush a few stray hairs behind Eren's ear.  
  
Eren closes his eyes, suddenly remembering where they are and why they're here, and leans his forehead against Levi's, hand cupped over his jaw.  
  
"You're really sure about this?"  
  
"I am. If you'll allow it."  
  
"Levi, you know that's not my decision to make."  
  
"And you should know that it's not a decision I'm going to make without you."  
  
"I wonder what you'll look like. Hey... what do I look like?" Now curious and fully awake, Eren lifts himself and looks down at Levi, and Levi will never tell him how much he reminds him of a puppy.  
  
"Well, you're pretty fuckin' tall and your dick is missing."  
  
Eren gives Levi a playful shove, evidently not having received the answer he was looking for.  
  
" _Leviiii!_ Come _on_!"  
  
Levi smiles, holding tight to this blissful feeling that he would have never experienced if he hadn't fallen in love with a titan.

  
  
\---

  
  
The group of three titan shifters and one soon-to-be are gathered in a room that reminds them of Hanji's lab. Both Eren and Levi feel a little wave of sad nostalgia at the familiar sight and the idea that they'll never see the cheerful and ever-so-slightly unhinged scientist again.  
  
"Since we don't know what exactly this one does or where it came from," Reiner says, motioning to the bottle nestled in the black case, "We're not sure how you'll react when we administer it or even if it'll _work_. If you wanted, we could make you one from one of the other titans here--"  
  
"No one here knows what it does?" Eren seems concerned. Levi hadn't yet told him what he missed when he wasn't present for the latter portion of last night's discussion.  
  
"Kenny didn't tell me anything about it, only that he nicked it from Rod Reiss. So, no. No clue."  
  
"Levi! You can't just inject yourself with something like that! What if something goes wrong?"  
  
"I'll just have to take that chance, Eren."  
  
"Reiner..." Eren looks over to the massive blond leaned against the workbench across from him.  
  
"You said you could make a serum from one of the other titans?"  
  
"Yep. I heard that you got mine that way. Well, my family's. How's it feel to have some Braun in ya?"  
  
"Uh, fine, I think?"

"It makes him hard."

He can't decide what's funnier: Levi actually _joking_ , or his completely blank face while he's doing it. Either way, it earns a loud, hearty laugh from Reiner and a slightly more reserved one from Bertl. It also earns Levi an elbow to the ribs.  
  
"Are we going to do this, or are we just going to wait until Erwin gets here and have a heartwarming moment with the Commander?" Levi is crossing his arms in irritation, patience wearing thin.  
  
"Then make one from me. Give Levi mine. Reiss said you only need spinal fluid, right?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, actually. I mean, it's not going to be pleasant, but yeah, that'll work. I think."  
  
"I'm pretty sure it was a lot less pleasant getting my arms torn off."  
  
"Ah, yeah, I'm sorry about that, Eren." Bertholdt looks genuinely apologetic as he addresses Eren, eyes falling on an unidentified point beside him, hand rubbing nervously at the back of his neck.  
  
"If you do this for us, we'll call it even. So? Levi?"  
  
Levi grabs Eren's hand and squeezes.  
  
"Do it."

  
  
\---

  
  
"I'm going to need you to get on your side. Yeah, like that. Now pull your knees in, okay, now head like this..."  
  
Once Eren is in position, Reiner turns around to gather some materials from the table behind them. They had taken equipment from the lab at the town clinic, so rarely used that no one had even noticed them entering and leaving. They have to do this in secret; no one knows that the new boy in town is Eren Yeager. If they did, all hell would probably break loose. There's a reason Reiner and Bertholdt (and Annie, come to think of it) tried to bring him back here.  
  
They're counting on Eren's innate healing ability to counteract any mistakes made in the delicate procedure, but Levi is still hovering protectively over Eren.  
  
"Levi, I'll be fine. You honestly don't think I can handle a little pinprick? Come on."  
  
Levi doesn't say anything. His reply is a squeeze of his hand and a stern look down at Eren curled up on the table, one that's doing a poor job of concealing his worry.  
  
Reiner wipes something cool over Eren's lower back and then takes the syringe in hand.  
  
"Here we go. Ready?"  
  
"Just do it."  
  
Eren doesn't flinch when the needle punctures his skin, going even deeper into the membranes of his spine and withdrawing a small amount of the fluid there. Levi is still watching like a hawk, though Eren thinks it's more like a mother hen. He tries not to think about Mikasa.  
  
"We only need a little bit, so you're just about done. Few more drops and we're good."  
  
"Hey, Reiner?"  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"You should probably take some for yourself. That's why you wanted me to come here, isn't it. The coordinate or whatever."  
  
"It wasn't... for me. But yeah, yeah that's why. I don't think that's a good--"  
  
"Do it anyway. Give it to Erwin or something when he comes for you. Er, if you plan on sticking around, that is."  
  
"We'll talk about that later. Is he done? Can you take that fucking thing out of him now?"  
  
"Yep. All finished."

  
  
\---

  
  
Reiner takes them out to an empty stretch of land outside the village. He insisted on doing it in this particular location for the sake of everyone's safety, just in case anything unexpected happens. Not a good idea to have some brand-new titan accidentally transforming in a city full of titan shifters.  
  
It's Eren's turn to be nervous. Though he only remembers short glimpses of it, he recalls the night he went through this process and it's not a pleasant memory at all. He was just a kid, though. He wonders if Levi is going to inherit all the memories that he inherited from his father. He might not have much to learn if that's the case.  
  
Eren steals one last kiss from a fully-human Levi and it's a strange feeling. Levi's going to be just like him. That's pretty exciting, now that he's thinking about it. So exciting that he accidentally takes the kiss a little farther than is probably appropriate in the company of others.  
  
"Shit, Bertl. Can you _believe_ this? I still can't get over it. Who would have guessed that _Levi_ , of all people..."  
  
Upon hearing his name fall sarcastically from Reiner's lips, Levi suddenly remembers where he is and what he's doing. He jerks away from the messy, impassioned, and all too enjoyable kiss, a strand of saliva falling onto his face from where he was previously connected to Eren's mouth. Levi pulls away so quickly that Eren's tongue is still visible for a moment, eyes still closed, adorably disoriented at the rapid and unanticipated loss of contact.  
  
Even more adorable, Levi thinks, is the way his eyes snap open when he realizes what has just occurred, violently wiping the drool off his face with the back of his hand which does nothing to cover the pink hue blooming on his skin. _You know, it's still early_ , Levi thinks. _We could go back to bed for a while and still have plenty of time. I'll just go tell them..._  
  
"All right, you two. If you're done, and I sincerely hope you are, I've got a big-ass needle here with your name on it. You ready?"  
  
Levi nods to Eren. Eren hesitates. Bites his lip. It takes him a moment but he eventually nods back.  
  
Levi holds his palm out, accepting the all-important glass cylinder that is about to decide his future for him.  
  
"It's all yours. Remember, just like we talked about. You hold it..."  
  
"I'd back up now if I were you."  
  
Eren once again hesitates before stepping back a few paces like the others have. He makes sure to keep eye contact with Levi as he rolls up his sleeve, touching the point of the needle to the bare skin of his forearm.

"This better work."  
  
And then the needle is in. Everyone gets their answer in the form of a blinding flash and a deafening crack.

  
  
\---

 

The steam and dust clear and there before them stands a titan.  
  
A titan with hard grey eyes that glint cloudy blue in the sun.  
  
A titan with long black hair and pointed ears.  
  
A titan staring at its own shaking hands.  
  
A titan that looks around, observing.  
  
A titan that observes the small figure with its enormous green eyes fixed on him.  
  
Green eyes that widen in panic as the titan leaps forward to devour them.

  
  
\---

 

"Shit!!"  
  
Reiner bites into his hand the instant he sees the brand new titan make a move toward Eren.  
  
The armored titan is so strong and fast that he's upon Levi before he even realizes he's there, pinning him down and biting out the nape of the titan's neck. The armored titan spares no time spitting the chunk of flesh onto the ground. Bertholdt, still in human form, rushes over in a hurry to begin extracting the human from the steaming flesh.  
  
As Bertholdt works on tearing flesh from flesh, so does Reiner. Huge armored hands flip the steaming, rapidly decaying vacant titan onto its mangled back, wrenching its jaw open to search its mouth for Eren. He finds nothing.  
  
The sharp crunch of giant bones breaking and wet squelch of crushed and torn flesh melds with the determined grunting of the man currently tugging a small body from a slab of meat.  
  
The armored titan's fingers tear apart an oversized, inhuman esophagus with no human body lodged inside it. A ribcage cracks open like an egg, exposing steaming, glistening organs, fewer in number than what's inside a real human. And there, the stomach, the belly of the beast. The armored hands rend apart the slippery titan gut, a wave of hot liquid gushing forth and soaking the ground.  
  
He tears it open wider, wider, nearly in half, exposing the lining that leads to nowhere. There. It's a body. He reaches for it. He's about to pluck it from the titan's innards as delicately as his huge fingers can, but he stops.

He stops because the body sits up. Coughs. Heaves. Wipes at its face in vain, completely drenched in titan fluids. And then...  
  
It smiles and waves.

  
  
\---

  
  
There are faint whispers, weak, barely more than distressed sighs carrying feeble apologies from sober mouths.  
  
The whisperers retreat and then there is nothing except the faltering breaths of the boy behind the door of the room where Levi's body lies motionless atop clean white linens.

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throw roses into the abyss and say: "Here is my thanks to the monster who didn't succeed in swallowing me alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ヽ༼ ͠ ͠° ͜ʖ ͠ ͠° ༽ﾉ 8===D ༼ ◔ ͜ʖ ◔ ༽

  
  
"Are you sure you're alright? Will you be okay here by yourself?"  
  
"It's not the first time it's happened to me. I'll be okay... eventually. I think I need some privacy right now."  
  
"Yeah, sure. Just say the word if you need anything. I'm... We're really sorry."  
  
"We are. If there's anything I can do... Please, don't hesitate."  
  
"Thanks, guys."  
  
Eren sighs and closes the door to the quiet little room he and Levi shared last night. The silence of it fills him with a sense of creeping fear and anxiety as he replays the events over and over in his head.  
  
Levi was so excited. Eren had never seen such child-like hopefulness on Levi's perpetually expressionless face. At least not in front of anyone but himself. He was excited, too, but that didn't mean he wasn't equally worried. He knew from experience just how wrong things could go.  
  
He held his breath when Levi stuck that needle in his arm. The transformation was sudden, and when the dust and smoke and steam cleared, he was relieved to see that it was successful as well.  
  
He marveled at Levi's immense titan body. He could still clearly make out features that were distinctly Levi, like his stormy eyes, thin brows, and delicate nose. Eren had never seen a titan that looked so.... Beautiful. His heart skipped a beat when those exaggerated yet familiar eyes met his, but then...  
  
It turns out that his initial fears were warranted.  
  
Levi's giant titan hand reached out for him with all the speed Levi possessed as a human and then some. It snatched him up from the ground and shoved him into his mouth before he could even react. It was just like he remembered.  
  
As luck would have it, Levi swallowed him whole, and while being in a titan's stomach wasn't exactly enjoyable, at least he was alive and well. He'd thought about transforming like he had the first time he was eaten but couldn't bring himself to do it. What if it killed Levi like it had the first titan who swallowed him?  
  
He didn't have time to think of another solution because he was suddenly being pitched forward, choking on whatever horrid, sloshing fluid filled a titan's stomach as Levi's body fell onto the ground with jarring force.  
  
Giant armored fingers greeted him, tearing open the cavernous, pitch-black titan stomach, light streaming in from above his head like clouds parting a stormy sky.  
  
He was fine, if not a little disoriented and soaked through with a titan's bodily fluids that he was attempting to clear from his lungs and sinuses. He recovered quickly, having sustained no injuries besides a bruise or two, and when he sat up he saw something through the steam of the disintegrating body.  
  
The armored titan crouching over him and Bertholdt crouching over Levi's motionless form.  
  
Eren's body acted on its own, running on wobbling, unsteady legs toward his lover who lay supine on the dusty ground. He didn't even realize he was shouting until Bertholdt grabbed his shoulder, urging him to calm down. Reiner was soon free of his titan body, trying to calm him as well.  
  
He flat-out ignored the two shifters, choosing instead to lift Levi's unusually hot body up into his arms, carrying him back to the village as fast as his adrenaline-numbed legs could take him.

  
  
\---

  
  
It's been hours. Eren occupies himself with cleaning as the room grows dim, afternoon soon becoming evening. Bertholdt had knocked on the door at some point, bringing Eren some food and hot water for tea. He wasn't in the mood for tea without his favorite person to share it with so he took advantage of the water while it was still warm and cleaned the filth of the day off of both bodies occupying the room. When that was done, he cleaned everything else. Twice.  
  
He only stopped once the room became too dark to continue working. He was exhausted and briefly considered going to sleep but he just couldn't do it. Instead he lit a candle and sat on the bed next to Levi, stroking his silky hair, lifting a limp hand to keep it pressed against his lips.  
  
Eren only let his eyes fall closed when his vision became so blurred with tears that there was no point in trying to see at all.

  
  
\---

  
  
Levi can feel consciousness tugging at him. His head is swimming, his body paralyzed in twilight, neither here nor there, trapped inside his own terrible, lucid dream.

  
  
\---

  
  
I'm... alive. At least I think I'm alive. I can't move. It's dark, it's so incredibly dark, but it's also... Warm. It's warm and something smells familiar.  
  
Fear overwhelms me. The only person who as ever brought me joy and hope is holding me so tight in his arms that I can hear his heartbeat, hear the blood rushing through his veins, hear the air expanding in his lungs.  
  
Eren. Until I met him, draped him with the wings of freedom, took him under my _own_ wing, I'd never quite realized how empty I'd become. I'd lost everyone I'd ever cared about and convinced myself that I could bear my burdens alone. I was wrong. I was wrong and he was everything I've ever needed. He was hope, he was friendship, he was comfort... He was love.  
  
Never have I held anything so dear, and never has something so constantly been on the verge of being wrenched from my grip. Permanently. Eren's faced death so many times and, somehow, defied all odds and returned to me alive. But what about the next time? Will I be so fortunate to return to his arms once more, or will I be burying him under earth, never to feel his touch again?  
  
And then I remember. This time it was me. It was me who endangered him. It was me who all but ended him by my own hand.  
  
It was me who made a decision that nearly snuffed out the only light in my life.  
  
It was me. It was me. It was me. _It was me_.

  
  
\---

  
  
From somewhere within the blackness, I hear my name.  
  
_Levi... Levi..._  
  
Eren.  
  
_Open your eyes, Levi. Can you open your eyes?_  
  
A kiss.  
  
_Can you hear me? Please open your eyes._  
  
Somehow I'm slowly swaying back and forth.  
  
_Levi._  
  
The blackness gives way to watery green outlined with red.  
  
I can't find my voice to say what I'm screaming inside my head. _Eren, I almost killed you, get away from me! Don't let me hurt you again. You could be dead right now and it's my fault!_  
  
For the first time in my life, I truly weep. I sob, I wail, I bleed unrestrained sorrow into his warm, living, breathing chest. My body shakes and convulses, my heart feels like it's being ripped from my chest. Eren doesn't try to silence me. He doesn't seem to mind the tears running down his chest and pooling in the crook of my own bent arm. He doesn't seem concerned that he's holding the man who tried to kill him.  
  
He holds me even tighter, becoming a steadfast pillar to lean on, a safe shelter around me. His soothing hand is brushing through my hair. I feel his cheek rest against my head and I start to perceive a low rumble in his chest.  
  
Is Eren crying? Is he crying because of me? Of course he is. Fuck. _Fuck_!  
  
I'm so immersed in my own guilt that I miss how the rumble has become more pronounced. I listen closer. It's… it's a melody. He's humming a melody. The soothing sound spurs me to cry harder, the flood of tears surging as a whole new wave of emotion crashes over me. Being completely blanketed in his presence - his voice, his scent, his warmth, his solid body encircling me - gives me a sense of safety. Safety, or perhaps relief, and though I don't deserve it, maybe even forgiveness.  
  
But then… Then he begins to sing.  
  
" _Schlafe, mein Prinzchen, schlaf ein. Es ruh'n Schäfchen und Vögelein, Garten und Wiesen verstummt, auch nicht ein Bienchen mehr summt…_ "  
  
It's soft and sweet. My Eren... I can't. I can't. My Eren is singing me a lullaby. _My Eren_.  
  
" _Luna mit silbernem Schein, gucket zum Fenster herein. Schlafe beim silbernem Schein, schlafe, mein Prinzchen, schlaf ein, schlaf ein… schlaf ein._ "  
  
My distress eases and my body subconsciously relaxes at the sound of his voice. I have never heard Eren sing before. His deep voice is rough and it wavers, but still I've never heard a more beautiful voice in my life. Eren must have noticed that I've calmed because he places a kiss on the top of my head and softly speaks to me.  
  
"I'm here, Levi. I'm here. I've got you." There's a short pause and it sounds like he wants to say something more. He does. "And… I love you."  
  
"Eren…" My voice cracks. "You sang to me."  
  
"Mm. My mother used to sing that to me when I was little. It's in an old language. I don't know what it means."  
  
I can't find the strength to say more. Even though I just woke after an indeterminate stint of unconsciousness, I give in to exhaustion. The last thing I remember thinking was how I want nothing but this for the rest of my life. I'm tired of death and fighting. My eyelids become impossibly heavy and I fall asleep cradled in his warmth.

  
  
\---

  
  
Levi wakes when he feels the bed dipping under a weight that he hadn't noticed had even left. He opens his eyes to see Eren beside him, balancing a tray on his lap. Something on the tray is giving off rolling tendrils of steam, faintly visible in the warm flicker of candlelight. The gentle rise of translucent wisps of quickly dissipating moisture creates a soothing, hypnotic sight and Levi lets it distract him from reality.  
  
A glint of silver above him directs his eyes away from the steaming cup of tea. Eren is holding a knife, blade sliding across deep red gleaming in his palm.  
  
Eren turns toward the slight motion of Levi's waking body shifting beside him and his smile is only half visible in the shadow cast by the candle behind him.  
  
"Hey," Eren utters softly. "Sit up."  
  
Levi obeys, albeit slowly.  
  
Eren sets the objects in his hands back onto the tray, turning to face Levi with it still balanced on his lap. It rattles with his ungraceful movements, tea sloshing over the side of its porcelain cup.  
  
"Oops," he shrugs in mock apology, a small laugh escaping his smiling lips.  
  
Eren sweeps his hand through Levi's hair, the ever-neat locks messier than he has ever seen them. He thinks it's adorable so he messes it up a little more and then cups his palm over a cheek, gazing fondly at his brand-new titan shifter.  
  
Eren turns to grab the teacup from the tray, this time careful not to spill any of the hot liquid on Levi. He holds the bottom of the cup in his palm when he offers it to him and he accepts it in a way that is uniquely Levi.  
  
"Thank you." Levi sips the tea cautiously, testing the temperature, and then drains the cup in several large gulps.  
  
Eren smiles even wider at the sight of a thirsty, groggy, messy-haired Levi. There's just something so special about being able to see the closely guarded man like this.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
Levi nods and Eren takes the cup from his hand, replacing it in its spot on the tray. He gathers a handful of something small and crescent-shaped in one palm, taking one and extending it out to Levi.  
  
Levi reaches to take the slice of apple from Eren's fingers, but apparently Eren had a different idea because he doesn't let Levi take it, moving his hand away when he grabs for it.  
  
He holds it up to Levi's lips, intent on feeding him from his own hand.  
  
Levi rolls his eyes and sighs but doesn't otherwise object. He allows himself to be fed just this once no matter how humiliating it seems. Eren's alive and caring for him and that's all that matters at the moment. He's so grateful that Eren is still here that he'd let him do anything he wanted right now.  
  
Well, if he insists on feeding him, it's only fair to return the favor, right? Levi snatches one of the slices from Eren's palm and reciprocates, momentarily confusing Eren.  
  
"Levi?"  
  
"Eat it."  
  
He lets Levi feed himself after that.

  
  
\---

  
Now fed and rested, the pair find themselves sitting up in the small, borrowed bed clinging to each other for comfort, talking lowly to each other in the light of the solitary flame at the bedside. Neither has any idea what time it is, only that it's dark behind the closed curtains of the room's single window. The house has been quiet for a while now.  
  
"I'm sorry, Eren." It's not his first apology of the evening and he's sure it won't be his last. He doesn't think any number of apologies could ever truly convey how sorry he is.  
  
"I already told you it's okay. I'm fine. See? It could have been worse but it wasn't. So it's fine. It's not like it's the first time I've been eaten." It's also not the first time Eren has forgiven him this evening and likely not the last, either.  
  
"I mean it. I forgive you. I'm not even upset. I was more worried about you when you were just laying there not doing anything. Bertholdt looked really scared." Eren frowns, recalling the earlier scene he'd rather forget.  
  
Eren kisses Levi firmly on the forehead and Levi releases a shuddering breath.  
  
"Levi. We're here now. It's over and we both made it out alive," Eren asserts more firmly this time. "I don't trust you any less."  
  
Levi doesn't know how to respond to that. He doesn't even know how to process it. So he kisses him instead.  
  
He holds Eren's face so close to his own that there's no room between their lips to speak but he speaks anyway, sighing his words into Eren's mouth so that he can swallow them, so they can etch themselves into his bones so he can never forget them.  
  
"Do you have... any idea... how much I love you? I love you so goddamn much, Eren. I never thought I'd ever say that to someone."  
  
Just like Levi, Eren is at a loss. He doesn't know how to respond. He uses his mouth to speak, but not with words. His answer is a kiss; fast, rough, delving, questioning, returning.  
  
No matter how hard he tries, Eren still can't find the right words. It's all too big, too all-encompassing, too enormous to confine to a single phrase. Maybe he'll find the right words someday. Until then, he'll speak with his body.

Eren breathes a solitary word across those insistent lips and begins showing his appreciation.  
  
"Levi..."  
  
That's the only thing he says before he attaches his hot mouth to Levi's jaw, nipping, sucking, making his way from ear to neck to clavicle. Eren stops to suck on a patch of skin at the base of Levi's neck. He's a little bit rough but Levi's loud gasp and further exposed neck tell him that he doesn't mind at all. There it is, blossoming like a red rose on Levi's porcelain skin, a visible reminder of his love and devotion.  
  
He recalls a similar visible declaration, one of mutual trust; bite marks on four human hands.  
  
When the mark is made and Levi's eyes at last are open, Eren shivers at what he sees. Pupils so dilated that Levi's chilling grey irises are but a thin halo of light around the black, a lunar eclipse looking back at him. Thin yet kiss-swollen pink lips barely parted, panting breaths escaping from between them, and just the slightest glimpse of wet, pink tongue beyond. And that skin, that fair skin that Eren thinks feels finer than the most expensive silk, skin so pale that there's no mistaking the flush staining it, no way to hide the color of fresh blood on snow.  
  
He has left his mark on Levi but it's not enough. He doesn't own him. Doesn't want to. Only wants to leave a reminder on his skin, a reminder that they are part of each other and that he will be there. It's not enough until he has one of his own, until they're equal. He wants one too.  
  
And so he sits up, rolling his defined shoulders back, baring his throat, presenting his own vulnerable neck with head tilted back and eyes closed. He brings one hand up to touch the base of his neck, the exact location of the mark he'd given, offering. Inviting. Begging.  
  
Levi answers the silent call, pulling his green-eyed lover back down, tongue swiping over the base of his throat before suckling there, coaxing that precious lifeblood to the surface, peppering golden skin with a mist of red, a deep sound rising up from inside that throat along with it.  
  
Now Eren is panting, touching the wet spot where he received Levi's mark, reveling in the sense of belonging it gives him.  
  
Eren only grasps the reality of what has changed between them when he returns his gaze to Levi. The spot below his throat that he'd adorned with a red mark only _minutes_ ago has returned to its original, unblemished state. There's not a single trace that would suggest that any mark was ever there at all.  
  
Levi is like him. Levi is a monster. Levi, once sworn to a life of exterminating every last titan, loves him so much that he chose to become one. For _him_. The revelation knocks the wind out of him, the gravity and meaning of it hitting him like a blow to the chest.  
  
Eren needs to thank him. He wants to express his infinite gratitude for saving him, for loving him. He's taking him away from the hell of the world he lived in and sacrificing his own humanity to do it. There are still no words reaching his mouth and he can't contain the gratefulness that threatens to burst from his heart and overflow.  
  
He traces every centimeter of Levi's skin with his lips in pure worship. He tugs at an ear with his teeth, first cartilage and then lobe, sucking it into his mouth when he reaches the soft flesh. He continues, from ear to jaw, jaw to neck, neck to chest, dragging his teeth over a nipple as he descends further. He dips his tongue into Levi's navel when he reaches his middle, finally making his way down to suck on the jut of a hip bone, tongue trailing along the groove of his pronounced Apollo's belt as far as he can before he's irritatingly stopped by cloth.  
  
Eren had left Levi's breeches on when he cleaned the dirt from his skin while waiting for him to regain consciousness. He didn't anticipate anything like this happening, and though he's currently annoyed by the damned barrier obscuring his view, he would have left them on anyway. He shouldn't be feeling so much hatred for a scrap of fabric. He can still clearly see the rigid form of what's hidden underneath and it makes him near desperate to expose it. He looks up from where he hovers over Levi's groin, determining that he has permission to continue from the way Levi is biting his lip, pleading with dark eyes.  
  
It's a blessed relief for both of them when Eren gets his fingers under the waist and nearly rips the offending garment in half with the force he uses to pull it down Levi's legs, reaching behind without looking to remove it completely. He's careless in this state of arousal and automatically tosses it onto the floor, not able to think about anything besides the gorgeous erect cock before him. He unwittingly licks his lip at the sight, unsure of whether he wants to continue devouring it with his eyes or with his mouth. He wraps a palm around it, moaning at the heat and weight of it, the velvety glide of skin as he slowly strokes it.  
  
It's a difficult decision but ultimately the mouth wins. He's salivating at the mere _thought_ of tasting it, never hungrier for anything in his entire life than he is for the taste of Levi. He starts at the base, tongue dragging incredibly slowly while his hands massage Levi's hips, thumbs stroking over the dips of muscle, fingers squeezing at the sides. He takes his time enjoying every part of the experience, Levi's fists clenching in the sheets beside him in anticipation. Eren ends the slow, sweet torture, finally making it to the glistening head, lapping at it and groaning loudly at the taste that's even better than he remembered.  
  
He hears Levi's small whines and heavy breaths and resists temptation, determined to keep taking his time, extending the agonizing pleasure for as long as he possibly can. He moves a hand to rest at the base of Levi's erection, fingers slowly uncurling to run his nails gently down Levi's scrotum, cupping underneath when they finally straighten.  
  
Eren needs _more_ , aches to feel him on his tongue, to swallow everything he's offered. So he takes him in his mouth as slowly as he can, swallowing down as much as he can fit, pressing his tongue to the thick vein as he slides his mouth back up the length.  
  
His lips are sealed firmly around Levi's cock, careful to keep his teeth covered, applying the perfect amount of pressure and suction to ease the skin up as he reaches the head again and slides him out of his mouth. It's beautiful, he thinks. Levi is so beautiful.  
  
He stops to admire once more before using his lips again, nipping and tugging gently at the foreskin, taking him in hand to hold him in place. The teasing resumes, sucking, nibbling, earning a chorus of equally beautiful noises from above him. He slips his tongue under the skin, circling it around the smooth head, getting an even more glorious reaction out of Levi as a reward. And still he keeps his motions slow, teasing the inner band of foreskin with the tip of his tongue, lapping at the dripping slit, just _barely_ stroking and squeezing with the hand around the shaft.  
  
Now Levi's chest is heaving, rising and falling heavily while he tosses his head back and forth on the pillow. Eren thinks he could spend the rest of his life doing nothing but bringing Levi pleasure. And god, does he want to. Nothing would make him happier. He wonders if the ocean he's always dreamed of could even compare to the beauty of Levi. It's doubtful. He wants Levi to know just how admired he is.  
  
"Ahh, _Levi_... You're so gorgeous," Eren pants, mouth still over the tip of Levi's cock. " _Nngh_ , you're so hard, _fuck, Levi_... Fuck, I want your gorgeous cock so _bad_. I want to fuck myself on it until I feel you dripping out of me."  
  
He tries not to appear embarrassed by what's coming out of his mouth and decides to shut himself up with Levi's dick before he can say anything else. He moans while he takes the head back into his mouth, giving Levi no chance to respond. This time he gently pulls the skin back, bobbing his head up and down a few times, catching the ridge with his tongue on each pass. It's when he removes his mouth to suck at the sensitive frenulum that Levi gives the biggest reaction, crying out, throbbing against Eren's mouth and hand.  
  
" _Ah, hah, stop_... Eren stop, _haaahhh...!_ "  
  
Eren does immediately, looking into Levi's face with concern.  
  
"Did I hurt you?"  
  
" _Hah, no_ , fuck, no, you didn't hurt me. I was about to come, I didn't..."  
  
Levi's breathless, panting admission sends a wave of arousal over Eren, his entire body shivering at the words.  
  
" _Good_ ," Eren breathes, crawling up to Levi for a kiss.  
  
"Good?" Levi questions in between kisses.  
  
"Yeah, good. Glad you stopped me before you came because I want you to do it inside me."  
  
Levi squeezes his eyes tightly shut, throwing his head back with a long groan when Eren's deep, rough, voice breathes those words into his ear.  
  
Eren bites Levi's lip, giving it a tug until it slips from between his teeth as he inches backward, pulling off his own undergarment, tossing it aside to join Levi's somewhere on the floor. He makes a show of touching himself for Levi, groaning and breathing heavily as he gives himself a few slow strokes before reaching behind himself to grab Levi's cock again.  
  
He locks eyes with Levi as he holds him steady, slowly lowering himself down, not even daring to blink lest he miss a single second of Levi's shocked expression.  
  
"Shit, let me get..."  
  
Eren cuts off Levi's response to his actions, holding himself over Levi's cock, still wet with saliva and pre-ejaculate, guiding it with his hand to nudge at his entrance.  
  
"Don't need it."  
  
And then he shocks Levi even more as he sinks down onto his cock, slowly and smoothly burying the entire length deep inside him.  
  
Levi whines when he penetrates Eren.  
  
"Haaah, Eren, _fuuuuck_!"  
  
"Oh god, Levi, you're so hard. _Hnnnn.._. your cock feels so _good_."  
  
Eren starts to move, still determined to keep the pace slow. At first he only grinds himself down on Levi, barely moving at all, concentrating on feeling how deep Levi is inside of him and the strange sensation in his abdomen. Then there's a few controlled rolls of his hips that only just faintly begin to ease Levi in and out of him.  
  
Levi watches Eren the entire time. Eren has allowed his eyes to fall closed now, face flushed and held in an expression of pleasure, and on his mouth is small smile that's even more lovely to behold with one side of his plump bottom lip between his teeth.  
  
Eren keeps his eyes closed and his hips subtly rocking when he whispers a request.  
  
"Put your knees up."  
  
Levi plants his feet flat on the bed, knees bent behind Eren, granting his request immediately. Eren leans back in response, bracing himself against Levi's unbelievably strong thighs, spreading his knees as far as he can, starting to finally move in earnest on top of him.  
  
He knows Levi is watching him. He can feel how tightly Levi grips his thighs as he lazily raises and lowers himself on that magnificent cock. He knows exactly how well Levi can see himself sliding in and out of his body. He also knows precisely how much Levi is enjoying it without even having to open his eyes, though he does because he wants to see Levi enjoying himself.  
  
It's almost too much to take. Levi's face, Levi's moans, Levi's body developing a light sheen of sweat, Levi's scent surrounding him. He suddenly doesn't want to be this far away from Levi. Even though they're joined together, it's still not close enough.  
  
He places his hands on Levi's, lifting them from where they're clamped onto his thighs and laces their fingers together. He pulls back gently on them, silently beseeching him to sit up so he can wrap his arms around the strong back he loves so much.  
  
Eren's arms wind around Levi, pressing their bodies together while he sits in Levi's lap, bouncing on his knees. Levi seeks out his lips, one arm secured around Eren's waist, the other buried in Eren's soft, sweat-damp hair, pulling him onto his own mouth. Eren willingly surrenders his mouth to Levi, whose soft, wet tongue delves into it in a rhythm matching that of his cock entering and withdrawing out of Eren.  
  
They swallow each other's moans, so close that they share the same breath, skin becoming more and more slick as their bodies heat. Eren notices Levi's hand inching lower and lower on his back. He feels Levi's fingers begin to trail up and down over the cleft of his ass, and then he feels Levi slide his fingers even lower, pressing against him, feeling the way his cock is stretching him, stroking along the rim as it moves up and down his length. Eren involuntarily tightens around him and that seems to ignite something within Levi, setting him off, wrenching control from Eren and into his own hands.  
  
Levi steadies his hand on the middle of Eren's back, bracing the other on the bed, thrusting up into Eren and knocking him off balance. Levi takes this opportunity to lower Eren onto the bed forcefully but lovingly, guiding him with one hand underneath him. He then uses that hand to stroke down Eren's side as they kiss, caressing the swell of his ribcage, the dip of his waist, the cut of his hip and the thickness of his ass, all the way down his thigh where he stops, hooking his hand behind Eren's knee, feeling the sweat there, pulling his leg up to wrap around him.  
  
Levi can't sit back and let Eren take care of him anymore. He can't just take while Eren gives and gives and gives and asks nothing in return. He can't even believe that Eren is still giving of himself, giving all of his time and energy taking care of him, giving his body to please him, giving his forgiveness that is undeserved but so, so needed, not sparing a thought for himself after everything that happened today. Levi doesn't think he can ever truly express the vastness of his love for Eren, but he'll still give him everything he possibly can.  
  
Now Levi is atop Eren, rocking into his body, both hands in that messy brown hair, kissing him with all the passion he can put into the simple action. His strong hands protectively cradle his lover's head, a wordless promise to keep him safe, to use his bloodstained hands to show only gentleness to him. His body covers him like a shield, another promise to be his shield always. There is nothing else in this world worthy of protection, nothing but Eren deserving of his complete and utter loyalty and devotion.  
  
He strokes Eren's tongue with his own, memorizing the taste and feel of him. He sucks it loudly, releasing it to suck on a lip instead, drawing it into his mouth to swipe the tip of his tongue over it. He adores the way Eren's keening moans reverberate in his mouth, sharing the sensation with Eren as he responds with his own. Levi only removes his mouth to shower his beloved titan with moaned praises in between kisses.  
  
" _Eren, you're so beautiful. You're so perfect._ "  
  
" _I love you with my life._ "  
  
" _You're so good, Eren._ "  
  
" _You feel amazing, Eren. You feel so good around my cock, you're so hot inside. I've never felt anything as good as you._ "  
  
And Eren shudders at the praise each time, trying to pull Levi even closer though they're already as close as flesh will allow.  
  
The way that Eren cries out with every thrust, the way Eren tightens around him when he does, and the way the sound of their damp skin colliding echoes within the room are bringing Levi far too close to the edge, so he slows his pace to focus even more on Eren. A hand untangles itself from Eren's hair to trace his ear. Knuckles slide down his jaw, palm flattening upon reaching the spot where he can feel Eren's heart pounding in his chest. Life roars within him. His hand lingers. That strong heartbeat never fails to comfort him.  
  
He's going to make his heart pound faster, harder. He rubs his thumb lightly over Eren's nipple, already peaked and sensitive. Eren is always vocal in bed, but this is something that Levi's learned will make him even louder. He scratches over it with a nail and then rolls it between his fingers and Levi doubts that anyone would be able to sleep through the sound of Eren's deafening wail of pleasure. Levi's rather proud of this.  
  
He isn't finished, though.  
  
"Eren... Let me feel you come."  
  
Eren's breath hitches at Levi's broken voice in his ear. It makes him shiver again. He wonders if he can come from that voice alone. He doesn't doubt it, and if not, Levi's sudden hard, fast thrusts against some new, startlingly enthralling spot inside of him will.  
  
"I want to feel your cock throb in my hand. I want to feel the way your ass squeezes me when you come. I want to feel how hot and wet it is when you spill all over me. Fuck, _Eren_. I want to make you come."  
  
It turns out he _can_. Levi's voice in his ear is pure sin. It's so low and heavy, dark with arousal, and Levi's breath is so hot on his neck when his mouth spills out filth that he has never heard from it before. Levi didn't even need to touch him. The way he moaned the last word into his ear had his body tensing as if on command. His back arches, his tingling, overheated body going taut and still for only a second before his release crackles through his entire being like lightning. He shouts himself hoarse for Levi, crying out at each contraction of his muscles. He almost drowned out the rapturous sound of Levi crying out along with him when he felt Eren come between them, semen coating them both in strong, hot pulses and beginning to run down Eren's side and onto the sheets.  
  
Levi joins him shortly after, thrown over the edge by the force of Eren's orgasm. He slams himself into Eren while his shuddering body releases, giving one long, final thrust when he's fully emptied himself into Eren. He falls down onto Eren's gradually relaxing body, trying to catch his breath. Eren cradles him there, stroking his hair, breath eventually evening out, heartbeat resuming its usual pace.  
  
The pair wind their fingers together once again as they come down from their highs. Levi nearly nods off with his ear pressed over Eren's heart until they're both ripped from their intimate moment by a shout on the other side of the wall.  
  
"Thank MARIA, _finally_. Go to sleep!"  
  
Eren's face turns nearly as white as the sheet below him, mortified. Levi knows he should feel bad for Eren, but really... How has this kid not figured it out yet? He decides he's better off not saying anything and spare him further embarrassment. He only says one thing to Eren before sleep pulls him under.  
  
"They deserved it."

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

  
  
I can barely hear them over the relentless pounding of freezing cold raindrops, soaking us all even through our cloaks and jackets.  
  
"I'm going alone."  
  
"You can't!" Farlan is adamant, but I’ve made up my mind.  
  
"The one who's going to kill him is me. I won't let a damn titan get to him first."  Erwin’s head is mine. I grit my teeth.  
  
"We're going with you!" Isabel, so eager, so loyal. I don’t want to put her in any more danger than she’s already in just by being here.  
  
"No. You'll be safer if you catch up to the formation. It's not like I'll end up as titan food."  
  
"Levi, use your head! Just wait until the fog clears! We have no idea where the titans will come from, you can't go out there alone, it's too dangerous!"  
  
"I don't need to hear this shit from you! I can do it alone! Trust me!"  
  
"Is that an order?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"We'll trust you. Just don't get yourself killed!"  
  
I won’t. I watch them ride off into the fog and rain and then I’m alone. I ride forward in search of Erwin Smith, whose death is the key to our freedom. The rain falls harder now. It’s miserable. Cold. Can’t see a thing, but it’s not enough to deter me from my mission. No, what makes me reconsider is what I see just ahead of me.  
  
Bodies. An entire squad torn apart by titans. A massacre. And among the corpses and mutilated remains of soldiers on the ground are footprints. The enormous footprints of a titan, and they’re leading back toward Isabel and Farlan’s direction. Shit! I didn’t pass one on the way here, did I? I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear… I have to get back to them!  
  
I turn back with haste, realizing my mistake. I was blinded by my emotions, by bloodlust. I shouldn’t have left them behind. We came out here as a team and they need me with them. I’ve always looked out for them. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the better of me. Now I’ve left them vulnerable because of my own selfish impulse.  
  
I hear her voice, Isabel’s voice, shouting. Saying she’s going to protect everyone in my place. No, no, Isabel, that’s my job, I shouldn’t have left. I’m here now!  
  
And I look down, but the ground is so far away. The voices are gone and everything looks so small. Then I see something fall from a great height, though it’s right in front of me. I see that something get smaller and farther and I barely hear the sickening splat it makes when it hits the ground. How did I get so high? I need to take a closer look.  
  
I kneel and that’s when I notice my hand. It’s…. it’s huge. What is this? I don’t have time to think more on it because next to my monstrous hand is a tiny body. Half of a tiny body, at least, with guts spilling out of the half where legs are supposed to be. The head is there though, so I crouch to take a closer look. It’s Farlan?  
  
No. No!  
  
I try to pick him up but I can’t feel my hands, can’t control them. They’re so big, almost like…  
  
Big… Big, green eyes. That’s what I’m seeing. No. No. No, Isabel, no. Fuck! No!  
  
I let out a mighty roar and I hear it echo through the woods beyond. How could I have made that sound? What’s happening to me? I think I’m a… No. No! How?  
  
I look down to where Isabel’s head lies at my feet and it’s much closer now. I can see it clearly, I can see her eyes. This is my fault. I drop to my knees and squeeze my own eyes closed, trying to block it all out, to hold back the tears for just a moment more.  
  
And then it’s quiet. The rain has stopped. I finally dare to open my eyes again, ready to say goodbye, whether I want to or not.  
  
But all I see are crows and scorched earth where mud and gore were just a second ago. The crows don’t notice me, intent on picking away at something on the ground there. I move in for a closer look and they fly off.  
  
There’s a skull there, but it’s not yet bare despite the best efforts of those winged scavengers. Only half of the flesh has been picked from the bone. Is this Isabel? How long have I been here?  
  
I nudge the skull and turn it over, exposing the side that rested on the ground. Exposing a large, green eye, glazed white in death. And above that is hair, matted and red with blood, but unmistakably… Brown.  
  
My chest tightens, I lose my breath. I can’t understand what I’m seeing. Why is this happening? How? I was going to save them! I made the wrong choice! They were all I had, the only thing in this world worth protecting and I killed them in my own selfishness. There’s someone behind me.  
  
Erwin.  
  
“I’ll kill you. I’m going to fucking kill you!”  
  
"Who was it that killed your friends? Was it me or was it you?"  
  
I’m panting, overcome with rage. It was titans. It was me. It was him! He did this! I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him!  
  
"What about you, Levi? Will you let your eyes remain clouded?"  
  
I feel like I’m being torn apart, burned from the inside. I hear one last thing before everything fades to black.  
  
"Fight! He needs your strength!"

 

—

 

“Reiner, I can’t sleep.”  
  
“Mm.”  
  
“They’re telling the truth.”  
  
“Mm.”  
  
“We can’t just let it happen. We should help them.”  
  
“Yeah… Yeah, I know.”  
  
“You kept it, right?”  
  
“Right here.”  
  
“It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”  
  
“Bertl, do you think either of us know anything about the right thing?”  
  
“I do now.”  
  
“Then we’ll do the right thing, I promise. Just… can it be after the sun comes up?”

 

—

 

It’s still black when I open my eyes and I’m still gasping for breath, heart still racing, fear and pain and grief still aching in my chest. My skin is chilled with sweat but there’s a warmth against my side. My eyes adjust and I look over to see Eren beside me, tucked safely into bed, breathing steadily and calmly. I let out a sigh of relief. He’s alive. He’s here with me and he’s alive.  
  
And that’s when it all comes back to me.  
  
I’m thankful that I didn’t wake him this time. The last thing I want to do right now is leave his side, but there’s no way I’ll be able to fall asleep now. I want his comfort more than anything but I don’t deserve it. I have no right to take anything from him after what I did. I can handle myself. I always have before. I’ll deal with it on my own and let him rest.  
  
I look down upon his beautiful face before getting out of bed as carefully as I can, trying not to disturb him with any sound as I dress. I look back to him one more time before closing the door behind me.

 

—

 

It’s getting close to dawn. The dew on the grass tickles my bare feet as I walk out into the field. It’s easy to spot what I’m looking for.  
  
I sit in the center of a patch of dead, brown grass, scorched by the heat of a disintegrating titan. _Me_. I am sitting in the exact spot where I fucked up. The exact spot where I made the choice to become a titan and ended up eating Eren.  
  
Fuck, _Eren_. I don't deserve to think of him as _my Eren_. How could he ever trust me again after what I did? I’m supposed to protect him and what do I do? I fucking eat him. I don’t even remember doing it. I know he’s alive now, but if things had been any different… I could have crushed him. I could have bitten him in half, just like… Fuck. Eren, fuck! I’m so sorry!  
  
Farlan. Isabel. I cared for them and they cared for me. They were the closest I’ve ever been to having a family. And… I lost them. Every choice that led up to their pointless, gruesome deaths was made by me and they trusted my choices. I wanted to escape the underground and I wanted to take them with me. I wanted to kill Erwin. I wanted them to stay behind so I could be the one to kill him. It was my selfishness, my own wants that took them away from me. I deserved every ounce of pain my bad choices caused me. What good even came of it all?  
  
Eren. If I had never made any of those decisions I would have never met Eren. Would I have been better off? Am I going to watch him die like they did? I let myself get attached. I knew it was a guarantee of pain and heartbreak to let him in, to let myself feel for him. I could have spared myself the pain of losing him, but then… Then I may not have ever felt peace. I may have lived and died by the sword, never knowing what it meant to feel peace or joy or happiness or… love.  
  
And I wonder, would Eren have been better off? Would he even still be alive? I’m disgusted by what I did. Neither of us was spared pain that day, but in the end it was what gave me Eren. And Eren is what gave me everything I’d never expected to have. The good: companionship, comfort, trust, excitement, affection. But also the bad: worry, anxiety, an obvious and exploitable weakness. Maybe love and pain are inseparable. Maybe… Maybe it’s the love that makes the pain meaningful. Maybe that’s the price of it all.  
  
As the sun begins to creep higher above the horizion, I still question my choices. I can’t take back what’s already been done. I can only move on from where we are now. No matter how much I imagine what the outcome of my choices will be, I can never truly know. With Isabel and Farlan it was my own desires, my own emotional impulses that took them from me. And how I feel about Eren? Desire and emotion barely scratch the surface. I want him in every possible way. I don’t want to exist without him by my side. Am I making the right choices, not just for myself, but for him? Should I have convinced him to leave his entire world behind? Are my emotions clouding my judgment again?  
  
I know they are. If I wasn’t aware of that before then yesterday should have been more than enough to prove it.  
  
I don’t want to lose him.  
  
Suddenly I feel an intense need to be with him again. I need to hear his heartbeat. I need to know he’s still here. I don’t like how this feels, this burning in the pit of my stomach, this tightness in my body.  
  
As I move to rise from the damp ground, something near my hand catches my eye. It’s a single spark of color, unnaturally bright against the dullness of the dead grass. Nothing else in this scarred plot remains alive besides that solitary sprig of soft petals, something so vulnerable that has somehow survived here, or grown where nothing should be able to. I see no others anywhere around me. It stands alone and it is beautiful, a lone reminder of life, hope for rebirth in the face of ruin.  
  
I carefully pluck the cluster of blue-violet stars from the dirt and bring it to my nose. It’s fragrant, and lovely, and I recall how I saw Eren pick the same one before, I remember how he said he liked this particular flower, and then I remember its name.  
  
Forget Me Not.

 

—

 

Commander Erwin is awake before the sun rises. He’d insisted on relieving Mikasa from her night watch and when she refused, it became an order.  
  
He knows from his own map that they are not far now. Less than a day’s ride.  
  
He doesn’t know what they will find when they arrive. He doesn’t know what will happen. He doesn’t know if they’ll survive an attack from the Armored Titan and Colossal Titan if they find them there, not without Eren. Not without Levi.  
  
He may be leading these young but weathered soldiers directly to their death.  
  
He doesn’t know if it’s going to be worth the gamble this time, but he still hopes.

 

—

 

The sun is rising higher in the sky, the dim slate of dawn fading, slowly and steadily being engulfed by yellow light of morning. Levi returns to the lakeside cabin on the outskirts of the village before the last traces of night are erased, birdsong replacing the melodies sung by evening crickets. The house is still quiet when he enters. He didn’t expect the shifter duo that lived there to be early risers, but if they were, he was banking on the fact that none of the occupants of the little house had gotten much sleep last night. Whatever the reason, his assumption that they’d still be sleeping was correct.  
  
So when he opened the door to the room he’s shared with Eren during their stay, he was startled to see Eren sitting up on the edge of their bed, awake.  
  
Eren looks to Levi when he enters, eyes shining as green as ever in the very first rays of light seeping into the room from behind the closed curtain. Levi hesitates, unable to read the situation. He didn’t want Eren to wake up without him in this strange place.  
  
Levi gives in to his need to be near his lover, meekly extending his arm out to Eren, where between his fingers is his apology; that single stem of bright blue stars.  
  
Eren stares at the familiar flowers for a moment, Levi tense, still unsure of what Eren’s thinking.  
  
It’s then that Eren smiles. Smiles and reaches out for Levi’s peace offering, which Eren doesn’t realize is a peace offering, excitedly taking it from Levi’s hand. He closes his eyes in enjoyment as he inhales deeply, delighting in the sweet scent of his favorite flower. Levi is at once relieved, though now overcome with some strange, huge, profound feeling that has taken residence within his chest and throat.  
  
He’s right. The risk, the pain, the fear of impermanence; they are worth it. They are nothing compared to him.

 

—

 

It is morning now and the stillness of the house is broken by the sounds of its inhabitants awakening. There’s talking from somewhere outside their door, water running, glass clinking, feet shuffling.  
  
Levi’s head rests on Eren’s chest, where it’s been ever since he returned to bed. Eren is speaking and Levi focuses on the deep voice reverberating in the chest beneath his ear, the vibration joining the airy sound of the expansion of his lungs and the steady, knocking thump of his heart in perfect harmony. It’s a hymn to him, sacred, a paean to life, to his green-eyed god. His eyes are unfocused, set on the blur of blue atop the bedside table.  
  
“I know what I’m getting into. I know the risks. I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t want to, Levi. You know that.” Eren lazily brushes his fingers through Levi’s hair while he speaks. He can sense how unsettled Levi is and is trying to do his best to reassure him. He himself is surprisingly calm about all of this.  
  
“Eren, I _ate_ you. You trusted me to make the right choice and I nearly killed you. They trusted me too. What if it—“  
  
“I knew that might happen. I wasn’t worried.”  
  
“You knew I was going to eat you and you still let me do it?!”  
  
“I didn’t _know_ , I just remembered that it’s kind of a thing that happens. Even if you did bite me I’d probably be fine. You made the right choice.”  
  
“Well, now we can’t even go back if—“  
  
“Levi! Tell me again why you think you think those decisions were wrong. Tell me.” Eren tries to stay gentle with Levi, forcing himself to control his irritation.  
  
“They were selfish, I got carried away by my emotions, I wasn’t thinking clearly because—“  
  
“What are you doing right now, then.”  
  
Levi doesn’t say anything, his only response is a sound somewhere between a grunt and a growl.  
  
“All this talk about me trusting you and you won’t even trust me with this. I want this. I want to see what’s out there, I want _us_ to see what’s out there. I’ll teach you everything I know. Titan lessons. It won't happen again, and if it does, I'll be fine. I’ve never stopped trusting you. Hey, look at me.” Eren sits up, grasping Levi by the jaw to turn his face upward, just enough force behind the action to show that he’s serious.  
  
“You have never done anything to lose my trust.”  
  
Eren releases his hold on Levi’s jaw and Levi returns his head to its previous spot on Eren’s chest. Levi knows Eren’s right but he doesn’t know how to answer. He seems to have forgotten that Eren can take care of himself, that Eren doesn’t just blindly follow orders from anyone, even him. That he's Eren's partner, his lover, his equal, not his overprotective mother. He’s both eager for and afraid of what’s ahead of them.  
  
“After today, the entire world is ours. I wonder what we’re going to find first?? In Armin’s book there was a picture of an animal with… Levi?” Eren’s sudden rush of excitement is interrupted when he feels Levi start to shake against him, worried eyes immediately on the smaller man laying atop him.  
  
Worry is replaced with confusion when he realizes that Levi is… laughing?  
  
“Levi?”  
  
Levi couldn’t help it. Eren had switched from serious to excited faster than he could blink. The way his eyes lit up when he started talking about the outside world was enough to assuage his fears for now. But what made Levi tip over the edge of silent amusement into full-blown laughter was the new voice that joined the chorus of life inside Eren’s body. Voice, lungs, heart, and…  
  
The growl of his empty stomach is so loud that Reiner and Bertholdt probably heard it all the way in the kitchen.  
  
Eren’s face turns pink in embarrassment as he joins Levi in laughter.

 

—

 

The small wooden table where Eren and Levi sit is worn and modest-looking. Looking at it, you’d never think there’s anything special about it at all. And perhaps there isn’t anything special about it for anyone but Levi and Eren. Every time they’ve sat at this table, they’ve left it as changed men, slightly different then they were before.  
  
Their hosts have generously offered to prepare them breakfast before they leave, a favor for which Eren is very grateful. He’s not exactly sure what it is he’s going to be eating as the smell of food from the kitchen is unfamiliar to him, but he is not worried in the slightest. He’s so hungry right now that he could eat a titan.  
  
Reiner and Bertholdt stand side by side in the kitchen, Reiner nodding in response to something that Bertholdt has said to him where he stands preparing tea. Levi and Eren don’t see Reiner handing something to Bertholdt, and they don’t see Bertholdt add anything extra to one of the four porcelain cups he places on a tray before filling them with fragrant tea.  
  
Both Eren and Levi are silent for the moment, anticipating the conversation they’re about to have. The outcome shouldn’t really matter to them anymore, but that doesn’t keep them from hoping that things will turn out the way they’d like them to. And judging by how well they’ve been received by Eren’s former friends, they think it’s more likely than not that they’ll get what they’re hoping for out of this situation. Fate has been on their side so far, almost as if it approves, as if it’s guiding them away from danger. It’s an absurd thought, but neither will admit that they’ve both been thinking it.  
  
“Here you go,” Bertholdt leans over, reaching around Levi to set his cup of tea on the table in front of him. He places another in front of Eren, one at Reiner’s seat at the table, and finally he sits and takes his own cup, raising it to his lips. He keeps his eye on Levi as he drinks, waiting for him to take his first sip.  
  
And as Levi does, Bertholdt seems to relax in his chair, a smile warming his already gentle and friendly features. When Reiner approaches with steaming bowls of… something, Bertl smiles especially large at him, causing the massive blond man’s eyebrows to raise for only a second before he returns Bertholdt’s smile as well.  
  
“Now,” Levi begins, “There’s not much time so I’ll get right to the point. Erwin Smith intends to capture you and bring you back to the interior where you’ll be tried and likely executed, as you’ve probably already expected. As much as I’d like to see you pay for what you’ve done,” Levi looks to Eren, who has suddenly squeezed Levi’s knee under the table, “you have been extremely useful to us, so it wouldn’t be right not to return the favor.”  
  
The pair of titan shifters listen intently. They know that they could just shift and hopefully be able to take down Erwin and the 104th with ease, but that’s not what they want to do. Not if they can help it.  
  
“You have the option to run before he gets here. Evacuate the town if you feel like it. You can stand and fight. Or, there’s another option, and I think it may appeal to you. Do you trust us?"

"At this point I don't see why we shouldn't. I mean, Eren hasn't even called me a motherfucker or tried to kill me once, so you must be serious."

"If it were me, I would have killed you already. But all of that is between you and Eren, I don't really give a shit about humanity anymore. I only have one last debt to repay. However, should you choose to go with this option, I think you just might be able to make it up to Eren."

  
Levi explains his plan, confident that it will not fail if they choose to take that path. It’s the first time that Eren is hearing of it as well, and as Levi goes over each detail, Eren’s mood grows brighter and brighter. Levi holds back his smile when Eren starts fidgeting in his seat, and when he grabs his hand and squeezes much too hard, and even though his heart is soaring at the response, his countenance remains as unreadable as ever.  
  
Reiner and Bertholdt excuse themselves from the table to discuss their options in private. Only then does Levi allow his mask to fall just for a moment, squeezing Eren’s hand in return, relieved and joyful at his response. He hadn’t discussed his idea at all with Eren, and it was only just before he became a titan, in the lab watching as Eren had his spinal fluid drained that it came to him, but he hoped that Eren would approve. It wasn’t exactly what Eren wanted, but he suspected that Eren would think it was even better. And Eren does, and Levi smiles at him, a rare and special sight, and Eren leans over his breakfast, unconcerned about nearly knocking over his teacup, and he kisses Levi, and even though the titan shifters haven’t given their answer, neither of them can stem the tide of excitement threatening to shake them right out of their seats.  
  
The front door opens and closes and the pair of titans calmly sit back down at the table. There’s a brief moment of suspense and anticipation before their fates are decided.  
  
“We’ll do it.”  
  
And Levi doesn’t care anymore, and if everything that had happened since his arrival hadn’t already shocked them, the huge grin on his face that even his eyes are a part of does. Their jaws drop at the same time, as does Reiner’s teacup. When the glass shatters on the floor, the spell is broken and the entire table erupts in laughter.

 

—

 

“Thank you for everything, guys. I just want you to know that I…” Eren swallows. “I forgive you.”  
  
“All right, Eren, we have to go.” Levi is tightening a strap on his shoulder, loaded down with an extra bag full of supplies that their unbelievably generous hosts had gifted to them.  
  
“One more thing before you go, you two.” Reiner looks to Bertholdt, then back to the titan couple.  
  
“Go north.”

 

—

 

Commander Erwin and the former Squad Levi, who refuse to be called anything other than Squad Levi, charge toward the mountain range as fast as their horses can carry them. The mountain and its surrounding forests, the one they were so close to mere days ago, grows closer and closer by the second.  
  
And when they’re close enough to make out individual trees, they spot something unusual. Something off.  
  
Something that looks like two human figures.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forget-Me-Not: True and eternal love, fidelity, steadfastness, memories, remembrance, protection, luck.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this, or if you didn't like it, maybe leave me some feedback, please? I like hearing from you and I would love some genuine, honest opinions on my plot, writing style, characterization, format, et cetera. I want to know what makes a story interesting to read for you. This includes constructive criticism. I mean, be gentle, but if there's something I can do better, I'd like to know.
> 
> Thanks for reading to the end and for all the comments and kudos!

 

Levi and Eren depart on foot after saying their goodbyes to Reiner and Bertholdt. Eren couldn’t deny that he still felt angry and betrayed by them, but they were sincerely remorseful for what they’d done. He wasn’t expecting them to agree to Levi’s proposition, but they did. Quite enthusiastically. It showed Eren that they were serious about doing whatever they could to make it up to him, though nothing could ever _truly_ undo what was done or bring back those who had died because of them. After their wholehearted agreement to do their last good deed, having already done so much for him and Levi, Eren finally found it within him to forgive. He'd done one more unbelievable thing now, making peace with the two who forever changed his life and the lives of every last human in the walls. He couldn’t tell for sure, but he thinks Levi might have forgiven them as well.  
  
It seemed like the weight of one more burden was lifted from their shoulders as they traveled forward into the unknown together. One more grudge left behind with everything else they were leaving. One less thing to taint the uncertain yet hopeful future that lay ahead for them. The road toward that future was still long and uncharted, but they marched forward with a new-found joy and determination.  
  
Northward they walked, side-by-side, passing through the field where yet another thing was left behind: Levi’s humanity. There was worry, of course, but crossing over that scorched patch of grass reminded them that they could get through anything together. Whatever dangers faced them out here would be overcome as a team, a pair. Just the two of them until the very end.

 

—

 

Neither of the two expected this to be an easy journey and the difficulty of it became apparent nearly immediately. As soon as they ascended the tree-lined hill that marked the edge of the mountain valley, their higher vantage point revealed the presence of several titans standing idle in the distance.  
  
“Do you want me to shift and take them out to save gas?”  
  
“Saving your energy is more important. I’ll take out the herd of drooling idiots.” Levi was less concerned about conserving gas now that he’s able to shift into a titan. They could take turns killing if things got out of hand, and besides, he knows exactly how to maneuver without putting a dent in the canister levels.  
  
Eren held his blades at the ready as they approached, their presence eventually drawing the attention of the titans standing a few meters away from them.  
  
As soon as they were within range, Levi fired his grapples, embedding them in the flesh of the largest of the titans. He was launched into the air so quickly that Eren barely registered that Levi was no longer standing next to him.  
  
Levi was fast; fast being an understatement. Eren watched Levi in amazement, swinging himself from titan to titan in a blur of white and silver, moving so rapidly that his eyes could barely track him. The titans fell one by one, reaching out and swinging for Levi and missing every time. Eren had long admired Levi’s skill with the 3D Maneuver gear. He remembers how awed he was the very first time he’d seen Levi in action. He dreamed of being able to someday match Levi’s strength and skill, and Levi had always been more than happy to teach him. The lessons were at times hard and brutal and involved more than a few splinters, broken bones, and bruises, but steadily Eren improved. Even after all this time he’s still far behind Levi’s proficiency with the gear, though eventually he did manage to surpass Jean, who had ranked first in the academy for his excellence in 3D Maneuvering, a fact that Eren greatly enjoyed rubbing in Jean’s stupid horse face.  
  
Levi had slain the entire group before Eren could process what was happening. He only noticed the absence of the loud thuds and roars of dying beasts when he focused his vision back to where the titans were before and saw Levi casually walking back to him, emitting a small sound of annoyance as he cleaned his blades with a handkerchief. Eren never understood why Levi did that, knowing that titan blood evaporates without a trace. Still doesn’t, really. Just another one of Levi’s quirks that he’s grown to love.  
  
“Uh, that was fast.”  
  
“Damn right it was fast. Were you expecting otherwise?” Levi smirked as he rejoined Eren, pecking him on the cheek.  
  
Eren’s amazement was clear, and the thrill of battle was still pulsing through Levi’s veins. He felt so energized and… _happy_. Happy to be free alongside Eren, his beloved, who somehow still admired him even after seeing every one of his perceived flaws, even after everything that has happened. He was happy also to not have to keep up his cool façade. He wasn’t Humanity’s Strongest anymore, nor was he Lance Corporal of the Survey Corps. He had no soldiers to command or inspire, no higher-ups to suck up to, no more orders to obey. All there is now is titans to kill and Eren to love.  
  
He still knew better than to bet on any one outcome. Even if they met their ends sooner than they hoped, this time spent outside the walls has been better than anything he’s ever experienced. He could die happy, he thinks, though he’ll see to it that that doesn’t happen anytime soon. It’s clear to him now as he sees Eren’s bright and excited smile. He made the right choice.

 

—

 

“This looks like a good place. Wanna give it a try?”  
  
Eren could sense Levi’s hesitation. He understood completely, but this couldn’t be avoided if they intended to cross through titan territory alone. And not just cross through it, but _live_ in it. No, this is something that had to be done. A fear they’d have to conquer together.  
  
“Come on. I’ll ease you into it. Just a short one for now.”  
  
“Alright,” Levi sighed. “What do I do?”  
  
“Good. First, you need to have a clear goal in mind. We’ll start with something simple. Let’s see…” Eren tapped his finger on his chin, humming as he looked around him for a task to give Levi.  
  
“Okay, got it. See that boulder right there? I want you to pick it up and throw it in the river. Focus on that as your goal. Then you need to hurt yourself. You can try biting your hand like I do, or whatever you can think of. Just make it hurt. When you’re in there and finally get your bearings, you need to concentrate. This is the hard part. You’ll feel like you want to go to sleep, or like you need to kill me. Don’t worry. I’ll be ready for it this time.”

Levi listens carefully.

"If you can get past that, all you have to do is pick up the rock and throw it. Once you see the splash, you’re done. Come out on your own if you can. I’ll be right here to cut you out if you can’t. That can be tricky the first few times.”  
  
Eren remembers all the times he’d been cut out of his titan body. All the times Levi himself had cut him out of his titan body.

Levi’s face grows stern at the reminder of what happened the day before. He’s determined not to let that happen. It’s difficult, but he knows he needs to trust Eren if this is going to work.  
  
“So stay focused. If you feel yourself slipping, focus on pulling your body away from the muscle. If you can’t, give me some sort of signal… Hmm. How about… How about you sit down. That should be easy enough. When I see you sit down, I’ll come over to get you out. Let’s see… What else…”  
  
Eren tries to think of anything else Levi needs to know before shifting again. What would he have liked to know back then? Eren's face lights up in surprise when the idea strikes him.  
  
“Say, Levi… Did you see anything weird when you transformed? Like, any weird visions or anything like that?”  
  
“I don’t remember much. One minute I was looking at you with a needle in my arm and the next I was waking up in bed.” Levi frowns.  
  
“The reason I ask is because you might have inherited all of the memories I have. I don’t know exactly how it works, but if you used my spinal fluid, there’s a chance that they could’ve been passed on to you like they were to me. Would probably make all of this a lot easier if they did.”  
  
Eren seems to become excited by this idea. It’s promising. If Levi had somehow inherited all of his memories, that must include all of the training and experimenting that he’d done so that he could control his titan form like he can now. There’s really only one way to find out, so they better just hurry up and try it out.  
  
“Eh, don’t worry about that for now. We’ll figure it out later. Let’s stick to the one thing. You ready?”  
  
“You better not let me eat you this time.”  
  
Levi steps back. He stands still for a moment, concentrating, and then raises his hand to his mouth and bites.  
  
Lightning cracks down from the sky and the sharp clap of thunder that follows it drowns out Eren’s cheering.

 

—

 

Squad Levi, now led by Commander Erwin, is on high alert. The figures they had seen in the distance on their approach had slowly come into focus.  
  
They hadn’t expected to encounter them so soon.  
  
Not that they weren’t prepared, all of them are experienced and intelligent enough to know better and not allow themselves to be caught off guard.  
  
It’s just that _this is it_. This is what they came for. It’s unavoidable now that they’ve been spotted by the pair at the edge of the woods.  
  
The moment of truth has arrived and Squad Levi prepares for battle.

 

—

 

Three days had passed since Eren and Levi departed the titan village, and those three days brought with them several difficult fights with titans, but also several successful experiments.  
  
Eren’s assumption was correct. Levi had inherited at least some of Eren’s memories, or at the very least his learned skills. Levi needed far less training to control his titan form than Eren had, making things a lot easier for the both of them.  
  
There were still a few things they needed to try, but they were adamant about playing it safe until Levi was confident that he could stay in control. There were a few times when Levi nearly lost it and Eren had to go retrieve him before he got out of control. This disappointed Levi, but it also granted him the knowledge and experience he needed to learn how to avoid it happening in the future. Both Eren and Levi had trouble maintaining cognizance after extended time in their titans, though it was steadily improving.  
  
They got to the point where they could take turns, one shifting and allowing the other to ride him until they were too fatigued to focus, then switching to the other. This allowed them to cover great distances in very little time. Levi’s titan was noticeably faster than Eren’s, perhaps due to its slighter build, or perhaps because of the human traits it inherited from Levi himself.  
  
Another advantage to both of them being titan shifters was the discovery that they didn’t become sluggish or need to sleep at night while in titan form, unlike most titans who stop functioning at night. Levi trusted Eren enough that he even found himself napping while secured inside Eren’s giant titan ear.  
  
They continued traveling north, following Reiner and Bertholdt’s advice. Neither Levi nor Eren knew exactly _why_ they should head north, but it’s not like they had anywhere else to go.  
  
Every now and then Levi would pick up something strange in their surroundings. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He chalked it up to finally being free of the walls and the artificial, tainted world inside them, now experiencing the real world for the very first time. The farther they got from the walls, the stronger this new _something_ got.  
  
Eren didn’t seem to notice it.

 

—

 

Squad Levi assumes an offensive formation as they charge toward the place where the two men stand, making sure to cover both flanks and keep the figures in sight and cornered.  
  
They could escape back into the woods, and the squad found it very peculiar that neither of the men made any attempt to move or defend themselves.  
  
That thought was not a comfort to them.  
  
They prepared for a battle they doubted they could win, but they couldn’t, wouldn’t back down now.  
  
They steel their nerves, ready to fight their near-invincible foes.  
  
Ready to fight the Armored Titan and The Colossal titan outside the farthest reaches of humanity.

 

—

 

“Alright, Levi. Now let’s see if you can harden.”  
  
“That’s hardly necessary. I think you should be well aware by now that I have no trouble hardening.”  
  
“Come on, Levi, you know what I mean.”  
  
“Oh? Are you asking for a demonstration? Well,” Levi drawls, slowly dragging his hands down his body toward the fly of his pants, “that can be arranged… for you.”  
  
Levi smiles as he observes Eren’s complete and utter failure to maintain his composure. The green-eyed boy tried his best but finally succumbed, making an amusing spitting noise as a laugh bursts through his tightly-pressed lips. The effect of Levi’s teasing even goes so far as to cause Eren to hunch over in laughter, hands on his thighs and gasping for breath. Levi can’t help but snicker as well as Eren’s gorgeous golden laughter echoes off of the trees surrounding them.  
  
“Okay, okay. I’ll save that for later.” Levi’s smile is still present as Eren’s amusement levels out. Levi is actually enjoying being a titan, and he can’t come up with the right way to describe it. Huh. It’s… It’s kind of… Fun. _Fun_?  
  
“Levi, are you even paying attention?” Eren waves his hand in front of Levi’s face after not receiving a response to his instructions.  
  
“Oh. Sorry. Tell me again.”  
  
Eren rolls his eyes in mock-annoyance, no real irritation behind the gesture.  
  
“Once you’re in your titan, focus on hardening some part of your body. If you manage to do that, then try breaking the crystals away. They should shatter without much effort. Got that?”  
  
“Got it.”  
  
The forest shakes with a thunderous roar and when the dust and steam clear, Eren gapes at the black-haired titan looking back at him before erupting into laughter again.  
  
There stands Levi in all his titan glory, holding up a single, sparkling crystal finger.

 

—

 

Reiner and Bertholdt are surrounded by the solders of the 104th with Commander Erwin at the front-and-center.  
  
It’s a stand-off. The pair of titan shifters have made no move to advance or retreat, and so Squad Levi hesitates.  
  
Erwin speaks.  
  
“Bertholdt Hoover and Reiner Braun. You are wanted for your crimes against humanity.”  
  
“No shit,” Reiner replies, watching Erwin tighten his grip on his blade at his sarcastic response.  
  
Bertholdt looks over at Reiner, shooting him a disapproving look. Reiner gives a dramatic sigh, dropping his arms loosely at his sides.  
  
Everyone is so tense that even the horses can sense it, and they show their own discomfort by rearing their heads back and tapping their hooves anxiously.  
  
Reiner and Bertholdt look at each other again, deciding to take things a step further to speed things along. They’ve been waiting out here for a while now anticipating Erwin's arrival and are tired of standing around. Plus, Erwin _clearly_ doesn’t understand the situation at hand.  
  
Erwin’s countenance is cool and intense, nearly as frightening as the former Lance Corporal as he stares down the traitors in front of him.  
  
“We surrender.”  
  
Erwin remains steadfast.  
  
Reiner gives another exaggerated, melodramatic sigh and then does something that finally triggers a response from the stoic Commander.  
  
He raises his arms above his head, as does Bertl.  
  
“Look, we’re surrendering. Do you get it now?”  
  
Erwin hears Mikasa growl under her breath from beside him.  
  
“ _Don’t trust them._ ” Her hand twitches on her blade’s trigger, more than ready to strike.  
  
“You expect me to believe that?”

Armin is silent beside Mikasa. The way he bites the inside of his lip and just barely furrows his brow is a sign that he's furiously calculating. Knowing that they have on their side Commander Erwin and Armin Arlert, both unmatched in their abilities as strategists of the highest caliber, eases the fears of the rest of Squad Levi, if only just barely. If things go wrong, they'll definitely be able to find a way out... Right?  
  
“Yeah, I do. Need more proof?” Reiner says he's surrendering but his tone and stance carry challenge.  
  
“Commander, I can take them out before they know what’s happening. We can’t trust them.”  
  
Erwin ignores Mikasa’s grumbling, too wary and perplexed by this turn of events to acknowledge her.  
  
“Proceed, but know that I am prepared to take you dead or alive.”  
  
“Well shit, since offering to let you take us without a fight isn’t enough, then how about this.”  
  
“I’m all ears.”  
  
“We’ll go without a fight and even let you handcuff us and everything. We know you'll probably lop our heads off without a trial as soon as we’re back inside the walls, but…” Reiner continues with his theatrics, causing Erwin’s patience to wear thin.  
  
“Get on with it.”  
  
“Here’s the deal. We know you want to kill us, but if you can hold off on that a little bit, we’d like to pay our penance. It’s not much, but if you take us back alive…”  Reiner pauses, making his face serious, cold blue eyes trained on cold blue eyes. He knows he has everyone’s attention, so the traitor makes his final play.  
  
“…we’ll seal Wall Maria.”  
  
Everyone is rendered speechless, too stunned by Reiner’s offer to formulate any type of response.  
  
Well, everyone except for Connie, who can be heard shouting, “ _holy shit!,"_ nearly falling out of his saddle as his left-hand blade clatters to the ground.  
  
“I’ll hold you to that promise.”  
  
Erwin watches on as the titan shifters step forward, hands held before them as if they’re offering for them to be tied. And they are, along with their arms before they’re seated upon the two riderless horses that no one could bear to look at any longer. With their large bodies immobile and firmly secured in their saddles, Reiner and Bertholdt rejoin their former friends and classmates on the long ride back to the very walls they’d destroyed.  
  
Erwin keeps his eye on them, though he relaxes as his thoughts drift back to another traitor’s impossible promise.

 

—

 

“What’s next, Professor Yeager?”  
  
Eren and Levi have been continuing with Levi’s titan practice every chance they get. Levi seems to have no trouble completing any of the tasks set out for him, and with each subsequent transformation he grows more and more adept at maintaining his awareness. Their spirits are high and they find themselves enjoying the lessons and the time spent together in the beautiful, pristine meadows and forests of the outside world.  
  
“I think we’ve pretty much covered it all. Congratulations, Levi!” Eren claps. Levi rolls his eyes. Eren laughs at this and lowers his hands.  
  
“Actually… There’s something I’m curious about. You know how I have that coordinate thing, or I am the coordinate, or whatever it is that makes people want to kill me? I wonder if you have that, too, since you have all my other abilities.”  
  
“Only one way to find out. Just tell me what to do.”  
  
“If we both have it… I wonder if it’ll work on each other? I’d have to be a titan to find out, but I think we can handle that by now. We’ll only do it for a little bit… just in case. The thing is, I don’t really know how to use it. So… I guess just yell at me and see what happens.”  
  
“Great plan.”  
  
“Are you in? You know I’ll get you to scream one way or another.”  
  
“Fine.” This time it’s Levi who takes on the tone of mock-annoyance, saying only one word before raising his hand to bite.  
  
Eren follows suit and the heat and force of the dual transformations obliterates every tree within a 15-meter radius.  
  
In the small clearing created by their transformations, Eren and Levi square off together as titans for the very first time.  
  
Levi is the first to act, throwing his head back and emitting a bone-shaking cry, harsh and frightening and sounding like the creaking of a giant, rusted iron door.  
  
Nothing happens.  
  
Now it’s Eren’s turn to shout, and his titan’s roar is much louder than Levi’s.  
  
Still, nothing.  
  
They continue to take turns screeching at each other to no effect, though they seem to be enjoying themselves enough to continue.  
  
There, in a little clearing of broken trees in the middle of a dense forest far outside the last traces of humankind's existence, stand two titans with shaggy hair and pointed ears, nose to nose, yelling directly into each other’s faces.  
  
The deafening, overlapping roars coming from the titan couple shake the leaves of the trees for as far as the eye can see. The sound is more than enough to deprive any human of their hearing. That is, if they don’t first die of heart failure from the fright of such a horrifying experience.  
  
Eren and Levi’s shouts taper off when they begin to notice that it’s not just the trees that are shaking. It’s the ground. And they’ve stopped shouting but the leaves are still rustling and the ground is still shaking. And it’s shaking harder. And harder. And then they hear a new sound that instantly obliterates their amusement at their little game.  
  
The two titan shifters look at each other in disbelief because what they’re hearing is the sound of hundreds of titans crashing through the forest from all sides, cracking tree trunks and emitting horrible sounds of their own.  
  
Before they know it, they’re surrounded.  
  
This is the final test for both the teacher and the student.

 

—

 

Eren and Levi are beautifully and efficiently brutal together, Eren smashing through skulls on the left, Levi on the right. They’ve both tried shouting at the immense swarm of titans around them, but so far it’s been useless. Neither of them know how to control that ability of Eren’s, so now it’s down to fight or die.  
  
Wave after wave assault them and if there’s any small glimmer of hope in this situation, it’s that the grand majority of the enemy titans are small and stupid. Eren and Levi rip, smash, and stomp through them with ease, but they just keep coming. Every titan that falls is replaced by two more they must fight, testing the very limits of their endurance. Eren seems to be slowing significantly, some of his blows so sluggish that they miss their target entirely, connecting with the forest floor in an explosive cloud of dirt and debris and causing him to stumble.  
  
Levi barely has time to look over when he hears the growl as he kicks off and stomps the small titan attempting to chew through his leg. When he does finally turn his head in the direction of the familiar titan cry, he’s aghast at what he sees. It seems as though Eren has finally reached his limit. Energy completely drained, Eren sits slumped against one of the few remaining trees, head hanging low and steam rising from every bloody gash on his body.  
  
He’s surrounded. He frantically kicks away the 5-meter class titans clinging to his legs, clawing and snapping his toothy jaws at the larger titans in an effort to make his way to Eren. All he can see is Eren as he smashes through titan flesh, acting now on pure instinct. _Get up, Eren. Get up!_ He’s completely engulfed in the steam of dying titans as more and more seem to appear out of thin air. He’s no closer to Eren and he’s tired. He’s so tired.  
  
And then, he hears it.  
  
Another roar.  
  
Another roar that, in a stroke of luck, sends the swarming titans scattering. He pants, recovering, waiting for the large chunks of calf and thigh muscle to regenerate, watching himself steam for only a few seconds.  
  
He realizes his mistake when he looks back up to Eren and sees the hairy hand of a monstrous ape reaching for Eren.  
  
Levi surges, sprinting the short distance between him and Eren as fast as his damaged leg will allow, but it’s too late. The enemy titan has Eren’s neck between its grotesque fingers. Levi watches in horror as the giant ape pries open Eren’s nape, plucking his limp, unconscious body from his titan's flesh. Eren dangles between the beast titan’s fingers as it examines him, turning his head so that he can see Eren's face. Now is his chance.  
  
Levi summons every ounce of strength left in him to leap forward and into the air, reaching out with one hand to wrest Eren’s unmoving body from the beast titan’s hand, whose grip is so strong that it ends up tearing Eren’s legs off in the process.  
  
The beast titan had been so focused on Eren that it hadn’t even noticed Levi fighting nearby. But now he’s been seen stealing away the giant ape’s prize and he doubts that bastard will let him go without a fight. He barely has a second to dodge when the beast titan’s hand swings out to strike. Levi clutches Eren’s heavily injured body in his hand and he knows that Eren’s survival depends completely on him now. He makes the split-second decision to do what he must to keep Eren safe if he’s going to have to fight this titan to escape.  
  
He holds out his hand, raises it up to his waiting mouth and takes Eren inside, clamping his massive jaw shut to keep him safe within the fortress of his own body.  
  
As he deposits Eren gently onto his tongue, something… happens. The blood seeping from Eren’s still-unhealed legs spreads across his tongue and he instantly knows what he’s tasting. He's tasted it before. Eren’s blood. _His_ Eren. A force sparks across Levi’s body as if he’d been struck by lightning, energy burning and crackling through every muscle. He can feel his strength surging back and growing, the pain of his injuries receding. Levi sees red as this newly ignited power and rage consumes him.  
  
The beast titan swings again, but Levi is fast. He effortlessly dodges the blow even though he’s unconcerned with his own safety. He could care less if he gets hit as long as Eren is safe inside his mouth. There’s only one thought on his mind now: _kill_.  
  
Enraged, Levi goes straight for the beast titan’s face, slashing his clawed hand across it, snagging and tearing the flesh. The titan responds with a roar that sends the nearby swarm of titans charging back in their direction. Levi ignores the titans that are once again closing in on him, focused solely on destroying the beast in front of him.  
  
He’s done toying around. Eren’s blood is still on his tongue and that is unforgivable. In an instant he has the beast titan by the arm, wrenching it around to turn the larger titan’s back to him as it continues to roar in either agony or rage. Whichever it is, Levi doesn’t care. A sweeping kick knocks the beast titan’s legs out from under it and it falls face-forward toward the ground. It catches itself on its hands but it’s too late to recover.  
  
Levi’s fingertips are gleaming, now sheathed in crystal armor. With all of his speed and fury, he tears open the nape of the beast titan’s neck and pulls out the body inside, just as it had done to his Eren.  
  
Unlike his Eren, this body is still conscious. Levi looks into the man’s terrified face for a good long moment before narrowing his eyes at it.  
  
Levi stands on top of the beast titan’s disintegrating form. The man who once controlled it is now dangling from Levi’s fingers, hung upside down to look at the sight of his abandoned titan body mangled on the ground.  
  
With one leg in each hand, Levi gives the bearded man one final look before tearing him in half, straight down the middle.  The spray of blood rains down onto the titans that have resumed their attack, intestines falling loose and trailing out onto one titan’s bald head with a wet splat.  
  
Levi tosses the shredded human aside and can’t resist the urge to give a triumphant roar.  
  
Just as he’d done before when he was shouting with Eren, he tosses his head back and bellows deeply, the tip of his tongue curled over the body of his lover still unconscious inside his mouth. He briefly recalls a a memory; a memory of Eren reading to him about a great beast who could rule with its roar alone.  
  
All at once chaos erupts around him. The crunch of breaking bone reaches his ears, and hot titan blood begins to spatter on his skin. Levi rallies himself for battle again, more than ready to slaughter the multitude titans encircling him and are currently…  
  
Attacking…. themselves.  
  
Levi does not pause to observe the spectacle of flying fists and flesh. His vision is still blurred red, his rage not yet diminished, wounded limbs still not healed. It’s with a predator’s speed and focus that he runs through the woods, leaving the pandemonium of dying titans far behind him. It’s only instinct that drives him forward now, obeying some primal tugging at the back of his mind that says, “ _go north_.” And some part of him perceives the change in the air that he had noticed before. It’s unnameable, unknown, but growing stronger with every kilometer he travels north, pulling him like a siren’s song toward some unseen fate.  
  
The trees fall behind him in a blur and he is so light on his feet that his footfalls barely mark the earth. Levi isn’t watching, isn’t planning or plotting or strategizing. He’s just running, and Eren is still inside his mouth, rested on the flat of his tongue. His instinct is to swallow, to consume the human flesh that’s already in his mouth, so close to his stomach. He lets his body act on its own because it’s all he can do. He can’t focus on anything but Eren.  
  
_Eren_. He promised to protect him. He will protect him. He will not let Eren down again. He will not let himself down again.  
  
Eren’s blood… It tastes… _It tastes so_ ….  
  
_KILL_  
  
_No! Eren. Save Eren. Get to safety. Don’t swallow. Protect him. Don’t swallow. Don’t…_  
  
This is the longest that Levi has spent in his titan form and he can feel himself slipping. He’s exhausted, he’s enraged, he’s burning inside and it’s altogether too painful and too comfortable. He wants to sleep.  
  
He can’t. He’s going to protect Eren. He’s almost there. Almost… _where? Keep going._  
  
_That smell. What is that smell? The air feels strange. Keep going. Stay awake. I promised._  
  
_I hear something. Keep going. Eren. I’m tired._  
  
_I’m just going to rest for a bit._  
  
Levi can sense himself starting to go under, letting the warmth take him with the promise of comfort and rest. It takes more strength than Levi thought could ever manage to summon to hang on to that last thread of consciousness. He runs.  
  
He runs until the origin of those strange sensations reveals itself.  
  
He stops dead in his tracks.  
  
Levi’s enormous titan frame kneels. It lifts up a hand to roll Eren off his tongue and onto his palm.  
  
Levi places his forehead on the ground as if bowing in worship, and then with one final swell of strength, he is reborn into the world as a human.  
  
His legs give way when he finally reaches the ground beside his dying hand. He steadies himself, so completely and utterly drained that it is an incredible task just to stand.  
  
But he soldiers on, lifting Eren’s wounded body up into his arms like he has so many times before, cradling him, kissing him before taking a final few steps forward.  
  
And as he drops to his knees on the wet, sandy ground, he whispers.  
  
“ _Eren. We’re here._ ”

 

—

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to leave this with an ambiguous ending so you'd have to imagine what might happen next. But, if you're like me and can't settle for an open-ended finish, I've put together a little choose-your-own-adventure type of thing. So, say this is the true ending. Maybe you'd rather take the path that leads to the bad ending. But, me? I usually go for the good. 
> 
> Good end: <http://archiveofourown.org/works/4288407>
> 
> Bad end: <http://archiveofourown.org/works/4287876>
> 
> If you have any questions about the story or want clarifications, feel free to post them in the comments! Now that the plot is completed, there's no chance of spoiling anything.
> 
> Thank you all so much for joining me throughout the process of writing and *finishing* my very first fanfiction. I've had a great time writing it and enjoyed your comments SO much. 
> 
> I'm still trying to improve my writing and I have a lot of ideas in my head, so if you'd like, perhaps check out some of the other things I've written and let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart. I might not have been as motivated to finish posting this if it weren't for all your kind words of encouragement!


End file.
